The Labor Thread « Back to Group Discussions

[Just1More]

Anybody want to hash out labor fears here?  People who'd rather not read can be spared, but anyone who needs to work through stuff can maybe find an outlet.

For me, at this point in pg, I feel like I'd rather be pregnant forever than have to do labor.  It's so silly, because I know it's just one contraction at a time, and it really isn't *that* awful.  There's so much excitement and focus at the time that the perception is so different than right now.  And that, for me, labor doesn't ever feel much worse than having eaten something that didn't agree with me.  Towards the end it's a bit more, maybe, but not of pain per se, more of pressure and urgency.  Or just feeling like it's time to be done or something. 

And, I am really looking forward to the part right as the baby is actually born.  That's such a cool feeling, and the tiny amazingly warm new person is just so...amazing.  And, I love how empty and light I suddenly feel.  I always want to do cartwheels to my bed because I feel so light.  It's all I can do to keep from skipping around the first few days afterwards. 

Anyone else want to share some thoughts and feelings about our upcoming births?

[poppyseed2012]

So 1More, why would you rather be pregnant forever rather than labor right now? The way you describe it makes it sound very manageable! :)

This is my first, so I have no idea what to expect. But at this point I'd give anything to NOT be pregnant! I'm feeling ok about it even though it's the crazy unknown. 

My fears include: huge tears, c-section, other complications. I'm also scared I'm going to have a major meltdown and ask for an epidural.

I'm really looking forward to the feeling of emptiness/lightness that you describe!

[Just1More]

I know.  It's weird.  I think it's because I feel tired, so I don't want to put out the effort to labor.  By the end, I'm so ready for the rest, that I'll do anything to get the baby out.

With the first baby, the unknowns are hard.  What will it feel like?  Will I tear?  Will I wind up with a section?  Etc.  My second still included lots of those feelings because my first was at a not so natural hospital, and my second was very natural and hands-off.  My third and fourth haven't scared me in those ways because I just am not going to tear or have a section.  I'm just not.  I do, for the sake of reality, know that maybe I will, and maybe it will be one of those really horrible stories, but if that happens, then we'll take it one minute at a time, just like contractions...one at a time.

[Astraia]

I was scared with my first. I'd put so much planning, preparation, positve self-talk into the pregnancy and I was so scared it was going to backfire in the end (especially since *everyone* kept telling me you can't predict birth, better to go into it with an open mind, blah blah blah). I read articles on preventing tearing (have your OWN HANDS down there during crowning, for example), how to "breathe" your baby out instead of pushing, etc, so I had this perfect mental picture of that. In the end, it didn't go that way due to pushy midwives, but it was still wonderful in the end. I remember having a fabulous talk with a friend, completely unexpectedly when we bumped into each other on the street, about a week before my due date and she just kept talking about how life-changing it is, and how I'm such a strong person, I'm already a mama and I'll know what to do and to just ignore what everyone else is saying because when the time comes I'll be able to dig deep and birth my baby. It was so encouraging. Everyone needs one of those people before their first baby!

For this one... I'm scared baby will be in a horrible position and the midwives won't let me "work on it" for as long as I'll need to, and I'll end up with a c-section. I'm worried I'll feel pressured, badgered, watched. So far I'm mostly enjoying being pregnant still, and I don't enjoy the newborn phase and I'm stressed about adding baby #3 to the mix so that makes it harder to be like, "yup, labour! Great!" At this point I'd be more than happy to go to 42 weeks to put it off a bit longer.

On the other hand, I'm sort of interested/excited to see how this labour goes along, and I love that feeling where baby is being born- yes, I'm demented, I like crowning even- and I loved being the first person to lay hands on my second baby and hope I can catch this one too. That first look at baby is always such a dream-like moment (probably because I'm still like, "what? We're done? Really?") and I'm excited to know the gender of this baby, finally!

[Masel]

I'm scared of having a c-section. I bounced back really well from a vaginal delivery but in other surgeries for my feet and knee it wasn't so easy. I also found myself really alone after those procedures. My second daughter was only 5 months old when I had the knee surgery and we pretty much spent the next two days alone because of everyone's schedules. I guess I've cultivated a image as a strong woman who can take care of herself but I'm not going to be stronger than a post-surgery blood clot. There are so many more layers involved with a c-section than any surgery I've had before.

