Queer & Pregnant & Parenting - April, May, June! - Page 29

[dandylez]

Welcome and congrats, Whoabethy! What a beautiful pic of your family! Your DD is a cutie!

Thanks for the lovely comments, everyone!

Planet, you look fabulous!! I haven't had anyone come up to my belly yet, and I'm not sure how I'll deal with it if it does happen.  I'm sorry about your hip pain. I posted about something similar about a week ago, but luckily it passed fairly quickly.  I hope yours does too!

Desert, I love your DPs solution to the belly rubbing!  I had a good giggle when I imagined doing it back to someone.  That A/C dog diarrhea story is awful but I'm sure it will be funny some years down the road! Your poor DP! I can't imagine the mixture of smells and heat! Glad the A/C is fixed now!

Junebug, great to hear that you're doing well! Happy 15 weeks!!

Nos, had our first HypnoBirthing class last night, and I LOVE it so far! The approach is really well aligned with my own philosophy, and I think the breathing, visualizations, affirmations will help a ton. I wasn't sure what DP would think of it, but she's totally on board. She did one of her undergrad degrees in Phys. Ed. and studied the use of similar breathing and visualization for athletes. She also thinks they'll be some good tools to help her deal with stressful situations generally, which can be a bit of a struggle for her.  I hope you find the HypnoBabies course to be as useful!

Isa, did you lose the relaxation CD? Or is it just that it's birth-specific? (I haven't listened to it yet.) If you need another copy, I can probably make one and mail it to you? Let me know. I love that you guys and E are chatting these days! What an awesome time this is!

AFM, we hired a doula for the birth. We weren't really thinking about it, but I went to an info session and met these really amazing women, and we decided that if we were really committed to our home birth, then we should arrange for extra support for the both of us (and our moms, who will probably be there.) I'm also thinking about placenta encapsulation.  It's not something I'm telling people about (except you lovely women) because I know most reactions will be rolled eyes and laughter, but a friend did it and swears that it made a difference. I figure that it can't hurt. Has anyone here done this?

Finally, a cute story. DP and I were lying in bed the other night, talking about names, and girl names specifically. Our three favourites are Fionnula, Adair, and Ula.  Anyway, babe hadn't been kicking super frequently, but DP put her hand on my tummy and said, "What do you think, Pickle, should we call you Fionnula?"  The Pickle responded with a huge kick right in the centre of her palm. She tried it with the other names, but there was no response at all. SO... it seems that Pickle has chosen her own name. It might be a bit of an awkward name if he turns out to be a boy, but we'll just have to remind him that he picked it!

[junebug1]

planet - your belly is so cute!!!  the pain sounds like sciatica, i didn't have it while pregnant but my partner did.  i don't think there is much you can do about it except for getting off your feet, and maybe warm compresses.  i hope it doesn't last your entire pregnancy :(

desert - love your wife's idea for warding off unwanted belly touching.  people are so clueless!!  to answer your question, our other kids are too young to really understand there is another on the way. 

isa - those early baby conversations are so sweet!!! aw! :)

beth - love the sweet family picture!

dandy - i think its great you hired a doula, we had one for our last birth and she was amazing.  it really is a different level of support than those that are attending for personal reasons (like family).   that's a cute story about pickle picking her name too!

afu - just truckin' along.  im starting to feel some flutters, which is awesome.

[KSDoulaMama]

Whoabethy- welcome and congrats!!!

AmandaH- I'd love to hear how the visit went with your KD. Out of curiosity, how did you find yourselves using him as a donor? Was he an acquaintance or someone you met for the sole purpose of sharing sperm?

Planet- LOVE the belly! :)

Desert- The dog disaster sounds like pretty much the worst thing ever while pregnant. My cat went through a period of vomiting several times a day during my first trimester and that was hell... but the poo and the heat combined would have been a thousand times worse. Glad she survived that, haha.

