~*~*~*~ Weekly Supportive Chat March 25 - 31 ~*~*~*~ - Page 3 « Back to Group Discussions

[rozziemama]

Linnie this is beautiful... and you've made me cry :) 

I am having very similar and intense thoughts right now about DH and DS. Most of my emotional energy and weepiness (is this even a word?) is focused on DS, who at 3 1/2 seems to really get that something big is coming our way - and he is very emotional himself. Excited for the baby. Excited to be a big brother (he says "I already am a big brother!")... but also hugging me constantly, and telling me he loves me - he says "mommy I love you to the moon and back and moon and back and moon and back." (from the book, yes)

He is being very intense! And almost always makes me cry. I feel like I miss him. Like I'm clinging to him as a baby. But also I admire him right now so much, and see how big he's grown and how much he suddenly understands and knows. It's amazing.

But it's so hard to imagine what our little family of three will be like when we are four... I literally cannot imagine it.

And then, on the earth mama thing - thought you'd all like this one - Sunday DS looked at me and said "Mommy, it's like you have the big earth in your belly" this blew my mind. :)
 

Originally Posted by LinnieThree 

I am starting to get a little weepy about loving my DH (I'm not usually like that with him) and really weepy about loving my kids. I am also getting SUPER paranoid about something happening to DH or the kids. I become a totaly worry wart at this point and it's crazy. DH and I keep laughing when I start to cry because we say that the "yellies" follow the "weepies". I should be yelling and angry in about another week or two- hahahahaha. Life is great right now and I feel beautiful and giant and like a earth mama. At Mass on Sunday, I had my arms around my kids who were leaning on my belly on either side of me and I felt so deeply grounded by my blessed motherhood with my older babies laying on my in utero baby. If someone had glanced at me, I was probably beaming with pride and joy. It was such a cool moment. I am just trying to take it all in. We have worked very hard- financially, emotionally and spiritually for the last 8 years (out of our 12 years together) and everything is coming together now and we are repeating the rewards and nothing can match the feeling of peace that I have.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by mlovesj 

Yesterday we went to a water birth class at our hospital.  Taking the 1 hour class is a prerequisite for being able to deliver in the birthing tub.  It covered all the hospital legalese about what disqualifies a mother (pre-existing conditions, pain control methods, baby's heart rate, etc) and one of them was "Stool in the tub".  Ok, so this is kind of icky to think about:  The nurse leading the class explained that in order to birth in the tub the laboring woman needs to have given herself (or have the hospital administer) an enema.  I totally *get* it, but ewww that was kind of an unpleasant angle of water birth to think about.  Neither poop in the tub nor self-administered enemas in the midst of being in labor are happy thoughts!  lol Are enemas recommended for mamas birthing at home in a tub?  Anyone else ever encountered this? 

Wow.  Talk about backwards.  I didn't know any hospitals still pushed that any more.  That is such an old school belief, with nothing to back it up. 

mlog - honestly, at 31 weeks, I wouldn't worry about not having everything ready yet.  You shouldn't, because then you'll have nothing to do the next few weeks.    Since you really don't want baby arriving before 37 weeks, I'd wait until then to start panicking about not having stuff done.  I'm 31+1 today and looking around at how much I still don't have done.  I have most of the baby blankets washed, but I still have to wash the car seat, and we don't even have anywhere for the baby to sleep at this point. 

[poppyseed2012]

I LOVE this! Babes can be so insightful.
 

Originally Posted by rozziemama 

And then, on the earth mama thing - thought you'd all like this one - Sunday DS looked at me and said "Mommy, it's like you have the big earth in your belly" this blew my mind. :)

I'm also having a hard time imagining a baby in my arms. I said to dh the other night, I don't feel like it's real. It's hard to believe that what's going on inside my womb is going to translate into anything in the outside world... I know I'm anxious and worried that something will go horribly wrong (when does that feeling end?!). But I wish I could find a way to be more at peace during this last month.

[sosurreal09]

Why are you anxious? Is it your first baby?

[poppyseed2012]

Yep, it's my first. And I'm so worried about something going very, very wrong. I have no reason to think it will. So far everything has checked out great! But my mom, who is training to be a doula, asked me a question from her book the other day, "When thinking about labor, what are you most scared of?" I said, "That he'll die." And she said, "Ok... but specifically with labor, what are you least looking forward to?" And I said, "That something will go horribly wrong and he'll die." I think I caught her off guard a bit. But honestly, that's what I'm most scared of. I think I'll talk to the midwives about it tomorrow during my appointment because there has to be ways for me to work through this (likely irrational) fear.
 

