We live on one side on the US, and our families and my step daughter lives on the other side of the US.
My SD lives with her mother. They go and visit my mother on occasions, ie birthdays, holiday, softball games. My mom really doesn't call too much. I pretty much ask the questions and my mom asks me to call and ask if she can come or if they can come over. My mom would call, but she is the shy type, so I pretty much just take care of it. I have a pretty "normal" family, other than my Grandmother with Dementia now lives with them. That really keeps my parents busier than they use to be. So are not as involved as they once were.
On the other hand, my husbands family is not what you would call "normal". It took me a long time to trust them. Not that I trust them all now. His dad was the craziest of the bunch, but after being in a coma for months, he has really changed his life around. I do trust him now, but I have been around him enough when he lived with us while learning how to put shoes on and take care of himself again.
Now, my SD's mom does not trust them. She grew up about the same way that I did. My husband feels like they have tried to be involved in her life, but voicemail after voicemail with no return call gets old. He does ask her to call back, but asking is all he can do. They are wanting to be involved, but I couldn't say that I would just do it if the roles were switched honestly. It is really bothering my husband that his grandparents are getting so old and they are asking to see her. I would prob do the same thing if the roles were reversed, so I can't help him. I know it is wrong, but what do you do?
Now the 90th bday party is very soon, and they want her to atleast attend that. I can't get her mom to answer mine or his calls. He did text her about it, but she doesn't text back. What do you do. Now for this, I would prob let mine go if someone I did trust was with them. But for this occassion, I would prob say for 2 hrs max, and I'll be back to get them. See the problem is for my husband is his dad lives right down the road from her, so he sees no reason she can't go. He gets mad at me for not liking his family, so I can't tell him that I agree with her. That is just a fight that I am not going to have b/c of his ex. We have enough without this one. So what do you do? Ultimately, it is her decision b/c he is not there. But his grandparents haven't seen her in so many years, but his dad lived with us for a few years and she does love him. Yeah, I just don't know what I could do. Any suggestions?