Hey lactatinggirl! So sorry you are going through this.
I have been in counseling for a long time with depression. I never wanted to take medication (I don't even like taking tylenol) so I've struggled with mild depression all my life. My counselor was concerned that I would get PPD because I already had depression and she was right. At first it was crying when I was trying to get into the shower because I was in pain and needed help (but maybe that was normal) but then it escalated to thinking that my daughter would be better without me and thinking about leaving my family, though I wouldn't have gone through with it.
DD had trouble nursing in the beginning and ended up not getting enough to eat and consequently sleeping a lot which cycled back to not eating enough. I was unable to see that she needed help and was just focusing on the fact that I couldn't feed my child and how that made me a failure. Thank god my husband had the sound mind to insist we call the pediatrician. Everything got better as far as her weight gain and health from there but I was still struggling.
Like I said, I felt like she would be better off without me. I also didn't feel very happy being around her and preferred pumping to BFing her (which seems insane now because pumping is such a hassle). Basically I wasn't bonding with her as well as I should have.
Then one day I was feeling so depressed that I couldn't get myself out of bed to feed my screaming daughter even with my husband begging me to, I realized I needed help so I reluctantly decided to go on zoloft. It was like a miracle. I now feel happier and less overwhelmed but more importantly I feel much closer to my dd and can't imagine leaving her (and actually choose to take her with me places even when she could stay home with dad)
I know my situation is a bit different than yours since I've actually struggled with depression my whole life and not just PPD and I also don't mean to say you (or anyone) should go on meds, but I wanted to share my story so you know that you aren't alone. sometimes it's hard to see how bad things really are until you aren't feeling that way anymore, which is why depression and PPD are so difficult.
I hope things get better for you. It's great that you are seeing a therapist. Counseling is a great tool for depression and can still be helpful with the life transition of having a new baby even if you dont have PPD.