Isa- It's kind of sweet that she worries about the baby, except that she worries about things that are just clearly NOT problems. For example, the baby hiccups often and it took three different doctors telling her she's crazy before she would believe that the hiccuping was not caused by oxygen deprivation. I just have had this great healthy pregnancy and I don't want my natural birth to be sabotaged because she is worried about problems that don't exist. Little E sounds SO cute!

Dandy- Love that you hired a doula. I did not have one for my homebirth, but this time around I've hired one and she's been worth her weight in gold already, and I haven't even given birth. I think you'll be really happy about that decision!

Back for my update later, gotta go!

[KSDoulaMama]

Okay, back!

AFM... still pregnant! Haha. I am 39 weeks today. TMI alert for sure, but my bowels have been really clearing out over the past two days, culminating in some diarrhea and very gurgly belly this evening. I would love for it to be a little bit of prelabor preparation, but we shall see! I'm feeling very ready for this baby to be born... so uncomfortable the last few days. It's so difficult to find a difficult position to sit, stand, lay, etc. and walking has gotten to be really awkward! My hospital bag is packed, my doula is on call and everyone is ready to see a baby, so it would be great if things could pick up tonight or tomorrow morning! :) But I'm not holding my breath. I've been expecting her within just a few days of my EDD, so it would be a pleasant surprise to have a baby earlier.

[planet]

Hey you all!

Yes, I've been diagnosed with sciatica. Ouch!!!  My ND gave me an awesome butt massage, which helped a tiny bit, but it the nerve pain is still ridiculously painful.  We're going on six days of it now!  I have a massage and craniosacral appointment both coming up next week, and am going to try to see my acupuncturist ASAP as well.  I'm super determined to get this pain to ease up as much as possible, as I can barely walk (it's more like a slow hobble at this point). 

Also, about the random belly rub, it was one of my students' grandmothers, so even though she was a stranger to me, she wasn't a *totally* random stranger.  I wasn't offended by it, just amazed and somewhat shocked by both her bold belly rubbing AND declaration that the baby is a girl! I agree with y'all that touching peoples' bellies (or any other part of them, really, unless you are close) without asking first is very, very bad form!  If it hadn't been at a school event I probably would have blocked her before the hands could touch my belly (I'm a self-defense instructor too, so I've got some good moves under my belt!) ;)

Dandy, that's cool about the doula!  We have one too, and we are realllllllly happy about it.  Our doula is a friend of ours who has been a doula for several years, and is almost finished with midwifery school as well.  We're super thankful that we've arranged for this extra support.  Also, I'm interested in hearing more about the hypnobirthing.  My teaching partner lent me a book about it, but I haven't cracked it yet.  Also, we've been talking about the placenta encapsulation.  Our doula just told us about it, and I'm very curious to hear if anyone has tried it and how it went?

Would someone be willing to point me in the direction of that now-infamous cloth diapering post?  It sounds like something I should read, but I seemed to have missed it somehow.  Thank you!

Sweet dreams and hello to all of you! xoxo

[KSDoulaMama]

Originally Posted by planet Also, we've been talking about the placenta encapsulation.  Our doula just told us about it, and I'm very curious to hear if anyone has tried it and how it went?

Would someone be willing to point me in the direction of that now-infamous cloth diapering post?  It sounds like something I should read, but I seemed to have missed it somehow.  Thank you!

On the topic of placentas, with my first birth I did not have anyone in our little town in Kansas to encapsulate mine, and I was in NO state to take care of my own. But it was important to me to have the option of using my placenta for its benefits. I actually froze it in tiny bits and used one or two bits in a smoothie each day (with orange sherbet, orange juice, and frozen cherries to cover any trace of texture/flavor from the placenta, haha.) It was probably the grossest thing I've ever done but it REALLY helped me emotionally. Once I started doing the smoothies, the baby blues that were creeping in just totally went away. The extra hormone support really seemed to make the transition easier. I've also heard the placenta can help with a plentiful milk supply, and my milk supply was definitely plentiful to say the least, but I think it probably would have been with or without. This time around I am living in CA and there are plenty of people around who encapsulate placentas, yay! My doula will have a cooler with her when she comes for my birth, and she will transport it to the placenta lady for me. The placenta lady will get it done hopefully within just a few days and deliver it to our doorstep! I am super excited about this.

