Lying-In? « Back to Group Discussions

[sraplayas]

Who is planning on Lying-In this time?

We did this with DS (#2) and it was Wonderful! It took quite a bit of planning ahead and total buy-in from DH, but so worth it.

If you are planning on it, who is taking over the household responsibilities?

I am hoping to have someone come and clean each week, for sure. I am also looking for a PP Doula to do light housework, a little food prep and some childcare.

DH's parents are coming soon after (depending on when baby shows up!) the birth and will be nearby and available to do the school runs and play with the kids, maybe groceries, too. But I think it would be ideal to have someone fill in the gaps.

I'm really interested to know what other mamas are planning!

[PrincessSputnik]

Ya, I really like the idea of doing a lie-in. I'm thinking two weeks is reasonable. I'm quite fortunate that 1) it's our first, so no other little ones to look after, 2) DH will be home with me for 2 weeks and 3) my mom and MIL are very nearby to help cook/clean.

Prep wise, I'll have to ensure the apartment is clean enough beforehand that I won't be worrying about dust bunnies under the couch or whether the cat blankets need washing/de-furring, and will need to have done a good grocery shop beforehand, and that I have enough to keep me occupied between bfing.. 

[MamaRuga]

I had a nice long lying-in with DD (our first).  I had planned on it from the start and arranged PP doula help.  But then, with the heavy bleeding at birth, it became necessary to stay in bed.  I couldn't even get out of bed to pee on my own for 3 days!  

I am planning it again this time, but without the birth drama to reinforce it!  What I did last time was one week in bed, one week "around" the bed, and a third week just in in house.  We also didn't take DD out for 6 weeks.  It was perfect for us, and because her birthday was in winter, it worked well.  We "emerged" as spring was coming out.

This time I plan to keep dd at home for 6 weeks again.  I know that it seems old fashioned as most moms are out and about with days old babies. I just think that the babies are so wide open that it helps ease the transition into the world and gives them time to come into their senses in a more gentle way.  But I just don't know how that is going to work with a summer birth.  I want to be out and about much more in the summer.  So, I may just aim for the 3 weeks lying-in and then see what seems best from there.  I will still avoid being in very public or loud places but perhaps we might do some hikes and walks in nature.

I have a PP doula again (the same from last time, I'm so excited to have her back again!) and my parent's now live next door.  So I am very blessed with help.  I'm sure it will still be tough with two children, though.  But I loved, loved, loved it with DD and it just makes so much sense to ease them into the world that way!  

[calapitters]

I had a nice lying in with my first and my third and I recovered so much better and felt amazing after each of those births compared with birth of my second.  Different family members stayed with us for three weeks last time, but by that third week I was going a little crazy just hanging around!  

This time we are planning on my mom coming for the first week and MIL the second and I think that will be enough.  It is a huge help to have them here!  They do the light housework, which leaves DH able to focus on the older kids and help them through the transition, which means I get to focus most of my energies on our tiny new family member.  We live 4/5 hours away from our families, so it's always a good time when we all get together and I think everyone is looking forward to it!

[livelovelaugh]

I actually hadn't heard of lying in, but it is my dream.  This is my fourth, though, and our parents don't help with the kids in the way that many do, so I can't imagine that dream coming true.  I have been very focused on getting as close as possible to that, though!  With my third my MIL stayed with us for a few days starting the day I came home from the hospital, and I was up WAY more than I should have been, and was sharing my babymoon WAY more than I should have been.  I ended up feeling like I missed it, and I do NOT want to feel that way again, especially with this last baby.  I want to savor every possible minute of our early days together.  We do have a GREAT sitter, basically a third grandmother to our kids, who I will line up as much as possible to try to achieve this as much as I can.  And maybe I will have someone clean a little extra during that time...those things plus meals should help...but my other three are very, very busy and are going to want to be with this baby as much as possible!  My MIL would probably stay with us again, but I would feel the pressure to to cook for her and be a hostess, so I don't want that.  She would take the kids here and there, but not the way I would need her to...We will see!  Good luck to everyone!

[mudhugger]

I'm not sure if lying-in is the same as a baby moon (?) but we're hoping to have 2 weeks to do that as a family.  DH is taking some time off work and friends have already said they'll come help with cleaning, the animals, etc as well as bring DS to the park and children's museum if we think he might need it.  Our awesome community always brings food, and I've been storing up on bulk items. 

For us, I think we'll be spending as much time cozied in bed, on the porch, and outside as possible...maybe taking short walks in the woods if my recovery is good.  I think my goal is to say no car, no mail (except cards), no appointments, and no outside responsibilities. 

