Having babies close together? « Back to Group Discussions

[SouthernStormy]

DH is trying to talk me in to it. I was planning on waiting until november to start trying So they would be at least two years apart (plus I would prefer to be my most pregnant during the summer like I was with Magnolia), but DH would like to start trying now.

Pros/cons on having two close together would be appreciated. The main thing I'm worried about is my weight - I was right at average size before I got pregnant, gained 35 lbs with Magnolia and only lost 13 of it. . For some reason I can't seem to drop the weight. DH says dont worry about it and I can drop the weight after Baby #2, but I'm not sure I want to get pregnant again before ive gotten my body at least sort of back to normal.

[earth-mama]

Mine are 2.5 years apart. We started trying as soon as my cycles came back and got pregnant on the 5th cycle. By the time we started trying I was below my pre-preg weight and generally felt good about my body. I think there are benefits and disadvantages to having babies close in age. I am leaning towards having one more and would welcome another. But, I don't really expect to be fertile again until at least a year PP (it was like 17 months PP w/DD), but you never know. I think that if you feel like your body needs a bit more recovery time that you should give yourself the time you need. Waiting till november really isn't that long :-)

[elevena true]

i had mine at 3 years, 3 months apart, did a surrogacy and birthed 2 years, 2 months apart, and had my third at 4 years 2 months apart, 2 years (almost to the day) from birthing surro baby. for me, having that time to break into parenting my new brood each time made a world of difference. i would not have wanted toddlers and babies at the same time. with surro baby n, i was delighted to be able to birth a baby but not have a freshly 2 year old at the same time as a newborn. i think it's the who that recommends at least 2 years between pregnancy and subsequent birth, for ample healing time for mama.

stormy, i would say stick to your intuition on when you plan your next baby. there is scar healing to think of too, and i know your next birth will be beautiful and amazing. i hope it's okay to say that. something else i think of when i hear you considering your next babe is that if mags may even want to nurse alongside her little brother or sister. i wish i would've been less self conscious about re-initiating nursing with my eldest, who very much wanted to, when i was pregnant with my dd2. i look back at times and wonder if it would have made my nursing dd2 easier? surely it would've boosted my supply.....

     in any case, you certainly have time if you do want to wait to try for number 2.

[Italiamom]

One thing to consider would be your BF relationship with Maggs... A lot of women experience a dramatic drop in supply when they become pregnant, a drop that isn't remedied by herbs. I would say that it is prudent to wait until you aren't the major food source, otherwise you may find yourself in a place where you are either pushing solids before baby is ready to have them as the primary nutrition source, or having to supplement with formula.

Listen to YOUR timeline. I had wanted to wait an extra 6 months to a year, but DH had been begging for months when I relented. I told myself, "it's only 6 months difference..." But oh, what a difference 6 months can make! I luuuuurv my sweet little gal, but I'm pretty sure that she (and her older brother) would have been happier if I'd listened to my mama intuition and waited the 6 months.

That said, if in your heart you'd like to be preggo again, then ignore the naysayers. I know one woman whose babies are 13 months apart who has been quite content with the situation. Just listen to yourself!!

[Beckily]

you need time to heal, especially post section. i wouldn't do less than 2 years between pregnancies unless there was an accident.

here if you want a vbac, they really want 18m between and more is better.

personally i don't want two in diapers.

[Baby_Cakes]

Mine are just about 3 years apart.  I'm glad we have that gap.  

Some pros:

- only one in diapers

- DD is fairly independent, can help with the baby (entertain him, bring me clothes, diapers, can watch him while I shower, cook, etc)

- I can explain to her and she understands that she may have to wait now and then for me to play/put her to bed/get her a snack b/c the baby is fussing/eating/napping.

Some cons:

- since she was already potty trained when he was born, she regressed.  It was very frustrating for me.

- since she was already in her own bed and STTN when he was born, she regressed, lol and ended up back with me for awhile, and even now 7 months later still wakes at night sometimes.  Was/Is frustrating.

- She's wants to play, read, etc -- do older kid things, and I feel like having a small baby takes away from my ability to do Big Kid things with her when she wants them.  I feel guilty sometimes b/c I worry she has to give up too much for the baby.

Another thing too is that despite the fact that she is 3 years older, she's still a baby in her own right and I fail to see that a lot of the time.  I feel like she's "SO MUCH OLDER" and I don't give her enough credit for being as young as she is.  So those waters can be tricky to navigate.

I too think that since you had a section, your body and mind need more time to heal.  I hope it's not too forward to say that, but I know you had a rough time of it and I wouldn't want you to feel hurt again.

[SouthernStormy]

Thanks for the different perspectives. I talked to DH tonight After I had more time to think, and he is okay with waiting until November or later to try. I would live another baby soon, but I would never be happy putting more weight on top of the extra I'm already carrying around. And I do want a vbac, so more time to heal will be good too.

dH is nervous that he's going to end up missing the pregnancy or the majority of the baby's first year like he has Magnolia's. But it seems like no matter when we plan baby #2 for, he is going to miss something major

[Lynann]

I know I'm late to the conversation but I thought you might like another perspective, from someone who does have 2 close together and a c/s with the first.

I still had some of my baby weight from DS1 when I got pregnant with DS2, but I gained a lot less weight 2nd time around and lost all of that weight plus the weight from DS1 in the first few months postpartum. I also had an amazing HBAC. Labor and birth was a completely different experience second time around, and some of that may be due to having them close together.

Even though DS1 was only 15 months when DS2 was born it has not been as difficult as I thought it would be. They are already so close as brothers. I do like the fact that DS1 is not going to ever remember being an only child, that he is only ever going to remember being a brother. They are already starting to play together some now that DS2 sits on the floor. DS1 is still young enough that he wants to play with his baby brother. They will also takes naps together some days, other days they tag team naps.

I've had a great experience of having 2 close together, even with the c/s delivery of my first. However I know that I am probably not typical. I think the important thing is to listen to your own body. You will know when you are ready.