Dear Ms. Davis-Floyd,
We lost our cherished toddler, Isabelle, in May of 2011 very suddenly due to a virus that had reached her brain which led to viral meningoencephalitis (brain swelling due to infection). It has shocked our foundation in every way. We have done some things to channel our grief, which you can find on www.bubblesforisabelle.com or Bubbles for Isabelle on Facebook, but it doesn't take away the pain or the colossal loss.
We are not religious and I'm hard pressed to accept this "happened for a reason." Learning that life isn't fair and that sometimes bad things happen to good people is a hard lesson, but we're trying to make sense of it. Right now, we are a few weeks from welcoming a new baby to the family, a little girl. We also have a son, Sebastian 23 months, who is a bright ray of sunshine even in our darkest days.
In these days leading up to the birth of our third child, I'm absolutely wracked with anxiety & sadness about entering into a new chapter without our daughter Isabelle. The baby, who by all standards is perfectly healthy, is measuring on the small side (hovering around the 10%). Isabelle was 7lbs13oz and Sebastian was 7lb7oz - so why is she small? I am at my wits end with worry, that perhaps there is something wrong. I think - I hope - I am making a big deal out of nothing, but I feel my capacity to handle any more "bad news" is null. I can't outlive another child or handle having a high needs child - I'm admittedly weak right now. When the tragedy that "happens to other people" happens to you, you suddenly latch on (despite your best efforts not to) every horrible news story involving senseless & unfair deaths, every child you pass with some kind of deficiency, every story you've heard of a child born with a rare disorder they never picked up prenatal, etc... Just so worried. Could grief cause a low birth weight? I can't find any solid evidence of such...
Gahh, what I wouldn't give to go back to blissful ignorance.
Any words of encouragement or thoughts would be appreciated.