Stressed and crying tonight in the NICU

[ThankfulMama]

Hi mamas. I'm having a really rough night.  I delivered my 34 weeker twins Monday.  They are doing very well on room air.  They are being fed via ng tube and my daughter has started to latch and is removing small amounts of milk.  They are feeders and growers.  My NICU nurse today told me that as far as she is concerned, I can kangaroo care the twins all day long because that is quiet time and that is what's best for them.  She was the best, but she is not working this weekend.  Well, my daughter was just crying in her isolette and I pushed the call button and a nurse came in (private NICU rooms) and I asked to hold my daughter and she basically told me no--she re-swaddled her and told me to get some rest.  The charge nurse talked to me shortly afterwards when they saw me crying in the hall--she was trying to convince me (and from the sound of it, convince herself too) that my babies needed quiet time to grow.  

Can you help me find the research that shows my nurse today was right--that skin-to-skin with me is going to help them grow more than laying in a plastic box? 

Having someone tell me when I can hold my babies or that I cannot hold my crying baby is the worst.  

[Imakcerka]

So sorry mama, I really don't know much about what you're asking but I just wanted to give you a hug.

Hang in there mama.

[maryeliz]

I would ask to have a meeting with one of the NICU doctors.  Unless your baby is comfortable when resting alone, and then shows signs of distress (crying, problems with breathing rate or heart rate, stiffening her body) when you hold her, you should be able to hold her.  34weeks is pretty old in NICU time, I don't think there is any evidence to support the idea that a 34weeker needs "quiet time."  Also, crying is an obvious sign of distress.  If your baby is crying in the isolette and then stops when you hold her that is the best sign that she needs to be held.

Talk to the doctors, ask them to explain the exact circumstances under which you can or can't hold your baby.  If they agree that you can hold her, have them write in her chart that she can be held as often if you want.  Then if a nurse gives you a hard time, you can't just point to the chart.  It is possible when you talk to the doctor that they will have specific concerns that the nurse didn't tell you-maybe your baby is having trouble controlling her temp when out of the isolette.  But in itself, the "she needs quiet time" argument is just ridiculous, particularly for a baby who is crying.

I know that it can be really hard in the NICU to challenge the experts-and I definitely let things slide just because I had no energy.  But from what you describe, you are totally right.

I had several situations where one nurse said one thing, and another said something different.  In those cases I found it really helpful to meet with the doctors, tell them what I wanted, and then have the official rules written in her chart.

[maryeliz]

Also, when you talk to doctors and nurses remember that it is not your job to show them studies that say holding your baby is a good thing, it is their job to show you evidence that holding your baby will hurt her.  If they can't prove that holding the baby will hurt her, they should defer to your wishes as her parent.

Good luck!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[madeitX2]

Ok I am so sorry and wish I could talk to you. I just went thru all this and I didn't ask to hold my baby after a week of trying to convience them! Finally after nine days I was approved to do as much as I wanted. It was so hard dealing with so many personalities during our 5 wk stay. 31 weaker!

Just be bold take her out an listen to your soul. Two great reads are the kangaroo care books or www.kangaroocareusa dot org

Hugs!

[ThankfulMama]

Thanks mamas.  I really appreciate your suggestions.  I'm thinking of talking to the nurse manager tomorrow morning--I hope I get good nurses this week.  This is so rough--I wouldn't wish it on anyone even though our babies are doing well so far.  All I want to do is snuggle my babies and breastfeed them (and, of course, take them home).  I become apprehensive at shift change to see who our nurse will be--not fun.  Some nurses are great and others are not so much.

[MadelinesMama]

I know what you mean about the nurses.  At our NICU we were allowed to make a list of requested primary nurses.  So basically if they were there they got first dibs on our baby, and if they weren't it was a crapshoot. 

I remember calling first thing in the morning and holding my breath waiting to see who would answer the phone and have my baby for the day.