I'm curious what arrangements others have with their significant others when it comes to taking care of the baby, especially for those who are SAHM's with partners who work outside of the home. How much effort does your partner put in? As the primary caregiver, do you expect to get breaks or do you just go with the flow?
I feel severely taken advantage of as the primary caregiver and I fear it's pretty soon going to irreparably damage my marital relationship, or at least my respect and love for my husband. DH works third shift so I rarely get breaks as is. But his comments are beyond comprehension and make things worse. Like right now, the baby has been crying for 2 hours straight and I've done everything possible to comfort her to no avail. DH has been asleep for 8.5 hours, so I brought her into the bedroom and asked him for help. I said it nicely. I told him I really need a break. He told me he needs a little more sleep....... to which I wanted to punch him in the face and say, "YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE HOW MUCH SLEEP YOU GET ANYMORE!" but instead I politely said, "You've already gotten over 8 hours." Didn't matter. And when he actually DOES wake up, he'll tell me as usual that he needs an hour to wake up. That one sends me up a wall. SERIOUSLY. He thinks he deserves to get an hour of relaxing "wake up" time before contributing? OMG... I've had it with that one. He doesn't see the unfairness even when I point out to him that I wake up ON THE SPOT every.single.morning when the baby wakes me up at the crack of dawn.
Then there is the matter of lack of respect for my hard work in general. He hasn't once told me he appreciates what I'm doing... (unless you want to count the times I've had to drag it out of him, which I don't) I honestly think he'd rather me work outside of the home and put her in daycare, if he weren't afraid of a daycare worker going ape on the baby from her spiritedness. You know what he finally admitted the other day? He thinks that because I have boobs and can breastfeed to comfort Sora, it's all so much easier for me. So basically he has shown me in a million ways that he doesn't think I deserve credit. I understand that men can't truly wrap their heads around the hard work we put in because they can't be in our shoes, but my DH has a complete lack of ability to entertain the thought of it. I tried doing a stupid "test" with him when I hit a breaking point one day and went out with a friend for three hours. He had a horrible time with the baby. I know it drove him CRAZY. But he still acted nonchalant and too stubborn to see that he could never do what I do...
Am I asking too much of him to watch her while I cook sometimes, or to give me a break when he wakes up in the afternoon, or to verbalize some appreciation? I told him that I don't want anymore kids... (which I know bothers him because he wants a boy at some point) I can't have anymore kids if this is the way the co-parenting will go. It isn't what I signed up for. Just because he works three nights a week, I don't feel I should have to be taking care of the baby 99% of the time by myself. That's placing a LITERALLY full time job on me... and pretty much makes me a single parent. I am bitter right now so I'm not painting the entire picture because he does contribute almost daily in holding the baby for at least a half hour or an hour, and he'll take one nighttime feeding off of my hands sometimes. He changes diapers sometimes. But it still doesn't sound like much. He's never bathed her, never taken her out of the house himself (except to drive her around when she was flipping out on him), never taken her on a walk... He changed once we had the baby... The first month was amazing and then things just changed... It's not fair... I told him one day I felt like I gained a baby and lost a husband.
I'd just like to know how things go in other people's households?