A million potty training questions

[brneyedmama]

So between the hundreds of books, thousands of magazine articles, and all of my friends and relatives opinions, I'm COMPLETELY confused and overwhelmed with the idea of potty training.  DD is 18 months, and seems to be showing signs of readiness.  She tends to announce when she's about to go (although half the time it's just a fart or something,) enjoys sitting on the potty, and HATES having her diaper changed.  I'm also PG with number 2 and want to get this party started before the next comes along, when I know I'll have much less time and attention.

SO..... where do we start?  We have one of those little potties that sits on the floor of the bathroom, and she likes it, but do I need one for every room?  Should I be getting a little kid seat for the "adult" potty to take a step out of the transition?  How do you handle this when your in public and there's ONLY the "adult" potty to use?  Do you start them with pull-ups and then graduate to underwear or is that yet again another step to complicate things?  

Do I initiate potty time every so often to get the ball rolling (she doesn't announce when she pee's) and if so how often?  Even if she says "poo poo" a million times and only two of those times it's going to be accurate, do I still take her to the potty every time?  Will pull-ups hold the same amount/less/more urine than diapers?  How long, roughly, does this process usually take?  LOL

OK, so it wasn't a million questions, but I'm sure there will be more.  Any guidance from those of you who have done this would be much appreciated!  I just want to do this right the first time, I don't want to confuse her, and I'd like to be at least well on our way by the beginning of summer.  thanks again!

[laohaire]

We have one of those little potties that sits on the floor of the bathroom, and she likes it, but do I need one for every room?

No, you don't. Depending on the size and layout of your house, you might have one for upstairs and one for downstairs, though, but every room is overkill.

Should I be getting a little kid seat for the "adult" potty to take a step out of the transition?

You'll get differing opinions on this, so it's really up to you. There's nothing wrong with having a potty and then moving to a kid seat on the toilet and then to no seat. Some people don't do kid seats at all. Some people don't do potties at all. It also depends on what type of toilet you have - there are two seat sizes, and the smaller one is already pretty kid-friendly. We have the big size and we had no trouble transitioning from potty to a kid seat on the toilet. DD actually still uses the kid seat but I don't care. I don't see any reason to throw it away if it helps her feel more comfortable, and she can use other toilets in her life just fine.

How do you handle this when your in public and there's ONLY the "adult" potty to use?

You help them, you hold them. They sit on the toilet you just hold them to make sure they don't fall in. No biggie.

Do you start them with pull-ups and then graduate to underwear or is that yet again another step to complicate things?

Another thing that is just your choice and based on your unique circumstances. I never used pull-ups with DD. Try it without pull ups and see how it goes, and buy pullups if you have a particular reason why you think they might help.

Do I initiate potty time every so often to get the ball rolling (she doesn't announce when she pee's) and if so how often?

Yes, prompt her to go every now and then. I can't tell you how often; you'll have to decide based on her timing. If you're not sure, it's fine, you'll learn along with her. My DD has a bladder of steel, like mine, so I didn't need to prompt her too often. Other kids have bladders like hummingbirds and need to go pee every 15 minutes.

Even if she says "poo poo" a million times and only two of those times it's going to be accurate, do I still take her to the potty every time?

Yup. It's part of the process. She will learn to differentiate between gas and an actual need to go. I didn't run into this myself, so I am trying to picture taking her into the bathroom literally every 5 minutes... but you know what, if you're at home, just leave her pants and everything off, and just do it. After a day or two, she will get tired of going on the potty every 5 minutes too and will start being more discriminating :)

 Will pull-ups hold the same amount/less/more urine than diapers?

Sorry, no idea about pull-ups.

How long, roughly, does this process usually take?

Sorry, this varies too. Some kids train in one day, literally. For some it might take a year. Others, longer. The factors include age and development; there are other, less clear, factors as well. And the specifics vary too - some kids train for pee first, others for poop. For my DD, she was happy to pee in the potty pretty much right away, but asked for a diaper to poop into for quite a while. We also put her in a diaper at night for a little while, but soon decided to take her to the potty once in the night (sooooo cute, putting this sleepy baby on the potty) and let her sleep without diapers. DD was happier with that; she really didn't want to pee in her diaper any more though she preferred to poop into it (I think because she could squat better).

I just want to do this right the first time, I don't want to confuse her, and I'd like to be at least well on our way by the beginning of summer.

As long as you don't shame, you'll be fine. It's not about doing it right the first time, it's like everything else in parenting. It's an unfolding, organic process. And it's unique to you and your child. It's not really a step-by-step thing. You respond to your child's needs and development, and they respond to yours.

[sk8boarder15]

I can tell you what we are doing and what we like, but go with what is easiest for you and your DD. Just like the PP said, its up to you! Be flexable you may find that your DD loves the little potty and hates the toilet, give it time. Also I would highly reccomend diaper free before 3. Loved that book, very pratcial. 

SO..... where do we start?  We have one of those little potties that sits on the floor of the bathroom, and she likes it, but do I need one for every room?  

