Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - April, May, June! - Page 28
Hey all! I just realized that I hadn't posted since DW's fall over a week ago and thought I'd drop a quick line to everyone. She's doing fine, after several hours of monitoring at the hospital the baby was kicking away. A quick ultrasound told us her fluid level was GREAT, thankfully, and we got to go home.
That weekend we drove out to CA for DW's grandfather's wedding and took some pictures on the beach!
So yeah, that's a couple out of 680 photos from the weekend... I'm not kidding.
I follow along with you all every day, but it seems like my time to post just never exists! I'm thinking of you guys. Sara and Seraf, Soren and Shay just get more handsome every day!
OMom - I love those pictures of your girls! Happy daughters. They're so sweet.
AHope - how are you, mama? Been thinking about you and your family.
Brite! We've been wondering about you too! Hoping everything is going smoothly for you.
Isa - Can't believe time's going by so quickly. Will there be photos from this blessing of EJ's?
Dandy - HI! Belly pic?
nosreves - congratulations again on your sweet sprout. I'm so sorry your little brussel didn't make it. I imagine that's quite the conflicting feelings. Have you heard back from your parents about the baby yet? Thinking of you, doll.
Oh my gosh you guys, I'm missing so many of you. I swear I'll get better about this posting stuff, maybe things will calm down before the babe arrives.
Desert, just for you... They aren't as exciting as your wonderful beach pics, but here I am at 24 weeks. I'm getting sooo excited, like Christmas is coming and I'm 7 years old again!
Looks like you had a great time in CA!!
Saras! What wonderful pics!
Brite! ????? The suspense is killing us!
Dandy, look how you've popped! Is the second trimester being generally kind to you?
Rainbow? How are you doing?
KS, enjoying California?
We had our first trip to the ER last night. I dropped some blinds on Shay and they scratched his cornea (and eyebrow, eyelid, arm and a toe). The ER experience was better than I expected. We took him to a children's hospital because they generally don't deal with kids down here. The hospital was pretty awesome. They totally recognized our family and were good with Shay.
Seraf, I hope Shay is ok! Glad that you had a positive experience at the hospital. The 2nd trimester has been great! Lots of heartburn, but that's it. I'm loving feeling the baby kick so much, and DP has felt it a number of times. We start a HypnoBirthing class on Thursday, and I'm pretty excited about it.
I am love love loving all of the baby pics, belly pics, and ultrasound pics!!!
Dandy- Love the comic! I should have a shirt with that printed on it. It's amazing how big of a to-do baby sex and gender determination seems to be for some people!
Nos- Losing one twin is sort of bittersweet, yes? Add me to the list of people for whom that has happened. We transferred two embryos, both implanted, but one didn't make it early on. It was definitely sad to see the second sac without much in it... but it was a relief to know that the pregnancy would be lower risk and that the surviving babe had a greater chance of going to term. My condolences and congrats both- how exciting to see a real live baby in your belly. 12 weeks was my favorite ultrasound because they are pretty developed, but small enough to see everything in one shot. :) I wish you the best with the family situation- any response yet?
Desert- Glad to hear everyone's okay! Love the beach pics. :)
Escher- I received the books today. Thank you! Can't wait to start reading.
AFM... Doing good. Physically I'm feeling great- no aches or pains, just feeling large and getting up and down is hard. I get tired pretty quickly, but all of that is normal when you're 38.5 weeks pregnant, so no complaints. I'm dilated to 2cm, 75% effaced, and passing mucus plug almost every day. I have a lot of Braxton Hicks but I don't think it's quite time for the real thing yet. Emotionally, I'm pretty ready to be at a stage where my body belongs to me again. I'd like to sit back, have a glass of wine, and not have requirements and restrictions any more. I'm really looking forward to the day when I'm not immediately in the path of this baby's mother's worries- she worries herself sick about everything and can not help but bring a lot of those worries up to me... Everything from baby's hiccups to chlorinated swimming pools to fetal monitoring in the hospital. It sometimes seems that she's determined to find something wrong at any moment. Thankfully daddy is a lot more reassured.