Originally Posted by sosurreal09 

Why are you anxious? Is it your first baby?

[Kamiro]

When does that feeling end?

Um. For me, it never has even as my oldest kid is almost 8. I worried SO bad the entire first pregnancy but it ampled up near the end. I felt exactly as you described. I shed silent tears because I was so afraid. I still had a wonderful 9 pound baby at home at the end of 9 1/2 months. LOL

You just learn to deal with it and realize that your imagination is wild and that there are so many good things in store :)

Even with this babe I worry a bit, I do have to say the Hypnobabies has helped me so much in that regard and I just push it away. The whole "bubble of peace" thing works great for things outside of you, but learning to deal with worries inside is a whole 'nother issue. The last birth I attended was a sad event and sometimes my mind will just start playing the 'play' button on the whole event even when I don't want it to. Just like if you read an awful birth story/news story or something else - it sticks in your mind and exaggerates the anxiety you are already naturally feeling.

Learning to deal with it, have faith it will all work out how it should, and just letting go are the only advice I can give with those worries.

I don't know how hypnobabies will be for me during the birth, but I do have to say that getting a hold of the whole anxiety and dealing constructively with those terrible feelings has been invaluable.The track I listen to is called "The Fear Release" track.
 

**Big Hugs** I think during the first pregnancy those feelings are the worst...they've never really went away for me though. Maybe I just am deeply impressed with how precious life is? Thats an awesome attribute for a Mom to have!! Turn it into some thing positive...

Originally Posted by poppyseed2012 

I LOVE this! Babes can be so insightful.
 

I'm also having a hard time imagining a baby in my arms. I said to dh the other night, I don't feel like it's real. It's hard to believe that what's going on inside my womb is going to translate into anything in the outside world... I know I'm anxious and worried that something will go horribly wrong (when does that feeling end?!). But I wish I could find a way to be more at peace during this last month.

[alittlesandy]

Originally Posted by poppyseed2012 

I'm also having a hard time imagining a baby in my arms. I said to dh the other night, I don't feel like it's real. It's hard to believe that what's going on inside my womb is going to translate into anything in the outside world... I know I'm anxious and worried that something will go horribly wrong (when does that feeling end?!). But I wish I could find a way to be more at peace during this last month.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel this way. I had SUCH a hard time picturing DS before he was born. Now it seems like he has always been here. I'm having the same problem with this baby. I am utterly convinced that something is going to happen, because I can't wrap my head around another baby.

I asked a friend of mine when she stopped feeling anxious (her kids are grown). She says she still wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night and wonders where they are and what they are doing, lol.

[Kamiro]

Also Poppy, I am not a big one for 'take a pill and it will all go away' BUT - I noticed that when I added a SUPER B COMPLEX vitamin to my prenatal within about a week a lot of my anxieties and fears lessened a LOT. I don't want to overwhelm you with my anecdotal experience, but I think not having good B vitamins really amped everything up and set me up for some bad Post partum blues because I had gotten in the habit of thinking negatively. I hope that makes sense. It really might be worth it to check your supplements and adjust as you hit the end.

[Just1More]

I totally agree with the B viatmins thing.  That and iron make a huge difference for me.  And fish oil, too, when I remember to take it.  Oh, and keeping my sugar levels constant.  I tend to go low and then get worked up over everything.  I mentally go through family members, sure we are all going to die of something.  Then I eat a PBJ and suddenly can't remember what I was so worried about.  Bizarre.