I agree, one for each floor. We have a little potty in our downstairs bathroom and in DS's room. A potty seat in the upstairs bathroom that he doesn't use much. 

Should I be getting a little kid seat for the "adult" potty to take a step out of the transition?  

It wouldn't hurt! If you have the money the built in toddler seats are GREAT. They stay up till you need them, even just for one bathroom they are worth the investment. They are just a new toliet lid/seat combo you install.  18 is still a little small to NOT have one if they want to go on the toilet, my DS is 18 months and likes having his seat. 

How do you handle this when your in public and there's ONLY the "adult" potty to use?

We do one of 3 things, we have a folding potty seat that we keep with us, but the bigger DS gets the flimsier it is, we hold DS in an "EC" position over the toliet, nice if he's willing to do it! Or we just but him on the big toilet, but way back or way forward and help support him, as he's getting more independent, this is what he wants most. 

 Do you start them with pull-ups and then graduate to underwear or is that yet again another step to complicate things 

We cloth diaper so we have just been sicking with our cloth diapers, but we did buy some FLIP training pants we use sometimes, they are basically cloth pull-ups, they make on the go pottying MUCH easier! 

Do I initiate potty time every so often to get the ball rolling (she doesn't announce when she pee's) and if so how often?

We do. There are a few times of day we ALWAYS offer the potty. When he wakes up, after breakfast, before and after nap, and before bath. This is becuase these are the times he tends to need to go. I would reccomend having some diaper free time each day around the same time (starting with a whole day one day or a whole weekend really jump starts the process!) Say the hour after breakfast, or after work or whenever you can give your DD all your attention. go diaper free and if she goes say "look your going pee pee, lets go to the potty" and take her to the potty as quick as you can and sit her there even if she's done and and hang out for a minute (we read a short book). 

 Even if she says "poo poo" a million times and only two of those times it's going to be accurate, do I still take her to the potty every time?  

I do. Always... That's us though. He gets bored with it, so eventually he stops saying it though. 

Will pull-ups hold the same amount/less/more urine than diapers?  

I have no idea!! Cloth training pants hold much much less! 

How long, roughly, does this process usually take?  I've heard 1 day to 1 year!!! Every kid is differant! 

I feel like your daughter is at a great age to start, but its also when they are gaining a lot of independence so she could easily start off great, then refuse to go on the potty for a while, be ready for anything, and always explain what is happening. Taking her to the bathroom with you and putting her on her potty everytime you go (and explaining what you are doing and what she should try to do) could be a really great start for you. My DS always does best when he goes to the bathroom with his older cousin and DS sits on the potty on the floor and my nephew sits across from him on the toilet and the both go pee at the same time. Works great! Gives the older toddler a job and makes him a good teacher for they younger one! 

[Peony]

The thing with potty training is really not to expect anything and be up for anything. Make sense? It could go really well or be a very long drawn out process. Frustration gets you no where so it can be better to not really have expectations or goals. And then there are those lovely children who regress so you actually do get them potty trained and then you do something like have another baby and then they decide to stop using the potty. 

Some children need small inserts for the potty, others do not. Some may need pull-ups, some may not. It is more of a process of figuring out what works for your child and your family. I used to think pull ups were a waste of money and then I had my 3rd child. Our children love to teach us the parents lessons. He has been potty trained at home for months, but flat out refused to go on any potty or even his potty outside of the house. So yep we use pull ups because other wise I'd be changing a cloth trainer every single hour or taking off a diaper constantly. I'm to the point where if he decides to be fully day time potty trained anytime this year then I'd be thrilled. It's 9+ months already. Pullups hold much less then a regular diaper and have to be changed more often. 

[brneyedmama]

Ok, so after posting this we went the afternoon diaper free -first time ever!  It's also become 75 degrees here overnight, so that helped!  We must have put her on the potty a thousand times in about 4 hrs, she can't go more than an hour without having a pee.  However, we never made it to the potty in time, which i totally expected at this point and am totally fine with.  The only thing I wonder, is that when she did pee in her pants, she really didn't care.  I know she doesn't like to sit in poop, but being wet she couldn't care less about.  Is this a sign she's not ready or just a matter of probably having more accidents before mastering the art?  thanks so far mama's, very helpful!

[TillyBarry]

We had good success with www.ohcrappottytraining.com.  We bought the ebook for $37 and it gave us access to the forum, where Jamie, the moderator, would quickly respond to individual problems and questions. 

We trained our son at 19 months. and now a month in he is very consistent.  Good luck!

[gitanamama]

We just let our son go diaper free for awhile (except for naps and night time) when he was 18 months old. Within a week, he was "potty-trained"--consistently using the potty and only having accidents every couple of days. It helped that we were living in a warm climate and in a house with easy to clean floors! At first, when he peed, he seemed totally surprised. We would just say, "oh, you're going pipi," put him on the potty, and then clean up the mess. By the third day, I could put him on the potty and he would go, although he still had accidents. And by the end of the week, we was telling me "pipi" when he needed to use the toilet. I still made sure to remind him every hour or so, because he did have accidents when he was really engaged in playing. We had a couple messy accidents, but overall, I'm really pleased with the whole process. If you have wood or brick floors and it's warm enough where you live, I would say just let your little one go diaper-free and see how it progresses from there. 