California is wonderful. Every day I am glad to be back here. We are somewhat settled into our new apartment. The movers were a huge hassle (which is a nice way of saying DISASTER) but we have our stuff now at least. I'm staying with surro-babe's parents about an hour away from our place until the baby is born, as I'll be birthing at the hospital near their house. At the apartment we at least have the bedrooms, bathroom, and kitchen unpacked, though they need some organization. The living room needs some furniture still and we have a ton of stuff that we need to find places for. Our apartment is less than half of the size of our house in KS, so it's interesting trying to squeeze everything in. At any rate, we're set up enough that I'll feel comfortable coming back there after the baby's born.
Oh, and a question... I sometimes feel a movement from baby that is very strange... it's rhythmic, but not sharp movements like hiccups. It feels like she's breathing really hard. It's so strong that I can see my belly pulsating. Has anyone experienced anything like this? It's really weird to me!
seraf -- thanks for asking about my oft-forgotten cervix. apparently, she's closed up tight and has no myomas (???) on her. i don't think the doctor (because actual doctors do ultrasounds here) measured her, though. i'm sure the hospital will make that a priority. btw, i think my DP is secretly in love with Shay. for months she's been going on and on (in French, of course) about how cute he is and how she could eat him up (not literally...i think). we're both glad to hear that he's okay after the almost blinding blinds incident.
dandy -- thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. btw, i'm soooo envious of that bump you're sporting. right now i think i'm just fatter than normal...all pudge and no bump. when did you start showing and when did you start feeling the LO moving around?
sara -- how are you feeling, chica? Soren looks frakkin adorable in his little green hat...just like a little elf. those eyes are just gorgeous....
isa -- more Edith pics, s'il te plaît!
desert -- aww, you two are soo sweet. i do feel a bit sorry for the beach ball, though. how's your DP feeling these days? and what super creative projects are you up to?
junebug -- thanks, we're pretty pleased with the picture ourselves :) . thanks also for your comments over on the other side of MDC. they were very much appreciated. how are you feeling now that you're in the 2nd trimester?
ksdoula -- first, i have been meaning to tell you for ages how much i loved your post on cloth diapering. until i read it, i was absolutely baffled by the whole thing. now, i feel like i have a better understanding of the different options. merci beaucoup for taking the time to put that together. i'd love any further advice or suggestions you have (or anyone else here!) second, thanks for what you said. i guess losing a twin is more common than i realized. in any case, i'm glad you were able to move back to a place that you love, and i'm sending you ELV for your surro-babe's upcoming birth. please keep us all updated!
and rainbow!!!! what's going on, gal??
afm... the family-telling went sooo much better than i was expecting. i made the wise (in hindsight) decision to include my stepmother in the email to my father. she wrote back almost immediately and said how excited she was for us and asked if we knew the sex already. she and my father then called me the next day, and they both seemed genuinely happy. my stepmom even said that my dad wanted to fly back over in dec. to be here for the birth... um, yeah. and they offered to pay for all of our nursery furniture just like they did with my sister and brother. i was very surprised and touched that they were happy for us. my father admitted to being completely caught off guard by it all, but i'm sure my stepmother gave him a good talking to beforehand to head off any stupid/insensitive/rash comments or questions.
my mother also responded...one word, "congratulations!" that was the whole email. my DP was *livid*. she wanted to send back a nasty response saying something like "is that all you have to say to your only child who is going to have your first grandchild??" but i talked her out of it. at least it wasn't something horrible. i imagine i won't hear anything from her again, but i will certainly send her photos when sprout arrives. for years, she sent me and everyone else glowing emails about my various cousins' achievements. she never once mentioned me...not when i went into the peace corps, not when i won awards or got a story published. it was so weird and hurtful. and then two years ago a younger cousin had a baby, and ever since she's been sending out these emails entitled "family photos" that show her with my cousin and the baby. when i'm feeling particularly hormonal and mean-spirited, i imagine sending her pictures of my stepmother and father with the baby and the caption "sprout with her grandparents." i could never really do it, though. i feel bad enough for just thinking it.... i've mostly given up on her, but a part of me is so very sad for both her and the LO.