The cloth diapering post: http://themiddleofeverything.wordpress.com/2012/03/01/the-mother-of-all-online-cloth-diapering-guides/

It's long, but so far it is the only place where I've been able to find most of this info all in one place. Hope it is helpful to you. :)

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by planet 
Also, we've been talking about the placenta encapsulation.  Our doula just told us about it, and I'm very curious to hear if anyone has tried it and how it went?

My doula dried and prepped mine as part of her "doula service" and then my DP just bought some capsules from the local vitamin shop and I encapsulated it myself - it was just like dried herbs/spices. I also think it was amazing for my well being and would highly recommend it. There was nothing gross about it at all...it was just like taking vitamins. I took about 6-8 capsules a day.

[SwtRainbowBrite]

Hello Everyone!! I am so sorry to have left everyone in such suspense I am almost 39 weeks which means I am STILL pregnant  Here is a quick update of what is going on:

Baby Girl is still semi-transverse her head is basically sitting on the pelvic inlet but she refuses to engage. My fluid levels are at a 14 and my midwife feels that because of the higher fluid levels and my "roomy" uterus the baby has lots of room to still swim around. She will probably not engage until my water breaks. But I have been trying the Miles Circuit to get her in the right position, bouncing on my birth ball, and being on hands and knees. What a stubborn little baby! The good news is that my mom is FINALLY here so the baby now has the go ahead to make her debut! I am really quite miserable! My feet are so swollen that they hurt and I can't fit any of my shoes so I had to get some cheap flip flops that still hurt. The funny part is that before my mom arrived I had been experiencing lots of prodromal labor and now basically nothing LOL! I am at my wits end and my anxiety is going through the roof, in addition with my gestational diabetes and recently discovered high blood pressure, and a looming forced repeat C-Section I am caving and going to give the Labour Cocktail Recipe that Starling posted a while back and see what happens. Here's hoping this works because not even Acupuncture has worked at this point. I am soft, and dilated to at least 1 (I have declined all internals the past 3 weeks). I promise that I will be back for personals if this baby doesn't make an appearance today or tomorrow. Thank you ALL for thinking of me and I am sorry again for leaving you ladies hanging!

[SwtRainbowBrite]

Here are some photos to make up for my absence these are from our Maternity Photoshoot at 37 weeks!

 

[qmama42]

Brite--Great to hear from you! I love the pictures; thanks for sharing! I'm sending you easy labor vibes as I type this. All of my best for a smooth, head-down VBAC for your sweet little one. You two must be so excited to meet her. I know it's been a ridiculously long road for you and I am thrilled that she'll be here soon! Happy laboring to you!

[AmandaHope]

Rainbow: Look at you! SO SO beautiful. For what it's worth, I essentially induced a very slow/stalled early labor with aggressive pumping with a double electric breast pump. The protocol is 45 minutes on, 15 minutes off.  It only took two rounds for my labor to kick in. It hurts, though. Have some good lanolin cream handy if you try it.  Together with the labor cocktail, this would give you a good shot.  Plenty of people swear by eggplant parmagian (sp?), too.  I still have some in the freezer!  Good luck!!

Dandy: Very sweet story. We didn't do placental encapsulation, but I wish I had.  I got some moderately intense baby blues.  I'd totally do it if I were you.

Planet: So sorry about the sciatica.  That really sucks.  Lots of stretching, massage, acupuncture, and heat should help. 

Junebug: Flutters!!  Yay!

