I would appreciate any thoughts on this. Please be kind. I feel like a horrid parent and don't know what to do anymore.
DD1 is 9 1/2 and has always been difficult. For so many years I just thought she was tough, then I thought she had coping problems because of divorce, then I thought she was just difficult again. She has been in therapy for 3 years but mostly refuses to talk about anything serious. Over the past 6 months things have gotten worse and worse to where she is getting impossible to live with. I finally took her to get a psych evaluation because of what I felt was extreme anxiety and OCD symptoms.
She was diagnosed with GAD, which does feel right to me as she is definitely suffering greatly from anxiety. Because of the intensity of the situation and her history of being resistant to talking and other techniques, we decided to try meds prior to starting CBT. Five days ago we started Prozac; I am going to call the dr. with some feelings she has expressed of wanting to be violent.
There are lots of strange and disturbing behaviors, however, that I'm not sure are explained by anxiety. I have started wondering if there is any chance she is on the autism spectrum. I don't really know much about asd so I'm not sure where I'm getting this thought.
Some of the behaviors that cause me to wonder:
Her father (divorced) has Aspergers, but I have never thought she had this because she is very empathetic, to the point of being hypersensitive to the facial expressions of others, sometimes gets teased for not being able to take things lightly or as jokes, and for not "getting" things. On the other hand, she has always been highly verbal and I think gifted in some of her higher thinking.
She is very literal and has trouble with figurative language.
She is weird about wanting verbal accuracy and constantly corrects my little verbal errors especially when they are not part of the main point of the sentence (like I mispronounce a word and she stops the story to correct it even though everyone else knows what it is from context).
obsessive interest in specific items or information, logistics, knowing the schedule and gets stressed out when things are changed
has a lot of OCD type symptoms like having things match up number wise, having items lined up
worrying about doing things wrong or breaking rules that are not real rules or are only guidelines, like arriving early, or going out the in door.
weirdly attached/obsessed with both me and her 20 mo old sister, constantly invasive of personal space
extreme reactions to physical discomfort, constantly is hurt, like everything that touches her seems to cause pain and she screams like an arm is getting cut off.
when extremely stressed out, repetitive yelling and/or headbanging/headshaking, extreme temper tantrums, throwing her body around
some of these are probably related to her anxiety (another matter I am not going to describe, but it's excessive) but I am not sure all of these are. These things are making me CRAZY. Like I do not want to be around my child anymore. It has been going on for a long time and getting more and more extreme. I feel angry with her most of the time. I keep trying to be more compassionate but these crazy meltdowns and screaming over stuff that is just nothing are making me want to run away. I only recently wondered if I might find some help on the special needs board. Everyone else outside our family thinks she is normal and has looked at me strangely when I talk about these problems. Only DH is with me on how unbearable this is. She is suffering so much inside, that is why I went for the psych evaluation. I just would appreciate any suggestions or help as I have been failing to be a good parent and I am just desperate.