WIth our new baby coming up in June, I'm thinking about how I will need to plan differently for the birth than I did with #1.
DD came 2 years before we realized DH had AS. I had high hopes and expectations that the birth would be the wonderful partner bonding experience that you often see and read about. Never mind that DH kept saying he just wanted to sit in the waiting room (symbolically speaking since we had a home birth) like his father got to do. He kept saying he didn't really want to be there, in so many ways. But I figured once the baby was born it would be a life transforming opening experience for him. Boy, I was wrong!
Instead it was very frustrating. DH really struggled seeing me in pain for so many hours. He stayed in his room for much of the time. Towards the end he got into the birth tub with me, but imagine what it means to be an aspie and be in the water with all that birth fluid and blood! My midwives just couldn't understand why he left immediately to go shower off instead of staying with me and dd. I hemorrhaged and instead of being right there by my side as they got me stabilized, he was downstairs on the computer looking up all sorts of remedies that we might need (one of his special interests is holistic health). The whole experience blew his nervous system out and we hardly saw him for the first two weeks after birth. My mother had to keep coming to find him and remind him to come and visit us (we where in the guest room).
But, now we have more information. I've let him know that he doesn't have to be there for the birth. Luckily he has DD to be with and that will give him a focus. But I do want to have him involved in some ways. I still have my own need to have him there for support (although it doesn't have to be the whole time). And I would like for this birth to be different so that we can both heal from the trauma of the last one. I'm using hypnobabies and hope that perhaps it will help the birth be more gentle on us and give us a way to work together.
How was birth for you and your partner? What did you learn from that worked better the next time around? What would you do differently?
Edited by MamaRuga - 3/25/12 at 8:56am