Also, at this point in pg, I always am suddenly way disconnected from the baby and worried about it a lot.  It's like it's so close now, and I'm afraid to bond lest it all be lost.  But, love grows and multiplies, so I just tell myself to throw myself in there and do it.  I wish I could be naive about all the "what if's", but I'm not, and my lack of innocence makes it hard to be happy go lucky until the baby is here and I'm sure they are okay.  I know that as labor gets closer, the feeling abates a bit, and after the baby comes I feel so much better.  In labor, I can't think about it because I have to concentrate, lol.  I guess what I'm trying to say is to convince yourself to "love anyway", and trust that in the moment, you won't have time for those thoughts.  When you are holding your perfect baby, you can sort them out then...if you can remember them. :) 

Originally Posted by Onemoreontheway 

Also Poppy, I am not a big one for 'take a pill and it will all go away' BUT - I noticed that when I added a SUPER B COMPLEX vitamin to my prenatal within about a week a lot of my anxieties and fears lessened a LOT. I don't want to overwhelm you with my anecdotal experience, but I think not having good B vitamins really amped everything up and set me up for some bad Post partum blues because I had gotten in the habit of thinking negatively. I hope that makes sense. It really might be worth it to check your supplements and adjust as you hit the end.

[LinnieThree]

It has never gone away for me either. I have horrible and morbid thoughts about my kids that I have to work through on a regular basis. I am alone a lot with them because of DH's schedule as a Police Officer so as I am crawling into bed alone, I think about all the horrible things that could happen and that I would be alone dealing with it. They hand you a healthy baby at the hospital and those worries about having a healthy baby are quickly replaced by a brand new set of fears and those fears keep morphing etc. I am so not trying to be a debbie downer here and I think that its just part of motherhood. I have been working on being thankful in the moment and you will have some big scares with your kids but every time you get through one of those, you learn a new coping mechanism. You will also learn that toddlers and preschool aged kids pick up on your worries really quickly and that you don't want to make them into little worry warts so that helps me focus on the positive too. Actually, I also believe that to be true of newborns and infants. They really do pick up on the stresses of the mother. It does get better and way more manageable but it will never go away. I lean on my DH to calm my worries a bit. He is much more practical and he helps ground me. My mother has also said that she still worries all the time about her three kids and now she has the added worry of the grandkids- my mom likes being a "one upper". Of course, she has MORE reasons to worry then I do *eye roll*.  I grew up with a mother that constantly fretted and that's natural for me but I don't want to pass that along to my kids so I am getting tougher! I totally feel your pain Poppy- ((hugs))!!!

[poppyseed2012]

Oh my gosh, you ladies are so wonderful! I will definitely add B vitamin to the daily regimen of fish oil and D3.

Linnie, I love that your mom gets to be a "one upper" even when it comes to stressing out!

It really does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one who struggles with morbid thoughts. Thanks!

[cristeen]

Poppy - I wish I had something reassuring to offer, but like the pps have said, it may not go away.  My story's a little different because I've already lost one, but I was so scared of a repeat when I was pg with DS, and I let it interfere with bonding both before and after he arrived.  It wasn't until I had a cathartic experience right around his 2nd birthday that I was able to let go of the bulk of that fear, and feel like I was able to really start loving him without that fear getting in the way.  I will always have that little bit of me that's afraid something's going to happen - that's just being a mom.  But I don't have that intense fear anymore, and thankfully I haven't let fear interfere with bonding this time around. You need to find whatever way you can to deal with it, and for me a big part of it was being able to express that fear without fear of being judged.  And then being told that the fear is normal but that I can't let it rule my life.  HTH

[JynxGirl]

Originally Posted by polishprinsezz 

the three primary colors are red. yellow and blue. this is because you cant achieve these colors by mixing other colors such as red and yellow = orange(secondary color) yellow and blue

= green (also secondary) red and blue = purple (secondary) there you have the basic colors of the rainbow. now yow should stump him with having him name the complementary color pairs.

( red/green  purple/yellow  blue/orange)

You're saying everything I'VE been saying as a former art student!!! Trouble is, the internet disagrees. Apparently it depends on what context you're talking about... *argh!*

My husband is neither a good winner or loser... he handles both incredibly poorly.

LOL Why do I now imagine this fight occuring in dozens of households around the globe thanks to me. :P

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by JynxGirl 

You're saying everything I'VE been saying as a former art student!!! Trouble is, the internet disagrees. Apparently it depends on what context you're talking about... *argh!*

My husband is neither a good winner or loser... he handles both incredibly poorly.

LOL Why do I now imagine this fight occuring in dozens of households around the globe thanks to me. :P

That's crazy.  Green is NOT a primary color.

SO and I had a discussion last week about black and white.  He insisted that they're colors.  I tried explaining it to him but it was hopeless.