AFU: Quick version: We met Z's KD because he was an acquaintance of my mom's when we were thinking hard about known donors in grad school and decided that we weren't comfortable going with a friend (since we were young and none of our male friends had kids and hadn't really thought about anything related to kids).  D (the donor) is about 20 years older than us and has a small business. He'd raised two adopted kids but never had bio kids and wanted to know that his genes were out there somewhere, but he was too old to be eligible for a bank. He is healthy and generous and happy, which is what we wanted.  But we don't have anything in common, really.  Anyway, he visits about once/year and takes us out to dinner, takes Z on bike rides and to entertainment complexes, etc.  They have fun, but there is always plenty of awkwardness, too.  This time, Z felt it.  She was acting out at dinner (very unlike her--being quite rude), and when I asked her how she was feeling after he left, she said that she felt "weird" because he is "technically" (her word) her "father," but she doesn't know him well or care very much about him.  I told her that whatever she was feeling is fine, that she didn't need to feel any differently than she did.  That seemed to help a bit.  But she observed that she doesn't know any other child who has this kind of situation--a known donor, and especially a known donor without a close relationship.  I'm going to try to tap into local networks to find another kid or two (Chicago lesbian moms group, COLAGE), but if anyone else has ideas, please feel free to float them my way. She feels alone in this, and I hurt for her.  In contrast, we're now in touch (through facebook) with two other families with kids from Lilah's donor.  It strikes me that Lilah will be lucky to know three kids so far with extremely similar situations to hers (two moms, same donor).  I wish Zoe had that kind of support.  I'm feeling a bit helpless here.  But really, everything is good.  It was a pleasant visit, and I think it means a lot to Zoe that he comes out here (from Boston), even if the visits themselves are awkward at times.

[DesertSunsets]

Dandy - I love the story where your pickle chose her/his own name!  LOL!  Very sweet.  And congratulations on your doula!  

Isa - I don't think it's possible that EJ could be ANY. CUTER.  And I adore the story about your conversations with one another.  Incredible.  

Junebug - hooray for fluttering around!  I know it made us feel so much better once DW started feeling the babe move.  Although I don't think our daughter has "fluttered" ever, mostly she's a kicker/puncher and rolls over a lot.  And stretches and pushes.  But she does everything 100%, it seems.  I read this line in some book recently that I think is very apropo for our little family: Dobermans don't give birth to cocker spaniels.   And cocker spaniels we are not.  I think we may be in some trouble with this one, lol. 

KS - sorry IM is a nervous nelly.  I hope little girl makes her debut soon and IM's worries can be projected onto her instead of you, haha.  I didn't say it before, but I'm really glad you're mostly settled in CA and that DW and DD are there now, too!  

Brite - you look so gorgeous!  Of course I love your blossoming belly, but your hair is so amazing in addition!  I love it!  I really hope your DD makes her appearance soon, too!  Sounds like maybe AHope's nipple stimulation protocol might be helpful for you.  I will send positive "baby come out" vibes your direction.  Thanks for updating us!  

Qmama - nice to see you in here, too!  How are things?  

AHope - what an interesting story about Z's KD.  I'm sorry things are awkward for your family in some ways, and I hope you're able to help Zoe not feel so alone in her situation.  Hugs to you, Mama.  

Planet - wow, that sciatica sounds terrible!  I'm so sorry.  It does sound as if you've got quite an arsenal of things to do to get rid of it, though.  Good luck! 

Seraf and Sara - love the picture of Soren in his Pride shirt on facebook!  Your kids are all so cute.  

Not much going on around here.  29 weeks today, which seems pretty darn pregnant to me.  DW's belly seems to expand by the hour, and little girl is getting hiccups pretty frequently now, which is kind of awesomely adorable.  She also seems to be spending at least some of her time head down, which is encouraging news for us!  I keep telling her that it's important to come out head first.  Maybe she'll listen.  

Last week, DW knitted the most heart-wrenchingly sweet little booties and put buttons on them that were her great grandmother's buttons.  Maybe even her great-great grandmother's before that. And they got to go on DD's booties!  I love them so much.  I just want to coo at them and rub them on my face.  Which I know, makes me a weirdo.  Whaddya gonna do.  

