41+4 and midwife appointment today . . .

[uwritegirl]

I'm hanging around still, still pregnant.  I've had my share of fuzziness around my "due date" - as in, originally my midwife thought my due date was Feb 15th (was taking birth control when I conceived and also due to extended breastfeeding had no bleeding to go by), and then via a late-pregnancy ultrasound (a week before the due date!) to rule out poor fetal growth (all was well) the ultrasound tech suggested 3/18 as a more accurate due date.  Ladies, that is 4 1/2 weeks later!  So, I've been expecting my baby since the last week or so of Jan.  I've waited a long time.  I'm also having more and more hormone action - that lovely action that makes you feel totally yucky.

I have a midwife appointment later this afternoon, and she has already told me she is willing to sweep the membranes to stir things up.  But for some reason I'm not sure about it.  Sure, I'm ready to meet baby!  That is absolutely on my mind every minute of every day!  I have 3 other children (this will be my 3rd vaginal birth, 1st baby a nasty hospital c-sec) and they are also very very ready to have mommy back and not gripping the walls and going hands-and-knees for warm-up contractions that do not produce active labor.  I've had 2 legitimate early labor "starts" that have then chilled out.  I think that is where my hesitation comes from - thinking that stirring the pot might just give me another day and a half where I feel really ucky but don't actually have the baby.

I'm 41+4 if you use the ultrasound date.  My last two kids were born at 41+3 and 41+6.  The sweep has a good chance of working, and I know my cervix is favorable.  But, do I really believe the ultrasound date either?  What if, like all ultrasound guesses, I'm still way off?  What if I'm only something like 39 weeks, and with my history of babies being born in the mid-41st week I'd just be rushing a not-ready baby?

I know the sweep will not work if baby is not ready.  I also know that for the sweep to be really effective you do one today, one tomorrow, skip a day and then do a third sweep on the 4th day.  Lots of sweeps.  My fave midwife, who is the "senior" midwife at this birth, lives 3 hrs from here, so it is my secondary midwife, who lives 40 minutes from here, who will be doing today's prenatal.  I almost want to call my farther-away midwife and tell her to pack a weekend bag and come until baby is born.  Alas, she has other clients to potentially attend and can't just pack up for a week and camp out here.

Even as I sit here I'm having more contractions.  Real, good, labor-style contractions (not b/h) but not strong enough for baby, by any stretch.  But, then, also, this is the 4th - I hear it's so much less defined at the start of labor.  Anyway.

Thanks for letting me think out loud.  Thoughts are well appreciated.  Appointment in 2 1/2 hrs, so I still have some time to ponder.

[JMJ]

I realize I'm too late for your appointment, but my thought is that since you really have no clue when you conceived, the best expert on when your baby should be born is probably your baby.

[uwritegirl]

Thank you!  I agree!  I am so glad to hear you say it.

My midwife is pressuring me, and I said no for today.  She also started pushing me on getting another ultrasound (NST) and ticking off a list of reasons for which she would transfer me to the hospital for birth, instead of my planned home birth.  Not happy about that.  We are choosing a homebirth because we DO NOT WANT these interventions, tests, and even these anxious thoughts introduced into our minds.

I'm actually feeling a bit betrayed and I am seriously thinking of firing my secondary midwife, or at least of not notifying her regarding labor & birth until after the fact.  If she's hospital-happy that's her deal, but that does not mean I need to play along.  I'd rather UC than have her come and suggest hospital unnecessarily.  Plus, at this point, if she suggests a hospital transfer during labor I will have major trouble believing her because I already don't believe some of her reasons for hospital transfer.

My primary midwife (3 hrs from here) is not this way at all.  These two midwives, however, have never worked together before - actually have not even MET before.  My primary midwife attended my last 2 births when we lived in MA, and I hired this secondary midwife just for local prenatals (in CT) and also thinking it could be nice to have a local person if labor progresses quickly.  At this point, though, if labor is fast enough that my primary midwife misses the birth, I am totally good with that.  Forget having a local person!  But, if secondary midwife arrives first (40 min from here) and says we have to go to the hospital, I do not want the anxiety of even contemplating that decision when I am trying to open and surrender to birth!  Plus I DID sign a form saying I would obey her decision to go to the hospital during labor, and even questioning my own judgement I'd probably go and end up in the hospital, which I am trying to avoid like the plague!

Geez, if I wanted a hospital birth I'd have gone through insurance and done the OB route.  If I wanted the anxieties of medical testing I would have chosen a CNM.  I picked a homebirth to avoid all this.

[JMJ]

Have you talked to your primary midwife about it?  It does sound like you'd feel much better about just calling her and having her come as soon as you know you're in labor.  How well-prepared do you feel about potentially having a UC?  How does your midwife feel about it?

