Our twins are 8 months old- legally we have nothing on paper surrounding our wishes.
We are at a place in which we've sort of stuck with going with my sister-in-law, the boys' Auntie, as guardian. I have been honest with my partner that this isn't my first choice. We have dear friends who are a couple, who are in the "family zone" themselves, sharing a similar lifestyle and are similar philosophically to us. This couple was an obvious choice for me as our "backup guardians" for our children. And in initially explaining this to our family, mainly my sister-in-law, during my pregnancy, a great deal of offence was taken to choosing someone outside of family- particularly of depriving the only sibling of this care-provider role.
I've tried to be as understanding as possible. I am an only child, my partner has only the one sister. My partner seemed very much in agreement with the choice of our couple-friends though after having some conflict with his sister over this, seemed to waiver with his thoughts, and then seemed to just change his mind- explaining to me how unique and special a sibling relationship is and that we should take her feelings into consideration and honour his sister with this role.
This isn't a topic that comes up often, though in reflecting from where we're at now- my sister in law just hasn't taken on the Auntie role the way I would have hoped. I don't plan on not being here for my boys, though life's unpredictable, and I just can't sit well with the thought that should something happen to me someone who hasn't had nearly the involvement as other loved ones in their lives would have legal custody over my children.
My partner and I have an extremely open dialogue between us, and I was surprised he had changed his mind from our friends to his sister as guardian as we had thoroughly discussed this together early in our pregnancy. I really feel the need to readdress this, and I feel he would see and appreciate my views on this- though I want to be sure to address this in as considerate a way as I can.
I am an only child, my knowledge of sibling relationships and expectations comes only from what I observe in other families. After reading through this situation, can you please advise first of all if it seems appropriate for me to wish my children to be with a guardian who is not their relative, and how to best bring this issue to the floor? I'm trying to be fair, though there's a small chance this is something to affect my children's upbringing, and I really don't feel that's something to be dictated by the worry of stepping on someone's toes and hurting feelings. I want what's best for them.
Oh family dynamics....
Thanks for reading, and I look forward to responses.