[Super~Single~Mama]

My ds started showing those signs of readiness at about 2y 6mo. We did diaper free sometimes - but kept the little potty in the main room that we used most often. That way it was easily accesible for him, and I also was more aware of when he went, and never had any yucky surprises.

My biggest piece of advice though is to be flexible. My ds was very close to being trained (he pretty much was trained) when we moved, his visitation schedule with his dad changed, and we just went back to pull ups. It was easier. He was always dry at daycare, but it was too much for him in our new place. So we waited. Then we moved again (the first move was to live with family while I started a new job, I saved up a few months pay and then moved into my own apartment - his daycare didn't change). We moved on January 7. His 3rd birthday was January 10. On January 11, he woke up, and was so proud that he was a big boy at 3 years old, that he declared he was going to wear big boy underwear. We never looked back, and he hasn't worn a daytime pull up since.

We've also had very few accidents - so while I think its great to encourage potty use (and I always did, even when we weren't worrying about it), I think the main consideration is how you present it, and that you NOT create power struggles over it. When she's ready, she will potty in the potty. Part of the reason that we stopped with potty training, is that I was stressed in a new job, stressed from moving, and didn't need my child peeing and pooping on my aunt and uncles furniture. I was stressed, and so I didn't want to get mad at him over something that wasn't his fault, kwim?

It worked out in the end, and was relatively stress free. You also have a new baby coming (although I don't know when you're due), so you definitely want to consider what is the least stressful option. If she's ready to potty train, that's great, but if she isn't (and you'll know) or if you aren't ready to take it on, its totally OK. She will train, most likely before she's 4, and you should make it as stress free for both of you as possible.

[brneyedmama]

So we've been doing the diaper free idea for several days now, and it's going....fine.  She likes to sit on the potty because we read lots of books and she's LOVING being comando, but we haven't actually made it to the potty yet.  When we first started she didn't even know she was peeing, was totally surprised.  Now, 24 hrs later she announces that she just did on the floor, which seems like progress right?  I then take her to the potty, where she sits for 1/2 a second and is up running again.  I don't mind cleaning up the puddles -we take it to the real toilet, flush it down, and say "goodbye" which she seems to enjoy.  But when she messes on the floor, and i take her to the potty, I usually tell her what a good job she's doing, we clap, etc etc.  Is this confusing her though? I mean, she knows she didn't actually go ON the potty, but what else would is say exactly?  Is this encouraging peeing on the floor and then announcing?

I don't want to give the wrong impression that I'm over thinking this, it's just that DD is a very stubborn very independent toddler, and we have dealt with some serious power struggles with food which I've learned to relax with, and i just want to be sure the same thing doesn't happen with potty training.  I'd rather have this be a relaxed, fun experience, and in order for me to make sure that happens, I need to feel comfortable that I'm handling it the right way.  Does that make sense?  Also, PP when you say if she's not ready that I would know -how would I know?

This by no means HAS to happen now.  I'm due in 2 months, we're headed into summer and it feels child led so I don't think I'm forcing it.  just wanna be sure that if we get part way into it, and it's not working or it turns out she's not ready, that I'm able to pick up on that.  thanks!

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by brneyedmama 

I don't want to give the wrong impression that I'm over thinking this, it's just that DD is a very stubborn very independent toddler, and we have dealt with some serious power struggles with food which I've learned to relax with, and i just want to be sure the same thing doesn't happen with potty training.  I'd rather have this be a relaxed, fun experience, and in order for me to make sure that happens, I need to feel comfortable that I'm handling it the right way.  Does that make sense?  Also, PP when you say if she's not ready that I would know -how would I know?

This by no means HAS to happen now.  I'm due in 2 months, we're headed into summer and it feels child led so I don't think I'm forcing it.  just wanna be sure that if we get part way into it, and it's not working or it turns out she's not ready, that I'm able to pick up on that.  thanks!

Hmm...By your newest post I'm thinking maybe she isn't ready. She is also very young to potty train - so the fact that you are conscious of not making it a power struggle is a good one. If she hasn't actually gone on the potty, I think maybe you should wait and try again in 6 months. If she doesn't know that she's going, or doesn't recognize when she needs to go, I think its better to wait until she does.

And, even though right now you might not mind cleaning up messes, once the new baby is here you won't have the energy (I wouldn't! You might be super mom, but you definitely won't want her messing on the floor in order to get attention!)

[sk8boarder15]

Persoally I wouldn't clap and say "yay" unless she actually goes on the potty. I'll sit DS on the potty after an "accident" but I just calmly talk and say "Next time lets go pee right here on the potty."