FWIW, I just had a planned midwife-assisted homebirth turn out to be a UC, and I don't feel like I was prepared for UC as much as I would have wanted to if I had planned it that way, but I'm really pleased with how things went.  It was an easy labor (the reason my midwife missed the birth), and it was beautiful to have only DH and DD there for the birth.  I was really on this high of being totally enamored with my husband for over a week after.  Everything went smoothly, and my midwife showed up shortly after.  I was able to just follow my instincts to birth my son, and we just hung tight and snuggled until my midwife showed up.  Even though she missed the birth part, she was there to help deliver the placenta, clamp and cut the cord, examine the placenta, monitor both of our health, handle some slightly unusual bleeding with me, clean up the mess, do laundry, stitch me up, and get us to bed.  While it was technically a UC, I really was very well assisted by my midwife, and (besides tearing) I really wouldn't wish it to be any other way.

[JMJ]

Have you talked to your primary midwife about it?  It does sound like you'd feel much better about just calling her and having her come as soon as you know you're in labor.  How well-prepared do you feel about potentially having a UC?  How does your midwife feel about it?

FWIW, I just had a planned midwife-assisted homebirth turn out to be a UC, and I don't feel like I was prepared for UC as much as I would have wanted to if I had planned it that way, but I'm really pleased with how things went.  It was an easy labor (the reason my midwife missed the birth), and it was beautiful to have only DH and DD there for the birth.  I was really on this high of being totally enamored with my husband for over a week after.  Everything went smoothly, and my midwife showed up shortly after.  I was able to just follow my instincts to birth my son, and we just hung tight and snuggled until my midwife showed up.  Even though she missed the birth part, she was there to help deliver the placenta, clamp and cut the cord, examine the placenta, monitor both of our health, handle some slightly unusual bleeding with me, clean up the mess, do laundry, stitch me up, and get us to bed.  While it was technically a UC, I really was very well assisted by my midwife, and (besides tearing) I really wouldn't wish it to be any other way.

[Everlong753]

I'm sorry for such a crummy situation.  I'd be really upset with the secondary midwife in your situation.  I can sort of understand her suggesting and u/s, but pressuring a hospital birth is out of line.  I would also worry about her suggesting transfer and if the reasons are valid.  Can you get that form you signed back and tell her you changed your mind?  That is a strange form, I've never heard of signing something like that before being faced with transfer/procedure.  Strange. 

I have a similar story to JMJ, I had prenatals with my lovely midwife and while I have UC'd before, I did want her to come this time because I adore her and wanted her to be part of my birth.  Things went so quick for me and she got caught in a snow storm so she ended up missing the birth after all.   We did great though and it was a beautiful, peaceful birth with just my dh and I.  I moved to the bed, got started nursing and loving baby before she came.  Then she helped me deliver the placenta, checked us both out and made me some sitz bath, visited, etc.  It was pretty cool.  

Not saying you have to do a UC, but if your primary midwife is okay with being 3 hours from you, I'd just rely on her and try to get a hold of her in early labor.  Maybe get a few essential supplies just in case.  

[uwritegirl]

Hello lovely ladies!

Thank you for the thoughts!  After I wrote, I called my primary and had a nice angry pregnant bawl-out about it, and she was very midwifey to me (I understand how you feel, sounds like you really need to process this, why don't you journal about it and we'll talk again tomorrow, go listen to your hypnobirthing . . . )  So I did all of those things and during that emotional release began real labor contractions every 30 minutes through the night!  Slept well between them, listened to more hypnobirthing when I got the butterflies, and had a good early-labor talk with my husband about it once contractions got to 15 or 20 minutes apart (don't remember which).

My sweetie then went to make me lunch.  While he was getting my food, I lay down to rest and think, and really came to a better peace about it all, understanding my secondary midwife's perspective much more clearly.  Although I felt she had crossed big boundaries and that she had been wrong, I was able to forgive her.  I told my husband, and at that point my 3-hr-away midwife was in the car already.  I called my secondary midwife and let her know I was in labor, didn't mention my anger because I had really put it aside, and after that promptly went into active labor with 5-min apart strong contractions.

In the end, both midwives were there, and both were very helpful (though my husband keeps telling me very funny anecdotes about moments in labor where my primary midwife was very hands-off while my secondary midwife was making suggestions of interventions and things to "do" almost the entire time - too funny in retrospect! glad I was unaware at the time, glad my primary midwife was there to be the steadying influence).  I am so glad I could come to the place of forgiveness, and then I talked it over with her during the after-birth recovery period and smoothed things out.  It was very much a good thing.  I'm sure we'll talk more at our postpartum visits, and I hope that the way in which I approach talking to her about it helps her to understand and approach other mothers a bit differently in the future, even if she feels the need to make similar recommendations.

Although I did have all I would have needed for UC, I am glad to have had the midwives there.  There was a lot of good that came from each of them being present.  And I'm thankful for my little girl!!

Love to you all.

[JMJ]

Congratulations on your little girl and on bringing peace and forgiveness to the situation of her birth.  It sounds like you did some soul searching and came up with the best solution of all.  Enjoy your babymoon!

[3timesamom]

Oh so excited for you!!!