CLW and Boundaries - Page 2

[Carlyle]

Thank you so much for taking the time to type up your thoughts!  Partly, I just saw that Time magazine cover recently, had an awkward conversation about nursing really old kids (like the one on the cover...who is nearly 2 years YOUNGER than my dd who still nurses), and then came home and started hinting and asking about weaning.  Which felt fine.  But then didn't after reading your first comments.  I don't want to start pushing my dd to wean because of a damned magazine cover.  But it helped to type in my thoughts and to read all of yours too.  I guess I am okay with starting to put the idea of weaning out there a bit more often, but I do want her to stop when she's ready, and she still seems to enjoy it a lot, so I don't feel like I need to push a lot (and yes, she was one of those intense nursers as a baby!  Has always been a really intense nurser.  So different from my younger dd!  Sometimes I question who will wean first...).  Honestly the most shocking thing you wrote was this:

Originally Posted by TiredX2 Not every child wants to nipple twiddle, not every child follows their parent into the bathroom, lol.

Really!?  :)  I just finally convinced my older dd to stop trying to twiddle (I've never let her as it drives me batty) a couple of years ago.  And I still fight my younger daughter about not twiddling my ill-placed mole.  :)

[TiredX2]

Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy 

I didn't stop him from nursing 20-30+ times a day, but when he started nursing less, I didn't continue offering every 20 minutes. I know "don't ask, don't refuse" is technically a weaning technique, but I don't know anyone who asks their 2.5 year old if they want to nurse several times an hour and that seems a bit crazy to me.
 

I don't know anyone suggesting that you offer a 2.5 year old to nurse several times an hour!  I would say (depending on the child) to give you the best chance at CLW you should be offering every 2-3 hours until the child is 2-2.5.  That age will be earlier for some kids and I can imagine it being later for some kids, but not by much (assuming they are neurotypical).  By that time most kids have good enough communication skills and memory to not "accidentally" wean.

Originally Posted by Carlyle 

 I don't want to start pushing my dd to wean because of a damned magazine cover.  But it helped to type in my thoughts and to read all of yours too.  I guess I am okay with starting to put the idea of weaning out there a bit more often, but I do want her to stop when she's ready, and she still seems to enjoy it a lot, so I don't feel like I need to push a lot (and yes, she was one of those intense nursers as a baby!  Has always been a really intense nurser.  So different from my younger dd!  Sometimes I question who will wean first...).  Honestly the most shocking thing you wrote was this:

Really!?  :)  I just finally convinced my older dd to stop trying to twiddle (I've never let her as it drives me batty) a couple of years ago.  And I still fight my younger daughter about not twiddling my ill-placed mole.  :)

See, once my kids were a little bit older I felt no issue with bringing up the idea of weaning at some point.  Just like I brought up that "someday" they would want:

1) swimming lessons

2) to play on a team

3) to go to college

4) to go to overnight camp

and so on.

There is no pressure to do it *now*, but for my kids they do good with more processing time than less (for example, if we're going on a major vacation we talk about it for months in advance and plan exactly what we're going to do.  I have friends who's kids would DRIVE THEM UP THE WALL if they told them they were going to Disneyland in 6 months. Either can be good).

Just to be clear--- I have no personal experience with kids who don't want to twiddle and/or be your personal shaddow ;)  I've heard rumors, though.

[MsCCM]

I enjoyed reading the comments on this thread. I know it is an old thread but there are a lot of interesting ideas here.

I don't come onto the the forums too often but I decided to come on today b/c I am nursing my 5-yo DD and thought it might make me happy to see some comments and posts from other extended-length nursers (which it has!!) I'm going to look around for either a forum-specific or thread-specific area for people nursing at ages 4 or 5 and above. My DD has informed me she's nursing until she is 6, which is fine with me.

FWIW, I night-weaned DD completely at 8 months of age. I'm an extremely light sleeper, and she was doing the typical nurse before she went to sleep (around 7-8 pm), nurse before I fell asleep around 10 pm, wake to nurse at midnight, 2 am, then between 4/5 pm and up around 6:30/7. How I do not miss those days! I couldn't function anymore (she would never take a bottle -- from me, or anyone, no matter how far away from the house I'd drive) so I had to set that limit.

She cried for 20 mins the first night I decided... at midnight and it was one of the worst nights of my life. I went in at her first cries and rubbed her back, then left and sat at the kitchen table watching every second on the clock. Even now I feel like it was "wrong" in many ways. But I was so desperate. After she fell asleep, she did not wake for the 2 a.m. or the 4/5 am feeding. She woke up at her regular time! The next night I *think* (it was years ago) she woke around 4/5 and I rubbed her back, she may have cried a little... and that was it. I have never had to get up since then. I am SO fortunate as I realize this probably isn't the norm!

My milk supply was unaffected; she continued to nurse on approximately the same day schedule as before and began to nurse slightly less with each passing year until now, which is usually just once day.

So.... about setting limits. I totally believe in limits, in the give-and-take of the nursing relationship and each limit one sets will be as individual and unique as the mother and child involved is. My DD was an "easy" nurser (although probably more one of those "intense" nursers -- I remember during growth spurts nursing her up to 4-5x an hour!) but she never hurt me, or twiddled, etc. The worst part now is trying to fit her onto my lap so I prefer a sofa. Occasionally her lazy latch will bother me and I have to remind her to open wider. And sometimes at night she will stop and start and make a lot of conversation and I'll tell her "You can nurse, or talk, but not both!" It's like she's sitting at the ice cream shop enjoying a milkshake and conversation, and I want her to get to bed!

I did set a limit at one point around the age of 4 or so when she angrily demanded to nurse when I was trying to discipline her, ha ha. She got the point!