I'm trying to decide what to do about our families... my MIL would love to help out and would be great to have around, but it's a package deal that my FIL would come up too...and I'm afraid for his safety if he's around me with my pp hormones-- he drives me insane as it is.  I'm happy this thread is here-- makes me realize I should really start thinking about that piece more so I don't feel unsure and agree to something we don't want later. 

[KristaDJ]

I'm planning on being in bed with the baby for the first week. We are actually moving our mattress into the playroom at the end of the pregnancy so that I can sleep on the main floor of the house and not have to do stairs at all for the first two weeks. My husband will hopefully take two days off (he has his own business so there is no family leave for him) and my will be ten year old son will help me enough that I can stay in bed the first week. After that week I plan to move to sitting on the couch for the next week before I get up and get back into housekeeping. I'm going to make meals or at least meat for the first few weeks so that hubby can just reheat or throw together simple things for dinner and my ten year old will take care of lunch. Hubby already does all the laundry, I will still be able to help with folding. He can easily do breakfast before leaving and my 10yo can get everything my 3 and 5 yo will need during the day. They will probably spend a lot of time with me fawning over the baby and watching movies and they really don't get into things anyway so I think it will go smoothly. Hubby will do all the grocery shopping and my kids will probably help with the baby so that I can shower and stuff since hubs will be busy playing mom when he is home. We won't have any outside help at all and I think it will be fine; I'm kind of excited about just doing this as a family and having kids old enough to help :-D 

I know the house will get messy and things like mopping and toilet scrubbing will be neglected but it'll be okay; no one notices that stuff but me anyway lol 

[LessTraveledBy]

This kind of made me smile.... With dd I felt great right after the birth (7 years ago) and was soon running all over the place with dd in the sling, as my parents flew in when she was about 10 days old. After a pregnancy with lots of puking and alone time, I loved it. Granted, nursing her was easy after the first couple of days.

Right now I am caring for a newborn 24/7 (short term foster baby) and we are doing quite a bit: church, dd's hobbies, stores etc. So, I think I am the type that I just don't want to "just stay home or in bed," assuming everything goes ok with the birth as well as nursing. Also depends on the baby, of course. Some newborns sleep 20 hours a day, so I feel that it is easy to do all kinds of things, keeping the baby close. A colicky baby or problems with nursing would of course change everything...

[Monkey's Mum]

I don't think I will be having much of a laying in period. My Dh will be home so I won't have to take on any household chores, but I don't see myself staying in bed much. I tend to be the type of person that the less I do,the less I want to do, and the worse I feel mentally. So I actually think I will be better off if I get up and about earlier. However, to me that will include getting into a comfy chair in my beautiful and shady backyard to watch ds play and have friends bring me lemonaid:) I fully plan on not pushing myself so I can heal properly, so I won't be running the dog, but I do want me and bb to be outside in the fresh air and sun (before it gets too hot:)

[swelldoula]

I've been thinking a lot about this too. Even though with my last baby I *could* have spent at least a week or two in (or around) bed, I was up waaay too soon and I regretted it. I think it had a negative impact on our breastfeeding relationship, and on my PPD.

This time I am trying to get things all lined up so that I can take those two weeks and stay mostly in bed. I think I found someone who is working on their postpartum doula certification who will be willing to come spend some time helping out for free or very cheap. I'm hoping some of my friends also decide to help me out since my mom or sister haven't really said they'll be available. It's a little more complicated this time around since I already have two other kids at home. Plus, my husband will be studying for the bar exam , which he'll have to take in late July. 

I'm also planning on doing placenta encapsulation this time, and having a home birth (instead of going to the birth center) which will hopefully help me avoid the PPD. 

[wanderinblues]

my thoughts exactly. when i read this thread and thought about staying in the house for weeks during my favourite time of year, i actually felt depressed lol. i love summer here so much and it never seems to be long enough. it rarely gets too hot and the beach is a gentle 10 minute walk away with shade trees. that is where i want to spend my days as soon as im able. 

i am also looking forward to a couple of days snuggled in bed with DP, DSD and baby. and i have no intention of doing chores, or anything that could be construed as work until i feel like it. that wont be a problem for me, im not crazy about chores or keeping my house more than reasonably clean and DP (the tidy one) is great at keeping on top of that stuff when i dont. i may have to train him to keep on top of the meals though.

