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Coping with high-need baby - tips? - Page 2

post #21 of 28
First off, I'm sorry you're going through this. I was you two monts ago, so I feel for you in a big way. I will try to keep this short--if u want more details contact me please. Basically, I tried everything. Out of desperation I went to a chiro. That night he was better--no colic, no screaming, he slept for hours. But the next day, it was back again. Same thing next week: went to chiro, that night amazing, then he went back to his fussy business the next day. I couldn't afford to keep going to the chiro and I wanted a permanent "fix", so i did some digging. I came up with this website:


I very carefully adjusted him and I heard a crack. He had a great day. I adjusted him before bed and he had a great night. Long story short, I adjust him several times a day (always when he's calm; when he's crying he tenses up and I can't adjust him). It was truly a miracle for me. And I'm not a "miracle cure" believer. He loves carriers now, he still needs a quick adjustment when he gets out of the carseat and those baby bouncer or vibrating seats are just awful (anything I lay him in where his back is arched causes problems). He was in a lot of pain--I know that now. And I can tell now when his back has popped out again by his cry (bc I heard that cry for three straight months before I learned how to fix it).

It may not be your baby's problem--I only know my own story--but it can't hurt (assuming you're super gentle) and if it works, the change is not gradual, it's dramatic. Good luck!!!! I have my fingers crossed that this will work for you like it did me. If it does, pass it on to other moms!!!
post #22 of 28

High needs is tough - especially with the super mama juggling act you've got! hug.gif


Just wondering - does your baby have any other symptoms of food allergies?  Gas/diarrhea/funny colored poop/rashes?


Right around your babe's age, my guy started crying alot when he needed help falling asleep for naps (unlike all my friends' babies, who just kinda passed out whenever, wherever).  It took me a while to figure that one out.  He still needs me available for co-sleeping through his naps and for nursing during them.  I try to use this time to get things done on the computer (like, um, now redface.gif).


I only have one HN kiddo, but here are things that helped when he was small: 

  • nursing in carrier (we started in sling, but then switched to Ergo - I was surprised to find it was MUCH easier to nurse [just adjust straps until they are boob height], and the sleep hood provides perfect cover in public - I've nursed him while cleaning, socializing, eating - even giving a talk in front of our whole church!  No one was the wiser...)
  • vacuuming with babe in carrier (get something done AND soothe a baby to sleep - yaaay!)
  • dancing and singing with babe in carrier (this is a serious stand by to this day - that and walking fast while singing - I would do this for 5-30 min. or more some days, but it worked great! Maybe get your other kids in the act, doing a special quiet sleep dance for the baby?)
  • taking the baby outside in carrier (either on a walk or often, WHILE dancing and singing like a crazy person, as above - taking the baby outside was always close to my last resort if the above weren't working on their own - if he was taking it to the next level, so did I!)
  • holding him and letting him cry it out (HN kids get easily overwhelmed, especially around lots of noise/chaos/people - studies show we release cortisol in our tears, so crying is literally stress reducing - sometimes they just need you to be calm and be there for 'em)
  • putting him in carseat and nursing him while someone else drives (not the safest option for you, but one that worked for me!)
  • feeding on demand and co-sleeping
  • narration (respectfully letting him know what I was going to do, whether picking him up, changing his diaper, putting him in the car, or letting him know when I was leaving the room for a second - and coming back quickly!)
  • being aware of busy days and planning stay-at-home down time (you could journal this or just make a mental note of the situations that seem to stress your kid out and lead to evening melt-downs)


Above all else, what really helped me was a serious mind shift.  I had to SERIOUSLY adjust my expectations for what I could get done while being a good mom to him. We tend to do it the other way around ("I have X, Y, Z that I HAVE to do today, and this baby needs to get with the program!").


You only have 100%, and this kid needs more of it - you gotta respect that.  Something's gotta give, so that both of you can stay sane and everyone can get what they need.  Learning to shuffle and let go of other duties is really hard, but necessary.  Recruit help with the housework, let the house be messy, order pizza for dinner, find someone to babysit the older kids for a couple hours, do whatever you have to do - no shame in this game.  


You are a great mom, and you will get through this!  You haven't gotten this far without a lil flexibility and creativity - your kiddo is just upping the ante and taking it to the next level.  thumbsup.gif


Good luck, mama!!!  

post #23 of 28

PPs already gave great advice, I just wanted to add one thing... having a high needs baby crying in your loving arms, or snug up against your body, is NOT Cry-it-Out! I know it's so hard to hear the crying and stay positive, but some babies just cry a lot. My 7 1/2 month old is still pretty intense, but was crying constantly up to about 4-5 months. It's tough and it feels lonely, but so many of us have been there.



post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 


thanks for all the replies and tips!


i'll go dairy free from next monday, since we are going to a family gathreing at eastern i would not be able to stay dairy-free over the holidays.

i tried to nurse her in the  sling and it works out okay. 


i let my dd play with little sister in the afternoons and they both have a lot of fun joy.gifI try to let her play with her toys but she is so not interested.


