I could use your personal advice/opinions with this issue. Please bear with me, Im going to try to keep it as short as possible. Any advice, BTDT stories or the like would be greatly appreciated from us. Thanks in advance.
Our DS turned 3 in December and is a very bright little boy. He enjoys puzzels, sports and playing with his big sister. He knows alot of sign launguage, spanish and can count over 20 as well as completing difficult puzzels with little help. He can be very very loving and affectionate. He is very funny and loves to make others laugh. Hes very loved by our family and means the world to us.
But we are a bit worried about some of his behaviours and we would like to know if we have no need to worry, because this is normal or if maybe there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. DH has actually suggested that he thinks we should have him check for a learing disorder, which Im not sure if i agree with or not.
Let me know what you think:
- He has very violent outburst. During these outburst he will punch, kick, spit and yell with a very deep, growly, angry voice. During these outburst ( that can last for about 15 minutes ) he just seems to lose control and no matter what we do, it makes it worse and he will not calm. These outburst are normally brought on by nap times or when its time to stop one activity and go onto another ( such as come in from outdoors and have lunch).
- He will punch others in the face with NO provoking whatsoever. Just today he punched DD in the face, barely missing her eye and left a small knot right between her eyes. And he is STRONG. I know this from personal expeirence during his tantrums. Today, they both where watching TV on our sofa, DS got up to ask for some juice and when we retuned to the sofa DD had moved into 'his spot' and instead of asking her to move or saying anything at all, he punched her HARD in the face. We have talked to him endlessly about using his words when he is angry and not to hit, but he just doesnt seem to understand. He also got into a 'brawl' with another little boy his age this weekend at a family gathering for no reason. He has never been taught to hit in any manner. We dont have cabel on TV so we only watch family movies together. I would like to add that he often says he's sorry afterwards, but will turn around and do it again minutes later. And sometimes these punches/kicks are brought on by him not wanting to share and things of that nature.
- He is very defiant when it comes to eating, sleeping and going to the potty. He pee pees in the potty but refuses to poop in the potty, even when the poop is literaly hanging out of his butt ( sorry if TMI ). We have stopped potty training all together because it seemed to make him far too upset. He will refuse to eat most of the time and only eats a very small group of things ( i know this is pretty common among his age group ) and if he is eating and we tell him how wondful that his, he will stop eating all together. He doesnt seem to care to strive to make us proud, as many children do. He trys to make just about everything into a fight. He doesnt respond to discipline such as time outs or rewards such as treats and trips to the park, he eaiter seems to just not care or just not understand.
- It doesnt matter how many times he gets time outs or toys removed for doing something, he will repeat the same action within MINUTES of being talked to and put into time out for the action. This is why DH thinks that he might have a LD because sometimes is seems as though he just doesnt remember what we've said, no matter how many times it is repeated to him. Also, he will express how much he really really wants to go to school and he knows that he cannot go until he chooses to poop in the potty, but he will poop in his diaper and then say 'now i want to poop in the potty'. I have explained that you have to go to the potty to poop before the poop comes out, but it seems as though he cannot remember what we've told him.
- He really gets a kick out of hasseling and bothering others. For example, he will say: " Mama, i want pancakes for breakfast" and I will fix them and then as soon as theyre sat infront of him, he will so " No, I want oatmeal now " or something else. He does this with MANY other things and has done this since he was about 2 1/2 or sooner. We have to ignore his second request after explaining why. If we didnt ignore this, he would run us all day.
- He gets many hugs and kisses and is given many activites thoughout the day, though he does have a hard time finishing what he asked to do most of the time, which can make things very difficult.
- He has a stabel and loving home life. We are all active in his life. I stay at home him so he gets plenty of attention and stimulation.
- We have a set scedule for bedtime, bathtime and those kind of things.
We really dont go to the ped because we dont vax and they like to try to talk us into it, not to mention we use natural healing methods at home and only go to the ped if its something that we cannot deal with here. But I have asked the ped about this behaviour and he thinks that is ODD and has even suggested meds, but im not sure how I feel about that. He seems so young for that, not to mention, I dont want to medicate unless i really really have to do so.
I would also like to add that DD has many issues herself such as AS, ODD, OCD, so I have expeirenced pretty severe tantrums with her when she was about. his age, but hers NEVER reached the level that DS does and this troubles me. DD is on medication: 1mg Risperidone every 6 hours. This has done a world of good for her and has helped her greatly.
We have tried to teach DS anger calming techniques that he can use himself, such as the 'turtle' method- but he doesnt apply any of them. We have read books together about anger and how its natural and everyone gets angry, but it doesnt seem to help. I also ALWAYS make sure to validate his anger during his tantrums. I hold him close ( as close as he'll let me without slapping me ) and tell him that is OK and thats he's safe. I always let him know that I understand that he's angry and thats OK. But nothing seems to help and this week has just beed ROUGH and we're not sure what to do.
Also, he isnt given sugary drinks or candies or anything like that except for reward and even then he gets a small candy such as a Kiss. We've tried an elimination diet and it didnt seem to be anything that he was eating/drinking that was causing the problems.
Im sure that theres plenty that Ive forgotten to add here, so if you have any questions please ask me.
So what do you think? Is this normal for his age, or should we have him tested for LD or something else? Everything he does just seems so extreem. I have tried many times to figure out why he is so angry, but I cant think of anything. And it just seems to be getting worse.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading and for your replies!
Much love to everyone.