[cristeen]

I'm terrified of a malpositioned baby this time.  I really cannot face the possibility of another 5 day labor.  I mean, I know that there were things that could have been done if I had known what was going on, if I had had the resources (or used them), and this time I'm far more prepared... but that fear is still there.  And while I wouldn't do it in the hospital for anything (because what hospital is going to allow 5 days of labor?), having to deal with everybody in and out of my space for those 5 days was really difficult (as was the mess in the kitchen afterwards).  I didn't tear, I didn't have any of those types of complications, but really, 5 days of labor was horrendous.  I'm hoping for a nice, simple, straightforward 6-10 hour labor this time.  Really. 

I also have plenty of post-partum fears, but for labor itself, that's the big one.  That's why I'm working on Hypnobabies this time, to find that calm/relaxed space, which I really struggled with. 

I also really liked the questionnaire my MW gave us to fill out (we each filled out our own copy), some of the questions included what you expected from labor, what you wanted from a HB, why you chose a HB, any special requests for the birth, etc.  So we were each able to present her with what we want/need from this.  Much easier than expecting her to mind-read. 

[rozziemama]

My biggest fear is that I'll have to have a c-section, as others have said.  I am afraid of surgery. I am really scared of my body not recovering. I have a ton of other c section related fears as well.

And, probably most of all, however irrational this may sound, I want so badly to have a bit of a corrective experience from my first labor.  With DS, once it was confirmed that DS was head down (this was my big fear with my first - that he'd be breech), I didn't think for a MOMENT that I'd have a c-section. And I didn't. It was a 100% natural hospital birth.  BUT... I did end up "pushing" for 5 HOURS. In the hospital, with a MW. I was lucky they let me go that long.  I was 8 cm dilated when I got there and I think everyone thought babe would come out quickly... I just never felt like pushing. It didn't come naturally to me, while dilation, first stage of labor REALLY felt natural, like something I knew instinctively what to do.  I was very very frustrated for like 3.5 of the 5 hours.

Nothing was wrong. DS had a big head, maybe, but his heartrate was always strong, and the OB on call came in and literally gave me a thumbs up and said "you can do this."

So after DS was born, my MW looked at me and said "I promise, you will never have to push that long again with your next baby!"  She could tell how traumatized I was! 

[MommyPixie]

This thread is very helpful, good idea. I hesitate to share but it also feels good to state what is on my mind all the time.

I'm acutely afraid of another painful c-section. My first was a very bad experience with botched anesthesia. I know my midwife hears me when I am very clear about the importance of VBAC to me, but even with my DH I don't think I've made much of a deal about just how haunting and painful that cs was.

I'm almost looking forward to the labor itself since that felt really positive last time. I just need to make sure my team is fully with me on avoiding surgery!

[Ruby2]

I like the idea, but I feel better putting it in terms of what I hope for this birth!

I will stretch and stretch and not tear this time!

I will let my body do the work and try very hard to relax my muscles and not push as hard as possible.

I will not let the excitement and faster pace of transition pull me out of my calm inner self. I'm working with dh, the midwife and my mom a lot on this subject...last time there was too much commotion and encouragement and excitement in the room. It was a hospital birth and this time we'll be at home, so I know it will be easier to keep the atmosphere calm.

This time will be more peaceful!

[Sky]

OK I'm chiming in because as most of you know Sång was born.

My DD and DS were born 2 days before there due date induced regular birth in less than 2 hrs each had an epi the last 30 min with DD and at the last 10 min with DS. Easy births enjoyed every minute. Recovery was easy.

My younger DD was born via expidited c-section. I can say I enjoyed hearing her cry but since she was 30 weeks they wisked her away, the surgery was fine no issue but I did not like the numb feeling of the spinal because it was weird a totally different feeling than the epi. Recovery is easy I took pain meds just the first day after surgery and then just tylenol and motrin for a few days. Although recovery is just fine I do prefer a reg birth over c-section. I am almost 3 weeks postpardum.

[lightheartedmom]

I'm glad this thread is here...I've been sort of brooding about this stuff lately and I'm realizing I have more birth-related fears than I thought I did...which is majorly messing with my vibe.
And then I had an appointment today with the last midwife in my group that I hadn't met and...I really really did not like her. Like, I would cannot envision a world where she would be on the right wavelength to be my "person" during labor/delivery. She was just pushy and condescending and very medical...it's not any one thing (aside from her trying to give me the third degree about post partum birth control plans, whether or not we vax our kids, etc) - it's just I got all the wrong sense from her. I hate that my brain is running wild a bit with this whole thing. She's only on-call maybe 1 day a week at the hospital so our odds of her being there are slim...but ick.