anyway.... i'm now 13 weeks! i had my final appointment with the wenchy gyn today, and she was actually much nicer than normal. she checked my cervix, and then, much to my surprise, she pulled out a doppler and proceeded to find sprout's heartbeat. i almost cried. i think losing our other one has made me feel fragile and anxious about sprout's wellbeing. next monday we have our first appointment with a midwife at the hospital where i'll be giving birth. does anyone have suggestions for questions i should ask?
also, does anyone have feedback/input on hypnobabies? i was thinking it might be helpful, especially since i'll be surrounded by people speaking a language that is not my mother tongue.
phew...sorry for the novel. hope everyone is having a fabulous tuesday!
Nosreves- Number one, I can not possibly imagine how, as a mother, one could not be anything but excited and full of love for their daughter who is expecting a baby. It is really too bad for her that she is living in such negativity. I think your dad and stepmother have the right idea. ;) Anyway, about Hypnobabies, I used it for my first birth and loved it. I was able to stay relaxed and peaceful (despite the intensity of the process) for virtually my entire birthing time. I also think all of the positive affirmations really added to my confidence in the birthing process helped everything to go smoothly. It gave my wife tangible tasks to do- cues to help me relax and enter hypnosis. I did the home study course and I'm doing it again this time. I'm very hopeful that I'll be able to use more of the tools from the program this time around and I'm hoping it will be useful in dealing with the hospital environment. (Last time I had a homebirth.)
KS, I echo Nos' thoughts on the cloth diapering post. We've decided to go with a local diaper service, who are reasonably priced and very environmentally conscious and toxic-free, but your post really helped me to wrap my head around all the options out there today. It's an excellent resource!!
Nos, it's funny. I think I started to show way earlier than was apparent to other people. I remember posting a pic on FB around 13 1/2 weeks, thinking I was HUGE, but now I look back on it, and realize I mostly looked bloated. But it doesn't matter. Our bodies are changing in all sorts of ways, and we've waited so long for this, that I think it's awesome to celebrate the first emerging bump. I also remember that it came not too long after that feeling of fat and pudge, so yours is on its way! I started feeling flutters that were sort of distinguishable around 18 weeks, and then identifiable movement and pops around 20 weeks.
I'm so glad the news went over well with your dad and step-mom!! It sounds like you have a healthy way of dealing with your mom for yourself and your own sanity. I'm sad for her as well. She's missing out on such an amazing opportunity and relationship. Hugs!
Oh, and I'm not doing Hypnobabies, but we are doing Hypnobirthing. I always thought they were the same thing, but just realized they're totally different programs, but I think based on the same sort of premise of deep relaxation. I really like the book so far. A lot of people have commented (in my DDC and IRL) that the Hypnobabies book is annoying to read because it's all underlined, bolded, and italicized for emphasis, and so it feels like she's shouting at you. The HypnoBirthing book isn't like that at all. It's well written and a pleasure to read. Our class starts on Thursday night, so I can update more on Friday.
Just a minute to post:
Seraf: So glad Shay is ok! Yikes.
Whoabethy: Congratulations and welcome (back)!
Dandy: Awesome belly. Love the pics.
Nos: Adjusting to one? I bet your bump will be unmistakable pretty soon. With my first, it took forever (like 7 months), but I felt more recognizably preggo this time by 5-6 months (not sure why the difference, since I was heavier to start this time). The u/s pic is amazing! I didn't do a hypnobabies class but got the CDs and found them enormously helpful in labor. REALLY useful and calming and focusing and empowering. I'm so sorry about your mom...
KS: Totally understand being ready to have your body back to yourself, especially when you are dealing with a worry wart. Best wishes for an easy birth!
