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When to let your teen shave their bikini line?

post #1 of 43
Thread Starter 
Hi ladies! Ok so I have 3 girls: 18 yr old Madelyn, 13 yr old Sophie, and 9 yr old Charlotte. Madelyn started shaving her bikini line at 16 after speaking with me about it and then with my permission, she got it professionally waxed and has been for the past 2 years. We were at the pool this afternoon and I noticed some pubic hair showing from underneath Sophie's bikini. I have an amazing relationship with all 3 of my girls, but should I mention something about this to Sophie or wait until she brings it up? And what should I tell her? Thanks for any suggestions.
post #2 of 43

I would mention it, if it were my dd. It's just a grooming issue. When my dd was 13, last summer, she had a bit showing as well when in a swimsuit. I just casually mentioned to her that I noticed it and that she might want to take care of it, and then explained some options and bought her a trimmer. 

When it comes down to it, I figure it's her decision what to do with her own body, but it's up to me to let her know what's generally considered appropriate and to help her learn how to deal with her body.

post #3 of 43

I am not a parent. But I couldn't help noticing this thread. I'd advise saying nothing and allowing your daughter to make her own choices about whether or not (or how) she wants to groom her pubic hair. Or at the very least wait until she brings it up.

 

Edited to add:

It may not bother her after all. Or it just may not be on her radar yet, plenty of time for her to figure out what she wants to do with it.

post #4 of 43

Another option could be to look for swim suits with "boy shorts" bottoms.  Lots of bikinis come with this type of bottom now.  There's a little more coverage, so that may work for now.  I know my dd likes this style-I do too.

post #5 of 43

I'd likely mention it to my daughter, and just provide possible options she may/may not be interested in.

 

The part that caught my eye was about when to "let" your daughter shave her bikini line. I don't really think that's your decision to make.

post #6 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zephyrine View Post

I am not a parent. But I couldn't help noticing this thread. I'd advise saying nothing and allowing your daughter to make her own choices about whether or not (or how) she wants to groom her pubic hair. Or at the very least wait until she brings it up.

 

Edited to add:

It may not bother her after all. Or it just may not be on her radar yet, plenty of time for her to figure out what she wants to do with it.



Totally agree that it is her choice to do whatever she wants with her body.

But from my perspective, with my dd at least, I know this: She does not want to be embarrassed in front of other kids. When I casually mentioned to her last year that hair was noticeably visible, she had not been aware of it. She appreciated me telling her, because honestly ... that is something middle school kids can be pretty cruel about.

After she knew about it, and I had let her know about some of the options available (one of which was to do nothing, and it was totally up to her), I let her make her own decision.

 

But I do have to say that I think it's almost mean not to (kindly, gently) instruct our children about what is generally appropriate in society, or to let them know when there's something on their person that is potentially embarrassing. For example, I'd also let her know if she has a booger hanging out of her nose, or something in her teeth. I would hope she would do the same for me.

post #7 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by grethel View Post



Totally agree that it is her choice to do whatever she wants with her body.

But from my perspective, with my dd at least, I know this: She does not want to be embarrassed in front of other kids. When I casually mentioned to her last year that hair was noticeably visible, she had not been aware of it. She appreciated me telling her, because honestly ... that is something middle school kids can be pretty cruel about.

After she knew about it, and I had let her know about some of the options available (one of which was to do nothing, and it was totally up to her), I let her make her own decision.

 

But I do have to say that I think it's almost mean not to (kindly, gently) instruct our children about what is generally appropriate in society, or to let them know when there's something on their person that is potentially embarrassing. For example, I'd also let her know if she has a booger hanging out of her nose, or something in her teeth. I would hope she would do the same for me.


I agree with this. Yes, pubic hair is natural and if the majority of people didn't do some trimming then we probably all would have some having out! I'm totally fine with those that have made the choice to be completely natural and not shave or trim anything. But we are talking about middle school to high school kids. Classmates are cruel. If they want to not trim, then more power to her, she will also be in a space she she can more easily deal with comments. If she has no idea what is showing and then gets teased about it, that is something that can be very embarrassing to potentially scarring depending on how and when it comes up. I'd just mention it in casual way of "Hey Sophie, when we were at the pool the other day, I noticed this." And see where it takes you. 

post #8 of 43

I have a dd who is almost 12 and I'm leaving the "when to shave" decision entirely up to her.  I don't feel it's really my place to either forbid or allow it, since it's her body (especially since teens will shave what they will, most likely, regardless of what mom/dad says).  With that said, if she did have some pubic hair peeking out from her bathing suit, I would gently say something to her in private, just to make sure she's aware. 

post #9 of 43

Wanna hear something crazy? My 12yo dd shaves all her pubic hair. I didn't know what to do with it at first. She told me that it disgusted her, and I talked to her about it being natural etc, but she said it should be her choice, so when she started shaving her armpits and legs, she began to shave that area too. I am sure part of it has to do with the fact that I shave all mine too (and have for probably as long as she's known), but also, she gets grossed out by her friends' "big pouff" as she calls it. 

