not totally wild about the neighbor kids

[DeerMother]

Part of me wants my dc, both 4, to make their own decisions about their friends.  But up to now, most of their friends have been my friends' children, and I acknowledge that I want to make decisions for them until they are older.

The oldest neighbor is 6, she's nice, follows her mom's directions, helpful to the kids etc. The son is 5 and pretty wild. He sneaks over when his mom tells him to stay in their yard, won't go back until I tell him 10 times, rides dc's bikes and scooters w/o permission or supervision. He's rough and doesn't go with the rules of the yard - keep sand and dirt in respective area, stop riding equipment when asked etc.

IDK< this is my first neighbor kid situation. I need advice on how to handle neighbors when they're not being nice or blatenly going against parental direction.

[Peony]

Not being nice or not listening to directions means they get sent home. No need to be rude about it. You just say something how today must be a difficult listening day, maybe we can try again another day and firmly send them on their way. I sometimes give a warning about how next time, they need to go home, other times, I just send them off. I spent all day policing my kids, no need to police others as well. 

[DeerMother]

What do I do if they don't go? His mom was in the house. I don't know her name, much less have her phone number.

OW, that makes great sense.

I wrote the op while they were here. It took waaaay too long for them to leave the yard once I told them to go home.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by DeerMother 

What do I do if they don't go? His mom was in the house. I don't know her name, much less have her phone number.

take them by the hand and walk them home, or go knock on the door and get their mother.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by DeerMother 

What do I do if they don't go? His mom was in the house. I don't know her name, much less have her phone number.

Yep, as Linda said. You take them by the hand and you lead them home. This sounds like a kid who needs careful supervision/follow-through. Don't tell him 10 times. Tell him once and lead him home.

Now that he's home, tomorrow, you go introduce yourself to his mom and exchange phone numbers.

Just remember, children do not respond well to subtlety. You need to be clear and specific. And then you need to be firm. I would set up some rules with him the next time he comes over. something along the lines of "Ask before you use something and treat things in our yard carefully. If you can't, you'll need to leave." Then follow through. Kids often appreciate having clear boundaries. You can enforce them cheerfully without yelling at him. "Oops, sorry, you didn't do what I asked. You have to go home. You can try again after lunch/tomorrow."

[ilovemygirl]

Okay, I might just be in a total crap mood today but ....

People really just amaze me sometimes. These are very young kids. Even if you are right on top of each other, how on earth did this mom allow them to wander onto your property and not supervise them when she doesn't even know you???

My advice is to go over there, introduce yourself, get her name and number AND let her know all the things her son has done, that you do not in any way appreciate having to deal with this and

1. You don't want her kids at your house or in your yard or

2. That if her son wants to come over to play SHE will need to supervise him.

I know it's wise to be "neighborly" and all but I truly do not understand why it's considered rude to tell people that you don't want them on your property, especially when they aren't acting appropriately. It's horribly rude of them to have done that in the first place.

On the friend choosing issue, my dd is 4 y/o also. I would never ever allow her to make friends and/or play with kids on a regular basis with kids that I had issues with. Learning to deal with behaviors very different from her own at this age, well really at any age is stressful. Kids have to deal with this enough at school and church and activities and even with extended family. So when I'm at my own home I don't want to add that kind of stress to times we could be enjoying ourselves.

[Caneel]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

Just remember, children do not respond well to subtlety. You need to be clear and specific. And then you need to be firm. I would set up some rules with him the next time he comes over. something along the lines of "Ask before you use something and treat things in our yard carefully. If you can't, you'll need to leave." Then follow through. Kids often appreciate having clear boundaries. You can enforce them cheerfully without yelling at him. "Oops, sorry, you didn't do what I asked. You have to go home. You can try again after lunch/tomorrow."

This was so hard for me to learn, it took me 6 years to be firm without feeling I was being "mean."

[philomom]

Also, you may just need to get a locking shed or something for the cool outdoor toys. And do take it up nicely with his mom... tell her its a liability issue. What if her kid got hurt on your toys while you weren't home?