AFM: Z's (known)donor comes into town in an hour and will be staying with us for two nights. She has been asking more about him lately and we are glad to have the visit, but it is always super awkward, because we have NOTHING in common other than Z. He is a business man in his late 50s... ugh. Hoping we find something to talk about for two days... Things are well at home--much better with DP, though this issue comes up cyclically. Lilah is pulling up and standing unsupported for a few seconds at a time. She is fearless! Gotta run-
nos - im sorry to hear your mother's reaction didn't feel more sincere. i hope she comes around as your pregnancy progresses and the baby arrives. my MIL was the same way with our first and slowly, she's getting there. as for hynobabies, i bought the home-study kit too, though i didn't end up making it through the whole course on my own (im a slacker). i loved the pregnancy affirmation track. i am a worrywart, and it was nice to have those affirmations to go to.
amanda - hope the next few days aren't too awkward.
afu - 15 weeks today. im still having some serious "morning" sickness & exhaustion, but nothing compared to my first pregnancy so i can't complain.
Nos, I'm so sorry about the loss of one of the twins, and at the same time I echo everyone's congratulations on your healthy baby! I love the ultrasound pic. So cute to see the whole little one in one shot! I'm also sad to hear that your mother's response was so curt and that she's not able to extend her love and support to your family. Who knows, maybe she will come around someday. I can't even imagine how she could stay so removed after seeing pictures of her own grandbaby! All of this does indeed sound emotionally complex. Keep taking great care of yourself & hang in there.
Brite, I am wondering about you and hope you are doing okay..
Amanda, I hope the visit with the donor is going okay! Sounds like quite an interesting hangout. How often does he visit you guys?
Desert, I love the beach photos! You two are so cute! I especially like the sandcastles.
Whoabethy, welcome and congratulations! :-)
Seraf, sorry to hear about the accident with the blinds! Yikes. Glad to hear your hospital experience was okay. How is Shay doing now?
Dandy, great photos! You look so good! You've inspired me to post my own belly photo below.
Hello to everyone else!
I also could tell I was growing waaaaaay before anyone else could! I think that now I have finally made it - at 24 weeks - into the world of pregnant people who look pregnant - a woman I don't know came up to me and rubbed my belly last week. She said to me, "Are you having a little girl?"
To which I replied, "I'm having a little somebody!"
And she said, "It looks like a girl to me! I can tell just by looking at you."
And I asked, "What makes you say that?"
And she said, "I can just tell."
And that was that. So at this point I've dreamed our baby is a boy, been told the baby is a boy, and been told the baby is a girl. I've also been told that the baby will be really hairy, because I have so much heartburn! Has anyone else heard that? I find it all pretty humorous!
Everything is going well, *except* I have developed a really intense, nervy pain in my left hip. Really it is more like my left butt cheek! Ouch. I can't put weight on my left foot without it shooting pain down my leg. I'm working on trying to see my doc tomorrow or the next day. Thank goodness today was the last day of school! I still have to write my narratives (we don't use grades, so we write detailed narratives about how each 7th grader did this school year), but at least I can work from home and don't have to be active. I'm hoping I can get this pain to go away with bodywork. Have any of you experienced anything like this during your pregnancies?
Here I am last week and this week... though I swear I've grown another inch since the last picture was taken!! My tummy is itchy!
Take care, all of you! xoxo
Thanks for being so obliging, Dandy!
AHope, that's interesting that your donor stays over at your house. Do you think he finds it awkward too? I hope you're all able to find things to talk about!
Seraf - I saw the pictures of poor Shay on FB! I'm glad he's okay.
Junebug, hooray for 15 weeks! Sorry your tummy is not feeling great, I hope it abates soon. How are your other kiddos doing with the newest pregnancy? Are they excited?
Whoabethy - Welcome (back)! I am new to these parts (well, within the last 16 months new) and I don't "know" you - would you mind telling us more about your wife and kid? Congratulations on number 2!
Planet - lovely belly! I also really like your birds arm tattoo, lol. DW has really grown an amazing amount in these last four weeks, and still no strangers have been rubbin' up on her belly. Maybe she gives off an effective "F-you, stay away" vibe. We are of the belief that it's abnormal to go up to a complete stranger and start touching and caressing her belly, *especially* without permission. DW's plan is to start rubbing their belly in return. Hopefully that'll weird out people enough to get them to QUIT IT.