There are conflicting answers on this topic too.  It just depends who you ask.  This is an interesting website:  http://www.colormatters.com/color-and-design/are-black-and-white-colors

[rozziemama]

Oh Poppy. You are so not alone.  Being a mommy is so hard.

I am hoping that with this second baby my kind of more "normal" mommy anxieties will subside - but this pregnancy i have been SO anxious. It's awful. Much more anxious than with DS. it's almost the opposite from what Cristeen wrote for me - like, having a healthy baby once means it will be less likely I'll have another one (how's that for crazy? good thing I am already in therapy).

However, I have also noticed a subtly improved anxiety level when I remember my prenatal that has a healthy dose of B's and my Omegas. Interesting to see it written here - it has been something I've wondered (if there is a pattern to my vitamins helping my mood/anxiety level) but now I think it's confirmed by you all!

Also, as my wonderful, amazing therapist has pointed out - I tend to have baby related anxiety when other things are stressing me out - almost like an obsessive thing. For example, if work is insane and I feel like I can't get on top of it, I start to stress out about the damn short femur (soft marker for Downs that they noted at 18 weeks) -- which turned out to be nothing (now baby has a long femur. WTF) -- so rationally, I know that soft marker was nothing -- but irrationally I'm stressed out so I start worrying - like, REALLY REALLY worrying, to the point of tears - that the baby has Downs. It's been interesting to pay attention to that pattern, even though it doesn't really help that much - because I've not been doing enough of my coping techniques to handle the stress (non pregnant I run and have a very regular yoga practice)...

Anyway, we are all here for you to vent or rant or worry or do what you need to get it off your chest if it helps.
 

Originally Posted by poppyseed2012 

Oh my gosh, you ladies are so wonderful! I will definitely add B vitamin to the daily regimen of fish oil and D3.

Linnie, I love that your mom gets to be a "one upper" even when it comes to stressing out!

It really does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one who struggles with morbid thoughts. Thanks!

[shastalily]

Add me to the worry wart mommy list.  It's hard for me to bond with baby as much as I would like until after baby is born and I know he is healthy and ok.  Once I hold them in my arms that melts away.  I still worry about other things, but I feel more bonded as soon as I smell their baby smell and touch their soft skin.  It's hard to believe that is only a few weeks away now!

Today I went to the Eye Surgeon about a small bump on my eyelid.  Turns out I need a minor surgery to remove it since it could be pre-cancerous.  It will have to be done at a surgical center and I will be put under.  I'm going to wait until the baby is about 2-2 1/2 months old, in July.  I hope this isn't too crazy to try to do.  The Dr. said to have enough milk pumped to give baby for about 24 hours because I will want to pump and dump my milk for that long to get the anesthesia out of my system.  Has anyone had to do something similar?  I'm guessing by 2 mo. old baby will be ok to have a bottle.  How old do they need to be before introducing one b/c I would want to make sure he would take it before the surgery.  (My other kids I ended up exclusively pumping for b/c of Reynaud's and I'm hoping with a new treatment I can breastfeed for the first time for the first year.)

[JynxGirl]

I am definitely a worry wart momma as well.

Sometimes I worry that I don't worry enough! (How messed up is that???)

I know that we've talked about it before, but one of the things that does help is to give yourself permission to worry or stress or be scared for a certain amount of time each day (like 15 minutes) and then, if you're not actually looking for a solution, do your very best to push it out of your head.

Because, as people keep reminding me, there are some things in life we just can not control or fix before they happen.

***hugs*** to all the worrying mommas.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by shastalily 

The Dr. said to have enough milk pumped to give baby for about 24 hours because I will want to pump and dump my milk for that long to get the anesthesia out of my system.  Has anyone had to do something similar?  I'm guessing by 2 mo. old baby will be ok to have a bottle.  How old do they need to be before introducing one b/c I would want to make sure he would take it before the surgery.  (My other kids I ended up exclusively pumping for b/c of Reynaud's and I'm hoping with a new treatment I can breastfeed for the first time for the first year.)

Typically you want babe to be 6 weeks before introducing the bottle.  That allows your supply to be well established, and babe to know what they're doing first. 

I would ask for specifics on what drugs they're intending to give you to knock you out, and then go over to the BFing forum and ask about alternatives.  Pumping and dumping is not ideal if there might be alternative drugs that could be used just as effectively that are safe for BFing. 

