I would not tell the parents myself because my daughter goes to a fairly large school but in a fairly tight community where we are the new people. If the parents are going to be difficult and confrontational , I would not want it coming back to me. Teachers are required to be very careful about protecting privacy, so I would start there. Today. I would repeat what my daughter had told me, tell the teacher we want to be left out of it, and let her report. I am fairly certain that if you tell the teacher that your daughter told you, she will be required to report AND keep your daughter out of it.
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Something dd just told me - Page 2post #22 of 353/29/12 at 10:35amThread Starter
Ok, I've left a voice mail for one of the guidance counselors to call me back. I'm hoping to hear from her by the end of the day. Tomorrow is not a school day (though maybe they'll be there on a professional day???). I hadn't thought of talking to the teacher, but maybe that's what I should do Mon morning if I haven't heard back from the guidance counselor yet?
Thanks for helping put in words my thoughts about talking directly to her mom. I definitely was feeling uneasy about dealing with the parents' reaction and somehow having backlash on my dd or myself.
I feel so worried for the girl, her sister, and the little boy.... :(post #23 of 353/29/12 at 7:16pm
I would put in calls to multiple people and let them know you consider it urgent. If this girl (and possibly others) is being abused it could be happening at any time, including the time between now and when you speak to someone. Preventing one episode of abuse is worth the inconvenience of someone returning your call over the weekend.post #24 of 354/1/12 at 5:28pmpost #25 of 354/2/12 at 3:15ampost #26 of 354/2/12 at 5:03amI wouldn't get the family involved because if it is happening within the family, it puts her in a terrible position. Depending on the dynamics of the family, it could cause her to be afraid to report it, or it could cause her to be retaliated against if she does report it, or who knows. I think I'd go to someone at the school for sure.post #27 of 354/2/12 at 9:02ampost #28 of 354/4/12 at 12:12pm
For everyone saying you'd want to know if you were the mom, I totally understand that, but I'm guessing you're also saying that because in your own cases, you know YOU as the mom would not be the perpetrator.
Unfortunately in OPs case, she doesn't know who - if anyone - is doing something in appropriate. In so many families with sexual abuse going on, a non-perpetrating parent already knows about the abuse and is in denial or actively hiding it.
Let me be clear, I'm not jumping to the conclusion that actual abuse is happening here - maybe it is just child experimentation. But IF this child knows the words and the actions because she's been exposed to inappropriate influences, OP doesn't know who is involved, who knows... and so I agree with everyone who's already said go to a school staff (I think the social worker or psychologist, but as long as OP goes to someone at the school who is a mandated reporter then she's taking a good step).
OP has already said that telling the mom makes her uncomfortable, and if it's a choice between telling someone at the school or not acting at all because talking to the mom is too hard, I absolutely hope OP will talk to the school. But on top of OPs discomfort of talking to the mom, I also think that is not a wise choice because as others have pointed out, it could put the child in immediate danger if mom is involved or even if she's not and she tells someone who's hurting her, it could have bad impact.
OP please let us know if you've spoken to either the teacher or another staff at the school, and what they said. Best of luck!!!post #29 of 354/15/12 at 10:32ampost #30 of 354/16/12 at 8:21ampost #31 of 354/16/12 at 7:31pmpost #32 of 354/16/12 at 8:48pm
I'm wondering what has happened. But I suppose we probably won't ever really know what was going on with these kids. When I was between 4 and 6, I was spending time with kids who were doing similar, maybe the same. We all definitely knew what oral sex was and all about intercourse. I wasn't molested, but it's certainly possible that one of the kids was. I don't think this means that she or the boy has necessarily been molested. They may be getting information from other kids.
Someone said that that was much too young to know about oral sex. I'm wondering if that's the consensus here. I would have thought that a lot of kids would know the basics by that age.post #33 of 354/16/12 at 8:56pmQuote:
I'd have to agree with PP. I think that's unusually young to know about oral sex. As a child I certainly did not at that age and I was the youngest of 8 rowdy kids. What a relief nobody filled me in! My older dd was not aware of oral sex at that age either. Probably not until ten or so.post #34 of 354/17/12 at 12:15pmQuote:Originally Posted by Buzzer Beater
I'd have to agree with PP. I think that's unusually young to know about oral sex. As a child I certainly did not at that age and I was the youngest of 8 rowdy kids. What a relief nobody filled me in! My older dd was not aware of oral sex at that age either. Probably not until ten or so.
I didn't know what it was until high school.post #35 of 354/17/12 at 2:47pm
I for sure didn't know about oral sex until I was pubescent; I'm sure my 6 and 9 yo kids don't know much beyond the idea that grownups enjoy sex (which they are skeptical of lol), and kissing and hugging feel nice. They have a handle on the mechanics, but think of sex as what you do to have a baby. I remember when I was in Gr 5 one of my friends smuggled some of his dad's stash of S&M porn; we were just confused by it. No one of the 6 or so kids I remember examining the stuff had a clue what they were doing or why, whether it was the whips and chains or cum shots or more conventional but not baby making specific stuff.
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