Not sure where to post this exactly, because it's not necessarily a kid related issue, just me feeling so overly frustrated with my parents and their (mainly my mother) lack of interest in 18 month old DD. I know that every family has their issues, all of our parents drive us crazy, and with any luck our kids will be saying the same thing about us one day, but honestly, I think my mother might just be the worst grandmother and I'm not sure how to handle it at this point.
my parents live 5 miles down the road for starters, and my mother hasn't asked ONCE if she could babysit. Due to our own relationship, I knew she was never going to be one of those gushy gushy grandma's and I have come to peace with that, but never once asking in a year and half to babysit? So in other words, she has no real interest. DH and I work opposite shifts so that we rarely need to use childcare, but with number 2 due in 10 weeks I'm trying to pick up as many shifts as possible to save a little extra cash. I sent my parents an e-mail (yes this is how we communicate) asking if my mother could do 9-1 today and my father could do 1-5. They both said no problem, and we confirmed it through e-mail several days later. She calls me yesterday and says that she's confused about when she's supposed to babysit, isn't it 2:00-4:30 she asks? Uuummm, no, it's 9-1 I told her. This isn't the first time that she responds this way so I've just gotten used to it.
Last time she babysat, which was three weeks ago and for 2 hrs I might add, I mentioned that we don't want DD watching t.v. during the day (we know that my mother turns it on so she doesn't have to interact) to which my mother replies, "oh man, you're going to make babysitting hard" I said I'm sure she could handle it for the whole 2 hrs, and that was that.
Now today, I'm at work and DH is away at a conference. I sent my mother very simple, very explicit instructions on how to get DD to take a nap. To start things off, she told DH when she first got there, that he needn't bother showing her where her coat and boots are because they wouldn't be going outside because she only got 2 hrs of sleep last night and didn't have the energy. Didn't have the energy to what? Take a fricken walk down the driveway? SO anyway, obviously there's already going to be issues. DD is easy to put down -quick bottle in the rocker, give her a paci and blankie, close the door on your way out, 15 minutes later she's out. Apparently, via texts that I initiated from work because naturally i was worried, my mother was on her 2nd hour of trying to get DD to go to sleep. She said there was lots of crying (which has NEVER happened for anyone else) so she gave her toys in her crib (which has NEVER needed to happen before) and still she wouldn't go down. I considered driving home and putting her down myself at this point because I was so frustrated but left it alone.
Long story made short, by the time DH got home this evening (I'm STILL at work, 24 hrs shift) he not only found toys in her crib, but a couple half eaten cookies. What the hell?! So essentially, my mom was too lazy and too....whatever to deal with DD. so she just gave her a bunch of toys and cookies and stuck her in her crib?! And then when I asked her why she did that, she denied it, and said that those things weren't in her crib when she left at 1:00?!
Anyway, the details of my mother are far too complicated to explain here, it's just that today was the straw that broke the donkey's back for me. On average my mom spends 3-4 hrs a month with DD and knows NOTHING about her, and obviously doesn't seem to care. Unfortunately, we really could use the help, and with them living so close by, it's infuriating to not be able to ask for it. I guess what I'm asking of all of you is, how are your kids relationships with their grandparents? Do they live close by, and if so how often do they babysit? Do you think this is an unhealthy relationship to expose DD to, and should we stop asking (even though it's so minimal) for any babysitting and see how long she actually goes without seeing DD? I dunno, I don't want to feel like I'm depriving DD either. What do you all think?