maybe I just don't like the word "failure"--see --I would have called your indicaton 'persistent occiput posterior with non-reassurring fetal heart tracing"------hmmm why the word failure come to think of it!!!??? POP takes the "failure" out of it---
- topicHomebirthtagged by System, 3/23/12
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Friend had hospital birth.... - Page 2post #22 of 243/29/12 at 6:15am
Thanks for your response! I totally didn't feel you were criticizing me personally. No worries there. I just get a little bristly when I read things that make it *sound* like failure to progress is ALWAYS actually down to human error/impatience. I think I misunderstood the intent of what you were trying to say. I'm happy we could talk about it!
I think part of my sensitivity comes from the fact that whenever I share my birth story, I seem to get this attitude from other moms about how I must've done something wrong. I shared my birth story at a mom's group recently, just the short version of it, and this woman said to me, "oh were you an induction gone wrong?" *sigh. NO. Not every woman that ends up with a c-section or has FTP as a diagnosis is an induction story. And for that matter, not every woman who has a c-section did something "wrong" that in hindsight, could've been avoided. Sometimes c-sections really do just happen, and there are times that I feel that in our desire to conquer our fear of something we can't totally control (birth), we don't make room for stories in which everything was done "right," and the outcome still wasn't what we planned.
I labored for 3 days with my son, I did all kinds of positions, I ran up stairs while having contractions, I was in and out of the tub, I walked, I tried pit, and my midwife and the doc both tried to reach in and turn my baby. I did it all, my friend. And my little fella was just still stuck- my theory is that he couldn't turn because not only were my waters already broken, but he was wrapped up in the cord like a Christmas tree (2x around the neck, 1 around his body, and he was hanging onto the cord). Such is life.
Yeah, I'm so with you on that whole "failure" thing! I hate that the word "failure" is used to describe anything about my birth experience. I worked my butt off, and my baby and I made it out alive. I didn't get the outcome I wanted, and I've mourned that in a big way. But let me tell you, it didn't help my emotional recovery one bit to have that word "failure" hanging around.
I think the way you talk to women about contractions is really good. You sound much different than the OB that attended me at the hospital. Not only was I told my contractions weren't "real" by the on-call family practice doc, the OB they called in later told everyone that I shouldn't be so "dramatic" since I hadn't been in "real labor." At that point my midwife said in her sweet/severe voice "I think it's time for you and I to speak in the hall right. now."
Anyway, I've hijacked the OP's thread here. My apologies for that. But thanks for this exchange, obdoc! Very interesting stuff.post #23 of 244/10/12 at 4:04pm
I hate the big baby talk, mom31. I really understand. I'm in a due date group on another board and sometimes when other moms come back saying their doc is freaking out because an u/s showed the baby is way ahead and is going to be big I do say something, but lots of times I just don't. It's really hard.
I know I shouldn't take it personally either, but I just feel like this attitude that has been instilled in everyone actually makes my life harder. It's a really hard thing to go to doctors and say, my first was a c-section and he weighed 12 lbs and I want to have a VBAC. I did do it, but it was such a fight (and my VBAC baby was 10.5 lbs). And it's because people think a 9 lb baby is humongous that is part of what causes those of us for whom big babies are the norm (no GD, family history of big babies) to have problems.
Heck, I even fear it! I'm entering kind of the home stretch here and lately I've been worried that this boy is going to be even bigger than my first and I won't be able to birth him. Having had a c-section with my first was a serious blow to my confidence (the section wasn't for size either, they had no idea he was so big). I'll never know if I could have pushed him out. :(post #24 of 244/10/12 at 4:16pmThread Starter
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