Happy Father's Day, as well!  Hope you're all having great weekends.  

[seraf]

I can't keep up.  I read, but personals are beyond me at the moment.

KS, good luck with the whole birthing thing.  I can see that being nerve wracking.  I already wondered how you would find the hospital after being home (Watching Sara's birth, I doubt I could have resisted drugs in that setting).

Rainbow, beautiful belly.  I hope you go into labor soon! quick and healthy!

Desert, awesome booties.  Awesome buttons.  I hope they remain a matching pair for a long time to come!

AmandaHope, Ari is like that.  She doesn't feel weird about it yet, but her donor is a friend.  They don't really have much relationship beyond seeing each other a few times a year and she's more interested in playing with the kids than interacting with the adults.  

  

Pride pictures

[starling&diesel]

Happy Baba's Day to anyone celebrating!  We gave DP an addition to her necklace, which already had a pendant with E's name on it.  So, naturally, we got her one with H's name on it.  And E made her a card and got her a pack of gum (her idea) and we had French toast and went out for coffee before DP had to go to the restaurant and deal with the onslaught of people coming for Father's Day brunch.  Great day!

Brite!  I was so worried!  Thank goodness that you are trucking along towards your fabulous birth!

Desert ... Okay, hon, that was a low blow.  Are you trying to make me crazy with baby urges?  Because that's what you did with those lovely wee booties.  And the button story made me tear up.  Seriously.  I could eat those booties, they are so yummy. 

AmandaH ... That is an interesting situation.  I'm sure it will get slightly more awkward before it gets easier, because everything gets more awkward in the teen years.  But it will get easier, I am sure of it. 

KS ... Easy labour vibes to you!

No time for anything more right now.  Thinking of you all and reading along.  

AFU:  H is cruising and standing on his own for up to 30 seconds or so.  He's eight and half months, and would like to try out for the Olympics in a variety of sports.  I told him he'll have to wait a few years.  He's so much more mobile than E ever was! Even in his sleep ... his kicks at my belly, which hurts my c-section scar!  Even this many months later!

And he actually plays, whereas E never did.  She still doesn't.  She loves her book and is into making things, but not playing with toys.

H is into her toys and her play kitchen and stuffies and blocks, which is great, because I've always wondered why we even had them in the first place.  E just isn't into toys at all.  She entertains herself without any accoutrements, besides her rich imagination, that is. 

[KSDoulaMama]

Seraf- I am also concerned about having a hospital birth and avoiding the drugs. I have a GREAT doula who I think will be really valuable, but I think it will be a lot harder of a task than sitting in a tub in my living room. I'm actually going to avoid getting into the bathtub while I'm laboring at home because I think it will be almost impossible to get me out of it, haha. I'll definitely write up a birth story when I'm done and let you all know how it went!

[starling&diesel]

And I meant to give a shout out to Whoabethy!  Welcome back, Mama! Good to see you here!  You have a gorgeous family.
 