Originally Posted by Monkey's Mum 

I don't think I will be having much of a laying in period. My Dh will be home so I won't have to take on any household chores, but I don't see myself staying in bed much. I tend to be the type of person that the less I do,the less I want to do, and the worse I feel mentally. So I actually think I will be better off if I get up and about earlier. However, to me that will include getting into a comfy chair in my beautiful and shady backyard to watch ds play and have friends bring me lemonaid:) I fully plan on not pushing myself so I can heal properly, so I won't be running the dog, but I do want me and bb to be outside in the fresh air and sun (before it gets too hot:)

[calapitters]

Maybe I have the wrong idea of what lying in means, exactly.  I was under the impression that it meant pretty much relaxing and letting our bodies heal while we focus our energy on bonding and feeding our babies.  Other people take over household chores and responsibilities of other children so that mom can rest and ease the transition.  I didn't think that it meant actually lying inside in a bed for a week or two.  

My youngest was born in mid August and the weather was gorgeous!  I spent tons of time cozied up her with pillows outside on our adirondack chairs.  I didn't get up unless I wanted to and felt great and pretty much on cloud nine for those first couple of weeks.  So, even though I was moving around and not strictly lying down in a bed for a week, I healed quickly and felt good because I was only responsible for myself and my newest little one and other and didn't push myself at all.  

[sraplayas]

When I think of strictly "lying-in" I am thinking of the Mothering article published about (4?) years ago which explained 5 days in the bed, 5 days on the bed, and 5 days around the bed---and all that it entails! However, I think while this is a terrific practice, it may not be ideal for some in its purist form. :)

One of the things I love about attachment parenting & MDC is that we are focused on tuning in to our LO's and to ourselves, and not being pressured by the status quo. I love that everyone has their own interp of baby moon/lying-in!

[mirandamiranda]

I'm not sure I could stay in/on/around the bed for 2 whole weeks! I'd go crazy. But I am not big on housework generally, and pretty sure DH will take care of the meals. It is more separating squabbling children that will be the contentious point. It is much easier to ignore an untidy floor than 2 screaming 4 year-olds... Although this week has been pretty bad because we have had nothing but rain. Hopefully when they can get out a bit more things will improve. I love all these stories of relaxing in a lawn chair in the sunshine with the baby, maybe I can get the hammock up...

[Nicole730]

I am more the type to want to get out and do stuff after the baby is born - taking walks for sure.  I wouldn't want to be "stuck" in a bed for a week!  Especially in the summer.  I, like mirandamiranda, have no problem letting the housework go.  I barely do it as it is!  What I will want help most for is the two older kids - 2 and 4.  Otherwise I plan on just laying around outside as much as possible watching the kiddos play while baby and I doze and nurse.   My husband plans on taking off 2 weeks and my dad has off a week shortly after the baby will be born, so he and my mom will be over a lot that week or even taking the kids.  I think I should be good with those 3 weeks having lots of help for the older kids. 

[Veritaserum]

IIRC, the only postpartum periods I spent mostly in bed were after a hemorrhage and after a birth with complications.  I needed to stay in bed because I was weak.  With the others I wanted to be out and about.  Last time (another June baby) I was happy to be out in the sunshine.  I focus on me and my baby and take rests as needed. 

[CA Country Girl]

I know I will not be able to stay in bed for very long; it would drive me crazy.  My DD was a February baby and I am looking forward to having a summer baby. I will be trying to rest, but I know I will not be able to get someone to come do all my chores.  I think my sister and some friends will help a bit, but my husband will be lucky to be able to take a week off (when he will be doing all he can to keep up).  My daughter is 6 and I am sure she will do her best to be helpful, but still needs mama for some things.  However, I am a teacher and I will have the summer off to hang in the sunshine and by the water with my new little one and my swimming crazy DD.  I wish we new moms got a baby nurse and house cleaning provided by the state like they do in several European countries.  Seems like a great idea.

[KristaDJ]

You guys are making me want to spend my time lying outside in my backyard swing <3 I won't have the option of going outside without doing a lot of stairs though and I am making sure I avoid them for two weeks this time. Last time I forced myself to go down the stairs after five days because of some comments my MIL made and I really messed up my hip :-/ I just hope it is cool enough for open windows and curtains. 

[rhiandmoi]

It depends on when the baby actually arrives. My mom is a school teacher and she is going to come and supervise my "confinement", but she is not available until June 16. So if the baby gets here closer to her June 3 due date, I'll have to supervise my own confinement for 2 weeks until she can come. DH gets 2 weeks off from work though, so it should be ok. We're going to ask for no visitors until my mom gets here anyway. Because we will not be doing much around the house except the barest bare minimum of cooking and laundry. Once my mom gets here, she'll probably take a day or so to get the place back in order then we will be able to receive visitors. But probably only close friends and relatives before 1 month. 

[LessTraveledBy]

I dunno... What are you all going to do with all the time if you end up with a baby who sleeps 4 hour stretches, about 20 hours per 24. (Totally normal.) I guess I am biased because last time I felt great right after our dd had come out. It is a whole another matter, if mom ends up tired, with lots of stitches or some such.