I have more normal fears like malpositioning, tearing, c-sections, etc.
But I'm afraid of other stuff...leaving my kids during labor with someone I don't trust (my MIL), and being distracted during labor because I'm worried about them. I'm afraid of labor stopping and starting and I'm afraid of a labor that goes by so fast it's traumatizing or one that goes on so long I run out of energy (my first two were 13 and 12 hrs start to finish). I'm afraid that once I'm in labor, I'm going to panic and not want to go to the hospital at all. I'm afraid of running into problems with the hospital once the baby is here because we decline everything (no vit K, no vax, no eye ointment, etc) and it seems like paper pushing hospital bureaucrats grow less and less tolerant of parents making their own (informed!!!!) choices about those things these days. With DD2 when we asked to be discharged after 24 hrs they wanted to send a social worker to check up on us at home the next day (we refused and brought her back in to the hospital the next day for a check). This time I want to go home as soon as I possibly can and I know it's going to bug them.
I think I am feeling some pull that this baby *should* be born at home and it's not practical or possible for that to happen...but it still feels off to be planning a hospital birth. I've felt like this pregnancy has been such a private, sacred event in my life - more so than those with my girls (and that has everything to do with me and my own spiritual journey and nothing to do with how much I love and adore them) - and I now feel some unutterable, primal urge to go off and birth this baby in safe solitude like a wild animal - sheltered from onlookers and those who would try and "steer" my birth or my first days with this baby in any direction other than what comes naturally to us...
(also aware I sound like a total nutter now)

I feel a little broadsided by all of these fears and wish it would just all lay itself to rest without me exerting myself emotionally to slog through it all.

My birth with DD2 was amazing and now that I'm getting close to this third birth, I'm nervous that the bar was set so high by that birth and that midwife (who isn't around this time) that it won't measure up...I need to get myself into a place where I accept this birth for what it will be - different - and miraculous in all it's own, yet-to-be-seen ways. And to just trust that the rest of the details will work themselves out.

[alittlesandy]

I really like this thread. I find the back-and-forth between worrying and positive thinking to be very interesting, in my own head as well reading about others hopes and fears.

While I will most likely not "labor" I do have my own hopes and fears.

I hope I can be completely present during this birth, joyous, and able to enjoy the process and be in the moment. I'm really excited and looking forward to meeting my daughter! Just writing that brings tears to my eyes.

I'm not afraid of the surgery this time around (having been through it before) but I'm afraid of them not being able to get the spinal to work (everything was fine last time but it's always a possibility) so that I would have to have a general. I'm afraid of complications and, as always, worried about the baby. I will be so happy and relieved when I hear her cry, and then when she is in my arms.

This time around I feel more confident about breastfeeding after the c/s and handling the pain, etc. I am relieved that this time around I will be in a different place mentally and emotionally, instead of dealing with a new baby AND the feelings of devastation and disappointment after a failed homebirth.

[thedenverduo]

I am mostly worried about having to be induced again.  My first labor was 22 hours long, and I was induced because of crazy preeclampsia.  My blood pressure would spike so high that I would lose my vision for periods of time!  I really felt great the whole labor, but tired at the end, and I was able to manage the pressure and pain much better than I expected.  The hospital I deliver at is one of the crunchiest in the nation and so I didn't really have a 'typical' induction.  So all in all I had a great experience and I have zero regrets about how my first labor went.  I felt very empowered and respected through the whole thing, and we made the right choices given the situation.

However! (:

I really really really strongly desire to go into labor on my own this time.  Mostly, I am scared of something out of my control like pre-e happening again.  (Last time it hit pretty much out of nowhere the day after my due date).  I'm also a little nervous because my son was born 4 days late and he was 10 pounds with a gigantic head, and he barely fit through my pelvis.  (We had to do the clothespin/ pushing on the top of my pelvis to open up the bottom thing a lot).  So because of that I am nervous about going 2 or 3 weeks late.

I think I will be more aggressive about getting things moving without pitocin once I hit my due date.  Sweeping membranes, castor oil, nipple stimulation, even a Foley bulb in the hospital.  Who knows, maybe I'll go on my own a little early! 

It is so different than last time where I was scared of the pain and scared of tearing and scared of a section.  This time I am just fixated on going into labor without pitocin.  Maybe unhealthily fixated.  An otherwise unmedicated mom-centered vaginal delivery after pitocin-induction is not the worst thing in the world.  Right? I need to just be open to whatever happens and get to a place where I just trust my intuition and body and midwives and let go of everything else.