 

So to answer the question, yes, and then some, I guess. And would I tell her if it was showing? Absolutely.

post #10 of 43

I would privately tell her that you noticed that some pubic hair was showing when she wore that suit. If it bothers her then you can talk to her about maybe shaving or just wearing something different.

I think if she wanted to get professional hair removal like your older dd then I can understand getting your permission or approval for that. I don't really think she needs permission to shave or trim that area on her own though.

post #11 of 43

I know for many this is simply a "grooming issue" but for me the idea of bringing it up unprompted really makes me react, it really gets me upset & I'm not sure why. It would have embarased me beyond belief at that age if my mom had pointed it out & at the same time I would not have felt comfortable shaving but would have felt it was expected. I guess it just feels like if you point it out you are somewhat passing that judgement on to her. I found it shocking at 16 when I found out one of my friends was trimming & a part of me still feels very dismayed at the whole practice.

 

Maybe I am less hairy than others but I find that just making sure my suit is adjusted properly there is no hair showing & I have never groomed my bikini line in any way. Perhaps this is a suggestion that can be made instead? Similar to adjusting when it starts to slide up your butt.

post #12 of 43

I'd leave her alone about her pubic hair.

post #13 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post

I know for many this is simply a "grooming issue" but for me the idea of bringing it up unprompted really makes me react, it really gets me upset & I'm not sure why. It would have embarased me beyond belief at that age if my mom had pointed it out & at the same time I would not have felt comfortable shaving but would have felt it was expected. I guess it just feels like if you point it out you are somewhat passing that judgement on to her. I found it shocking at 16 when I found out one of my friends was trimming & a part of me still feels very dismayed at the whole practice.

 

Maybe I am less hairy than others but I find that just making sure my suit is adjusted properly there is no hair showing & I have never groomed my bikini line in any way. Perhaps this is a suggestion that can be made instead? Similar to adjusting when it starts to slide up your butt.


To the bolded: Yes, in that case you are very different from me (and my daughter). My hair extends a couple of inches down my thighs. If I didn't shave or trim the part that's on my thighs, it would be *extremely* noticeable in a swimsuit and there is no way I could cover it by adjusting the suit. Even a boyleg suit probably would not be enough. So I guess there is quite a variation among people. I can see how if your hair really is all covered by your suit (and thus only in a very private area), you could find the idea of talking about it with a parent dismaying or invasive. FWIW, the only part of her pubic hair I discussed with her at the time last year was the part on her thighs that was very visible.

post #14 of 43

I think I would just mention that you do it, or that some women do it in a more general conversation.  She may not have thought about it before, but if you mention without talking about her specifically she will look on her own and decide on her own what she prefers.  You don't have to say you were noticing hers, as that will make her feel like you're telling her she should do it and also she may feel self-conscious realizing mom's been looking at and thinking about her pubes.

 

As far as "letting" I suppose when she wants.  My oldest dd started shaving everywhere by about 14yo.  I didn't even know for a while.  Once they can use a razor, it seems where they use it is up to them.

post #15 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlest birds View Post

and also she may feel self-conscious realizing mom's been looking at and thinking about her pubes.

 

 



Really, I'm in my 40s and I'd be mortified. blush.gif

 

 

post #16 of 43

sooo......for the parents who think its up to their daughter or who wouldnt say anything would you be ok with her wearing a swimsuit that lets her pubic hair all hang out in public?  are you really ok with that?

post #17 of 43

I don't recall be a grizzly at 13.  And I don't remember even having anything that needed extreme attention until I was at least 20.  And I'm mexican.  A little bit hairier than most.  What kind of bathing suit would a kid be wearing that would be showing apparent crotch to knee hair? 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by superspatula View Post

sooo......for the parents who think its up to their daughter or who wouldnt say anything would you be ok with her wearing a swimsuit that lets her pubic hair all hang out in public?  are you really ok with that?



 

post #18 of 43
Not at 13 but definitely before I was 20 I had patches of coarse dark hair extending about 6 inches down my inner thighs. Zero possibility of anything but board shorts or a Victorian-style costume covering them.

I probably would say something because I wouldn't want her to be teased.
post #19 of 43

This convo gives me the giggles.  DD2 came in while I was taking a bath yesterday and this girl has snaps.  She looked at me and said "WHOA! let that grizzly go!"  She's 7.  I hope she's a hairy beast when she grows up!

post #20 of 43
Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

I don't recall be a grizzly at 13.  And I don't remember even having anything that needed extreme attention until I was at least 20.  And I'm mexican.  A little bit hairier than most.  What kind of bathing suit would a kid be wearing that would be showing apparent crotch to knee hair? 

 



 


It totally depends on the child and the suit.  Any hair on the leg is going to be visible in a suit that is even slightly cut higher.  My experience is that pre-teen type suits from Justice are like this.  My dd finds boy leg suits comfortable for this reason-Roxy and those type of "surf" brands work well for her.  I think that this is one of those conversations that you can have that identifies shaving, grooming as something that is available as an option, not a necessity until/unless your child feels so.  I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing options, and then leaving the choice open.

 

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