Keep the tips coming! 

post #25 of 28

Hugs to you! Been there. It does change. I don't have time to read other replies right now, so I'll apologize in advance if I'm repetitive.

My fall-back with DD was vacuuming while she was in sling/moby nursing. She would almost always fall asleep that way, and then I could remove nipple, get her in a comfortable position for me (so I could use both hands), and rock on with my day. I couldn't put her down, but she wasn't crying, so I was happy. We also have an office chair that is on wheels, and sitting in that with her upright while bouncing (fairly aggressively) helped tremendously, and sometimes got her to sleep.

DS (now 8 1/2 months) started out mellow, then became super-high needs. I cut out dairy, and it was so hard to see if it made a difference. What absolutely was a fix was block-feeding for over-supply. Cut out the colic and screaming in maybe 3-4 days. I stayed dairy free for about 4 months, just to be on the safe side, but then about 2 weeks ago, tried him with whole fat yogurt, and he did FINE(stinker!) so the dairy went back in my diet, and we've had no issues. It's possible he outgrew it, but also possible that it wasn't an issue at all. I do think eggs is for him. He's reacted each time I've tried egg yolk.


Just read you don't like nursing in carrier, sorry. What about a back carry? DS would fall asleep on my back even when he was super fussy. The vacuum made it quicker and easier. He would fuss for a few minutes first, and I would just walk fast, and he'd fall asleep. Again, when he was super fussy, couldn't put him down, but he was calm and sleeping, and I could get a few chores done.  


If this has just started or gotten worse, teething? My LO's all have had their first tooth by 4 months old.


The only other tip I have is to lower your standards for a while, give yourself a bit of a break. When DS was in that stage, I set myself two tasks for the day: 1: get us all fed somehow and 2: get out of the house. Anything else was bonus. This will pass. Call in any favors you can for doing chores. Get out of the house regularly. I would go for long walks outside with DD screaming in the moby. Somehow it was easier to deal with in the fresh air. I didn't get that claustrophobic feeling of being stuck in a little room with a screaming baby. Again, it does pass. DD is 3 now, and extremely articulate and compassionate.



post #26 of 28

I would second a chiropractor.  It may only take a few adjustments (not daily).  I've heard stories from my friends IRL about how a chiro "fixed" their high needs baby with one adjustment.  DD1 was super high needs, and I wish that I had known to try it.  I did do the eliminations diet, and trust me, it's much easier to take her to a chiro a few times to see if it works before you commit yourself to the diet.

post #27 of 28

I went through this with DS #1 and am currently experiencing it with DS #2 (why do I make these incredibly fussy high needs babies? GAH). It was hell. HELL. I really could not do anything to make DS #1 happy. He did better being upright and having constant movement, but even that wasn't a given and I needed to change his position every minute or so or he would WAIL. I dreaded going out in public (because of the meltdowns) and just all around had a really hard time coping (if you do an archive search you will find a post I wrote in 2007 about my baby hates being awake). Around 8 weeks I started wearing him forward facing in a mei tai and that helped some (he hated tummy to tummy and snuggle carries and would scream and fuss and straighten his legs trying to get out. Not pretty). But really, what helped the most was when he hit 5.5 months and learned how to crawl. Once he was independently mobile, he was a brand new baby. He was actually kinda fun! I am really hoping that life turns around for you soon.


I will say that he probably did have reflux, but we didn't medicate it (ped doesn't believe in reflux meds for the wee babes) and he did end up having food allergies (tested positive for cows milk, eggs, and sesame when he was just under 2 years old with skin test). I had sort of eliminated dairy from my diet, but not completely because, well, I love it. Just wanted to put that out their to let you know that DESPITE the reflux and the food allergies, we made it through. You will too. I do know how hard this is and recognize that it makes it hard to bond. That being said, I totally fell in love with my kid once he hit 5 months and we are a well bonded pair still today, 4 years later. Many hugs to you.

post #28 of 28
Originally Posted by dctexan View PostI had sort of eliminated dairy from my diet, but not completely because, well, I love it. 

There is a chemical reason why you love dairy (it happens w/ gluten too!).  I've been a part of a yahoo group of parents of children (and the parents & individuals themselves) w/ food allergies/sensitivities/intolerances for many years; we've been eliminating foods for 8.5 years.  Not being able to stop a food because you love it is a classic sign of an issue w/ that food.  The group is foodlab; maybe you'll check it out ;-).


Best wishes,



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