6mo refuses to make eye contact with me.

[branditopolis]

I don't know if this is the right place for this, but it's something that has been bothering me the last month.  I don't know if DS is even old enough to have these sorts of feelings, but this happens every day and I don't know what to do. 

The first thing is, DS will not make eye contact for me.  Everyone who has seen it thinks it's a little bizarre, but when I pick him up from the baby sitter's in the morning (I work overnight) my tiny infant acts like he hates me.  He tries so hard not to look at me so much that he will resort to trying to roll his eyes to look at the ceiling instead of my face.  He will not smile, he will not acknowledge me kissing his cheeks... I try to turn him so that he'll look at me and he'll turn his head away.  He will wip his head, close his eyes... he just wont look at me.  Occaisionally I've gotten there before he wakes and maybe half of those times this didn't happen... but every other time he just refuses to acknowledge my presence.  He'll even look at the baby sitter or anyone else but me. 
I don't know what's going on, why is he doing this? I feel like I'm whining, but it really hurts my feelings! And it's not something I'm making up, a lot of people have noticed it and thought it was a little weird.  He's only six months old.

[ZippyGirl]

  Does he only do this when you pick him up from the sitter?  My personal feeling is that it is just intense for him to see you, and maybe he needs a gentle transition to waking and being back with you.  My little one will turn away from me when he's feeling like it's just too overwhelming to interact with me.  Have you tried a mellow greeting?

[element2012]

Is this only when he is just waking up?  It might just be too much stimulation at that time, give him a few quiet minutes to himself, maybe talking gently to him until he is fully present and ready to engage. 

[branditopolis]

it's not just when he wakes up, it's whenever I havent seen him for a length of time.  If I drop him off at his gramp's house for a couple hours to run errands and come back, he will not look at me. he'll even look at them, but not me. 

[cat13]

I have something similar with my 7 1/2 month old. When he's upset or just waking up (except first thing in the morning when he happy) he just wants to be held and zone out. DH and I call him No-Eye-Contact-Baby when he does this :). Usually once his mood shifts, then he's back to normal.

Is this new? 6 months is when separation anxiety starts to ramp up. Kellymom has some great resources for helping with separation anxiety.

[foreverinbluejeans]

I think of parenting as a bag of skills and you use what may work for the situation. What he is doing could be devistating for your relationship. If he won't look at you then use the parenting skill, change the situation. Don't look at him. Hold him so his face is the other way. Don't reject him but don't try to get eye contact with him. Don't let him hurt you. Put him in the car seat and you can't see him.

When you get home try to reconnect with him. Play some nature sounds for him, you can find some on youtube. He may like other music. My grandson liked soft rock as a baby. Sit with him on your lap but face him away from you if he is still not having eye contact. If he doesn't like music he may like a massage or something else to make the transition back to you.

My grandson did the not looking at you as a baby. He is 3 now and strong willed. When he doesn't want to do something I want to do he will turn around and stomp off. His mother is a photographer and he doesn't like getting his picture taken. If I try to take his picture when we go somewhere he turns around and stomps off. I have all these great pictures of his back. I'm going to make a poster of them and give it to him on his 16th birthday.

[McGucks]

Originally Posted by ZippyGirl 

My personal feeling is that it is just intense for him to see you, and maybe he needs a gentle transition to waking and being back with you. 

I agree with the above.

Don't feel like you're whining...it would hurt my feelings, too!

Does your child ever make eye contact with you?  If not, it wouldn't hurt to ask your HCP if any vision issues are possible.  There are some visual conditions that are evidenced by the person only being able to see their target when looking to the side.  I can't remember the name of that condition and am not trying to scare you, but I don't think it would hurt to bring it up with a HCP.
 

[branditopolis]

I think this is it.   The last week or two he's also been screaming bloody murder if i'm out of his sight.  I dropped him off with my mom a couple of hours ago and he did it again.  He doesn't cry that i'm leaving if there are others around, but he won't look at me.  If no one is around and he wakes up by himself he does it.  Poor guy.  I'm definitely going to check out that link, thanks!
 

Originally Posted by cat13 

I have something similar with my 7 1/2 month old. When he's upset or just waking up (except first thing in the morning when he happy) he just wants to be held and zone out. DH and I call him No-Eye-Contact-Baby when he does this :). Usually once his mood shifts, then he's back to normal.

Is this new? 6 months is when separation anxiety starts to ramp up. Kellymom has some great resources for helping with separation anxiety.