Considering calling DHS on a friend :( - Page 2

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Tumble Bumbles 

I agree.
 

To me the OP isn't describing a "dirty house". I think, at the very least,  children deserve a bathroom they can get clean and eliminate in safely, a countertop to make a pb&j on without pushing aside animal droppings, and to live in a home that isn't strewn with "beer cans everywhere". Sounds like mental health and possibly substance abuse issues -- and while I don't know as I would call as my first reaction, just by the information the OP's shared, no way I would call this mom a "really good" mom.

It's difficult not to judge when someone (I assume by the info OP has provided)  has been helped time and again by concerned friends and family members, has financial resources and caring people in their life,  and still refuses to care for their children the way they deserve.

I agree.  I know it's easy to see this from the mother's side, but mom needs help.  It sounds like what you hear about on the show Hoarders where they need to have help breaking through that mental barrier in the situation which is probably depression.  They can set her up with that.  What about calling Adult Protective Services to get her the help she needs and the clean up may follow?

And I know that kids love their parents unconditionally, but is it really fair to ask a child to live in filth?  Tumble described it perfectly.  My house isn't spotless but what is being describes is unsanitary and could be bad for the children's long-term health.  Who is the voice of the child here?  How can we expect a child to see their mom as "not doing a good enough job?"  

I've never called CPS on anyone so I am only going on what the OP is saying  
 

[His Own]

Since your friend has a decent household income, might you be able to talk her (or her husband) into hiring someone to come in and clean once a week?  They would then at least have sheets on the beds, clean bathrooms, floors, counters, etc. for part of the week, then again the next week.

Whether she is depressed or not, it is clear that she just cannot deal with cleaning, in which case hiring help would be entirely sensible, not frivolous at all.  If you can convince her to try this, maybe the children can have a house that is at least decent, and in which they can take some pride.  And you could feel that you had accomplished something really good for your friend. 

[Shantimama]

Originally Posted by His Own 

Since your friend has a decent household income, might you be able to talk her (or her husband) into hiring someone to come in and clean once a week?  They would then at least have sheets on the beds, clean bathrooms, floors, counters, etc. for part of the week, then again the next week.

Whether she is depressed or not, it is clear that she just cannot deal with cleaning, in which case hiring help would be entirely sensible, not frivolous at all.  If you can convince her to try this, maybe the children can have a house that is at least decent, and in which they can take some pride.  And you could feel that you had accomplished something really good for your friend. 

If you were to do this, it might be helpful to offer to help her hire someone. Even that much might be beyond her and her husband at this time. If you or another friend could do some pre-screening and help with the interview process and help make sure it happens, it might give them a better chance of success.

[Brees_Mama]

Any update on this?