She asked "the" question... now what?

[Jen Muise]

Yup, out of the blue while making dinner last night, my 9yo came up and asked me point blank - "mommy, does Santa exist, or is it parents that do all that stuff?"  Dd 6 was within earshot so I was evasive and said a bunch of Santa is the spirit of christmas and parents help out stuff while trying to change the topic.  Wasn't ready for that one!!    What have you done or what do you intend to do when this gets asked in your house?  Or have you taken steps to demystify the whole thing before it gets there?  And how do you manage to have kids that 'know' and kinds that don't in the same house, or does that just not happen?

[zinemama]

If the 9yo is old enough to ask, she's old enough to get an honest answer from you. And if she's asked, it's because she's been thinking about it on her own for awhile, so the truth probably won't be as big a deal as you might suspect.

As for your younger dd, if she's still a true believer, I would enlist the older one to help keep the magic going. Confide in her that you still want Santa to be a fun thing for her little sister. Maybe tell her she can help write the notes from Santa this year. I'm betting that she will be pleased that you were honest with her and thrilled to be in on the secret with her parents.

[CherryBombMama]

Yes, please be honest with her. My mom rolled her eyes one day and was like, "You don't really believe in Santa still, do you?" and I was so embarrassed because I did!

Making it fun for the younger sister sounds like a great idea!

So far we have just taken the approach of "Santa is fun, but Mama and Dada buy your presents." We let them say hi to the mall Santa, but call him the mall Santa and do a super quick toddler friendly reminder of who the real Santa was.  Works for us.

[aHikaru]

Originally Posted by zinemama 

If the 9yo is old enough to ask, she's old enough to get an honest answer from you. And if she's asked, it's because she's been thinking about it on her own for awhile, so the truth probably won't be as big a deal as you might suspect.
As for your younger dd, if she's still a true believer, I would enlist the older one to help keep the magic going. Confide in her that you still want Santa to be a fun thing for her little sister. Maybe tell her she can help write the notes from Santa this year. I'm betting that she will be pleased that you were honest with her and thrilled to be in on the secret with her parents.

[MamaMunchkin]

My then-5yr-old asked this - I said grownups give gifts to each other but kids get their stuff from Santa. 

The next question was, of course, when do kids become grownups?  I think I said something like when you're old enough, like a teenager, or something along that line.

Not sure if a 9-yr-old would buy this, but then it wouldn't burst the bubble for your younger one.

[LynnS6]

I was pretty open about it. My kids first started asking about age 5. I would first respond with "what do you think?" At age 5, it was clear that they were still into the magic and they would go through a set of reasons as to why it had to be Santa. At about age 7, both of my kids said "I think you're really Santa". Then I'd ask them why, and they usually had pretty clear answers and I'd tell them they were right. Ds wanted to know why we'd do such a thing and dd was thrilled that I was the one who'd actually given her the presents. Different kids ,different reactions.

It was harder when my older child asked because I didn't want the younger one to know. I eventually had to say quietly "Let's talk about this when your sister isn't around." yeah, that's kind of a give away, but he knew really anyway. When they're old enough to say "I think you're Santa" then they're old enough to know.

[sk8boarder15]

hahaha I thought "THE QUESTION" was about sex! Santa is way easier than the sex talk! 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

hahaha I thought "THE QUESTION" was about sex! Santa is way easier than the sex talk! 

LOL!! Me too

[jmarroq]

My son brought it up recently and we thought he was old enough to know (almost 9). He too has a younger sibling. Normally they fight all the time and he is mean to her. I thought for sure he was going to tell her to be spiteful, but it is really sweet how he hasn't told her yet. When we told him, his reaction was very dramatic. He was really ticked off. He cried and yelled and was very angry with us. I was always a bit torn on the whole Santa thing. Always felt a little weird lying to my kids, but loved seeing them believe in magic, as I did when I was a kid.

[SweetSilver]

Originally Posted by sk8boarder15 

hahaha I thought "THE QUESTION" was about sex! Santa is way easier than the sex talk! 

Same thought here.  I was already formulating a response in my mind when I saw the question was about Santa.

Yeah, pull her aside and tell her privately.  Perhaps you can enlist her help to play "Santa" with your youngest at Christmas time.  That might help her transition more into the role of adult.
 

[ChitownTracy]

/
Edited by ChitownTracy - 7/19/12 at 8:04pm

[Jen Muise]

:)  that's perfect , ty

[Mom2M]

Originally Posted by ChitownTracy 

Love this article http://www.cozi.com/live-simply/truth-about-santa
Since I love it so much I copied/pasted here:
A few months back, the Tooth Fairy got busted. She left a note for Alice up on her computer, and Lucy figured the whole business out. The Tooth Fairy cursed her need to write notes in elaborate fonts and tried to come up with a cover story, but it didn’t fool Lucy.
To her credit, Lucy has kept the secret from her little sister, who still hasn’t lost a tooth and deserves to wake up with money under her pillow.
But the Tooth Fairy knew it couldn’t be too long before Santa was similarly unmasked. She didn’t know when or how, but she knew the days of magic in her house, at least magic of a certain sort, were coming to an end.
And the Tooth Fairy—by which I mean myself—was pretty darned sad about the inevitable, which finally arrived last week.
Lucy and I have been exchanging notes since the school year started. We’ve talked about all sorts of things—sports, books we’d like to read, adventures we’d like to have, even stories from when I was in third grade. For the most part, though, it’s been light, casual stuff. Until last week.
I NEED TO KNOW, she wrote, using capital letters for emphasis. ARE YOU SANTA? TELL ME THE TRUTH.
What do you do when your kid asks for the truth? You tell it, of course, doing your best to figure out a way that keeps at least some of the magic intact.
Here’s what I wrote:
Dear Lucy,
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
I love you and I always will.

I love this!

[sk8boarder15]

That letter is fantastic. I love it!