So, the latest here is that yesterday our AC conked out and the heat made the dog sick and he got diarrhea all over the kitchen floor and so DW came home yesterday evening to a poop sauna! Yep, pleasant. Poor DW. She said it was an absolute test of will to NOT vomit all over the diarrhea. Of course, last night we also had a Bradley class scheduled, so DW went to that while I stood around waiting on our neighbor HVAC guy to fix the unit. Thankfully, we HAVE a neighbor HVAC guy and thankfully, he fixed it and our house is now nearing chilly. Poor DW is so SO hot. It's been above 100 degrees here all week and our house has just been too warm! I do feel badly for her. She has a rice sock that she likes to keep in the freezer though and it makes her incredibly happy to lay it across her belly, LOL.
It's bedtime here! Which means reading Harry Potter to the belly, yay!
Seraf—good timing on getting sick—you’ll be all healed up for your visit! Glad Shay is ok, too. Is it hard being the patient instead of the nurse?
Desert—yes, I promise pictures, though they might not be as cute as your beach ones! And bravo to your DP for not getting sick with that—I don’t think I would have made it.
Nos—ugh. My aunt sent an email like that (although she omitted the punctuation). It definitely hurts, and I imagine even more so when it’s your actual mother. I’m glad your dad and stepmom are behaving like normal grandparents-to-be. Hopefully your mom will either come around, or the hurt will lessen with time. *hugs* to you both. I also realize I never said anything about losing the twin. I’m so sorry about that. One healthy baby will be amazing, but it’s sad to have to say goodbye to the one who didn’t make it, even if that means your little sprout has better odds.
Dandy—you look great! I did hypnobirthing—DP said the other night that she misses the relaxation cd, so I’m supposed to be looking for a replacement. It didn’t work much for me in labor, but I think the circumstances were difficult for meditation, and I’m not very hypnotizable, so I think that’s part of it. I know other people have had excellent results with it!
Whoabethy—welcome back and congrats! I wasn’t here for your first, so I’ll enjoy getting to know you with #2!
Ahope—yay for standing Lilah! I bet she’s so cute tottering on her little feet! Also, do you mind sharing how you ended up with Z’s donor? It’s great that he’s willing to have a relationship with her, and that you’re willing to put up with the awkwardness. Good luck!
Junebug—boo for morning sickness!
Planet—so cute, you and your bump! And I’m so sorry about the hip pain. I get sciatica sometimes (though not while pregnant, thankfully) and it SUCKS. Also, everyone (usually people I’d just met or strangers) told me that E was going to be a boy. Nope, crazy strangers. Not a boy. (at least not yet)
AFM—We’ve been having fun over here. E is starting to imitate us, so we have a new game—we say ‘goo’ and she grins, thinks about it, and says ‘goo’ back to us. It’s adorable. Now that we’ve been doing it for a couple days she sometimes even initiates the conversation! I know it doesn’t count as a word until she attaches meaning to it, but it’s so amazing to be able to talk with her, even if it doesn’t mean anything yet. She and DP are talking now. Every time I try to add pictures my computer pretends it doesn’t have any. Next time!
Thanks for all the welcomes! My partner and I met in 2004 while we were living in NYC. We lived in Brooklyn for about 8 years. DP is a special ed teacher - she teaches science to Deaf and Hard of Hearing students. I was a school librarian until DD was born and then I was home with her. Now I'm in law school...just finished up my 1st year. My amazing DP is supporting us all through my schooling. My law school is Catholic, so they have really good policies about pregnant students. :)
DD was born in 2009. We had planned a homebirth, but my water broke at 35 weeks and DD was breech. So, I ended up with a c-section. Big bummer. But DD turned out fine...better than fine! She's an amazing, spirited kid a great imagination! She loves to talk about her "grandkids" (Paprika, Knuckle and Leap) and tells stories about them all the time. Yesterday she told me that they were on vacation in "turkey country" visiting an octopus and cat who lived together under the ocean. Ha!For this pregnancy and last we used a KD. DD's and new baby's donors are both friends of mine from college.
Looking forward to getting to know you guys!