[sosurreal09]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Poppy - I wish I had something reassuring to offer, but like the pps have said, it may not go away.  My story's a little different because I've already lost one, but I was so scared of a repeat when I was pg with DS, and I let it interfere with bonding both before and after he arrived.  It wasn't until I had a cathartic experience right around his 2nd birthday that I was able to let go of the bulk of that fear, and feel like I was able to really start loving him without that fear getting in the way.  I will always have that little bit of me that's afraid something's going to happen - that's just being a mom.  But I don't have that intense fear anymore, and thankfully I haven't let fear interfere with bonding this time around. You need to find whatever way you can to deal with it, and for me a big part of it was being able to express that fear without fear of being judged.  And then being told that the fear is normal but that I can't let it rule my life.  HTH

So sorry for your loss.

[lightheartedmom]

Originally Posted by LinnieThree 



Thoughts: I am overwhelmed with how much goodness is coming our way. Another beautiful child and a new home to raise our family in. Super stressful but GOOD stress and I am so excited. I am starting to get a little weepy about loving my DH (I'm not usually like that with him) and really weepy about loving my kids. I am also getting SUPER paranoid about something happening to DH or the kids. I become a totaly worry wart at this point and it's crazy. DH and I keep laughing when I start to cry because we say that the "yellies" follow the "weepies". I should be yelling and angry in about another week or two- hahahahaha. Life is great right now and I feel beautiful and giant and like a earth mama. At Mass on Sunday, I had my arms around my kids who were leaning on my belly on either side of me and I felt so deeply grounded by my blessed motherhood with my older babies laying on my in utero baby. If someone had glanced at me, I was probably beaming with pride and joy. It was such a cool moment. I am just trying to take it all in. We have worked very hard- financially, emotionally and spiritually for the last 8 years (out of our 12 years together) and everything is coming together now and we are repeating the rewards and nothing can match the feeling of peace that I have.

Linnie - this is so sweet. I have been having a lot of these feelings too. I was driving around the other day with my two girls in the back seat and I just felt this rush of something...an embarrassment of riches maybe? Goodness knows I've had some really crappy days lately...impatient, tired, short with the kids, sniping at DH...oh...and pardon me while I go clean up the glass DD2 just broke in the bathroom (life is sweet, right?)...but seriously, my outlook on life has been so amazingly improved this pregnancy. I totally get that glowing "beautiful giant earth mama" feeling. And I love it! I hope it stays on past the birth of this baby!
I just loved what you wrote and the way you put it...and I'm so happy you're experiencing those emotions. :-) And congratulations on the new home! I'm hoping our family will be going down that road soon.

Originally Posted by poppyseed2012 


It really does make me feel better to know I'm not the only one who struggles with morbid thoughts. Thanks!

You're definitely not alone...Mine are little still and I cannot help but lie awake some nights trying *not* to follow the dark thoughts down very dark and scary paths. I was thinking the other day about taking the kids to the beach (just a theoretical, it's been pouring rain here for awhile) and then I started to think about all the awful things that could go wrong on a family outing to the beach....I don't think that tendency to worry every goes away. These little people walk around literally with our hearts in their pockets and it's hard not to worry about the scary "what ifs." This pregnancy has been a little bit better for me in terms of worrying, but I have made a conscious choice to not indulge my fears. When I feel them coming on, I have to just acknowledge them and let them pass without entertaining them or giving them time to grow and develop in my head. It's one of the main reasons why I opted out of all the testing and ultrasounds (we have yet to see this baby on screen yet!) - I felt like the only motivation for me to do them was based out of fear and for me personally, I just wanted to not give in to that. I don't think that's true for everyone, but for me, it seemed like an important step to take this time around and I have definitely found peace in just trusting that all will be well with this pregnancy and this baby. And if, come D-day, we find there may be problems, we'll deal with them as they come (and my friends can all chide me for thinking ignorance is bliss).

I think part of motherhood is finding some way to strike a balance between recognizing and deal with our worries (and taking whatever reasonable steps we can to protect our little ones, whenever we can)...and realizing that there will always be things that are so far outside our scope of control that worrying about them only brings us grief and distracts us from enjoying our children. I never want me fear of what might happen to get in the way of enjoying my kids right here and now...and that means some nights I have to tell my worrying brain to shut up and let me get some sleep because tomorrow we're going to the playground to build sandcastles.