He's two, and totally adorable. Except for the tantrums....
DS never had them, and a friend of mine has a child who still does at age 4. I do not tolerate the flailing, arching, screaming stuff well. DS attempted it once, after seeing his friend do it, and I told him, "We don't do that here. It doesn't work." And then we talked about different ways to express our anger and using words, and it has worked. (Not all fairies and unicorns like it sounds, but I'm trying to be brief(er).)
Anywho, our new foster child is GREAT at listening when you ask him to do something, and is generally happy and cooperative. But if he doesn't like something, he lets you know, even if you have no idea what it is! (Yesterday, I handed each kid a granola bar for a snack in the car. DS took the whole thing, but I broke off a piece for FS b/c he tends to shove the entire thing in his mouth and then not be able to chew, and I didn't want him choking while I was driving. Or ever, really. He had a meltdown for about 10 minutes. Screamed, cried, yelled, wouldn't use words to tell me the problem. Only shouted NO at whatever I said/asked.) My instinct is to walk away and not give it any attention, as I don't really want to encourage that sort of behavior. Then the little voice in my head reminds me that not only do we need to parent foster kids differently than our own kids, but that we may need to parent them in the opposite way (other than spanking as an alternative to GD, but you know what I mean).
Of course in the car, I couldn't do anything but turn up the music so DS could hear it, and we were at our destination within 5 minutes. But today I walked away when he didn't understand the snack was for everyone, and then realized after a few minutes that he might just need to be held through his tantrum.
So at meltdown #452 and counting, I did try to hug him. He either said he didn't like me or didn't like "it." I'm not sure. I just know that I'm at a loss as to what to do for him. I don't want to leave him alone, I don't want him to learn it's okay to behave that way. He's only two, but he's SMART and I want him to learn to use words instead, but I don't know how to go about that. He doesn't take kindly to being told his business, IYKWIM.
I know it's going to be a lot of work. But if there is a way I can make things easier on myself and on him without all the energy going to figuring out his issue of the moment and making it better or trying to avoid tantrums (which isn't entirely possible), I'd like to do that, so I can dedicate more energy to the hour and a half it takes to get him to bed, or you know, the rest of my family.