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by AmandaHope 

AFU: Quick version: We met Z's KD because he was an acquaintance of my mom's when we were thinking hard about known donors in grad school and decided that we weren't comfortable going with a friend (since we were young and none of our male friends had kids and hadn't really thought about anything related to kids).  D (the donor) is about 20 years older than us and has a small business. He'd raised two adopted kids but never had bio kids and wanted to know that his genes were out there somewhere, but he was too old to be eligible for a bank. He is healthy and generous and happy, which is what we wanted.  But we don't have anything in common, really.  Anyway, he visits about once/year and takes us out to dinner, takes Z on bike rides and to entertainment complexes, etc.  They have fun, but there is always plenty of awkwardness, too.  This time, Z felt it.  She was acting out at dinner (very unlike her--being quite rude), and when I asked her how she was feeling after he left, she said that she felt "weird" because he is "technically" (her word) her "father," but she doesn't know him well or care very much about him.  I told her that whatever she was feeling is fine, that she didn't need to feel any differently than she did.  That seemed to help a bit.  But she observed that she doesn't know any other child who has this kind of situation--a known donor, and especially a known donor without a close relationship.  I'm going to try to tap into local networks to find another kid or two (Chicago lesbian moms group, COLAGE), but if anyone else has ideas, please feel free to float them my way. She feels alone in this, and I hurt for her.  In contrast, we're now in touch (through facebook) with two other families with kids from Lilah's donor.  It strikes me that Lilah will be lucky to know three kids so far with extremely similar situations to hers (two moms, same donor).  I wish Zoe had that kind of support.  I'm feeling a bit helpless here.  But really, everything is good.  It was a pleasant visit, and I think it means a lot to Zoe that he comes out here (from Boston), even if the visits themselves are awkward at times.

I find this very interesting too. We have KD who we adore but he only sees DD randomly, is not parenting her at all and she doesn't know he's her donor yet. I have had fears of things playing out the way you are describing. I almost want DD to see KD more so it won't be awkward for her or him when we finally tell her....or when she asks....we're not sure what will come first! Does Z want a closer relationship with him?

[AmandaHope]

Originally Posted by carmen358 

I find this very interesting too. We have KD who we adore but he only sees DD randomly, is not parenting her at all and she doesn't know he's her donor yet. I have had fears of things playing out the way you are describing. I almost want DD to see KD more so it won't be awkward for her or him when we finally tell her....or when she asks....we're not sure what will come first! Does Z want a closer relationship with him?

Honestly, I don't know if Z wants a closer relationship.  I'd ask her, but she left this morning for 2 weeks of sleepaway camp (!).  My guess is that she'd say no.  I do think that more frequent short visits might help them just get to know one another better.  D did say that he might be able to come back through town briefly later this summer. We'll see.  How old is your DD again, Carmen? Three ish?  By then we were definitely talking about D as Z's donor. I've seen various folks suggest that it is good to tell them early so that there is never a surprise factor.  Does your KD live nearby?

Oh--and Isa: That little back and forth sound game sounds delightful!! 

[planet]

KSDoula- Thanks for the link to the cloth diapering post.  It is super helpful!  I just spent a long time reading most of it, then bookmarked it for future reference.  I think we are going to set up a cloth diaper service and have a way for friends and family to add to our account as a registry gift option.  Our laundry situation in our apartment isn't super great, so I think it will be helpful, especially in the beginning when we are trying to get used to everything.  Did any of you use a diaper service?  How was it?

Brite - You look amazing!  What a sweet photo shoot.  I'm relieved to hear that all is well and that your mom is in town at this point.  I still have a good feeling about your birth!  Remember, I'm here in Seattle if you need anything.  I know you have lots of sweet friends/family but don't hesitate to ask if you need anything; I'm just a message away!  Hang in there!!!!

Seraf - I love the photos!  They're all cuties!

Desert - Those booties are TOO cute!!!  Looking at them gave me my first urge to start collecting baby gear.  They are just so sweet and tiny!  Congrats on 29 weeks; I can hardly believe so much time has passed already!

Dandy - Your story about the name choosing inspired us!  Last night we were getting lots of strong, sporadic kicks, so we decided to try having a conversation with the baby about some of the names we have considered.  I listed some of the names we've been thinking about, and for one of them, we got one solid, strong bonk!  No movement for any other names.  DP and I were like, "Aha!!  We should try this again sometime and see if there is a pattern!"  Super fun.  We're hoping to come up with more names we both like, too.  We prefer gender neutral names.  It's just so hard to come across names that one of doesn't have some kind of association with!

Thank you all for the sweet words about the dreadful sciatica.  It is getting better, thank goodness!!!  I can still feel it, but it is more of a dull ache now and is no longer preventing me from walking and going down the stairs.  I am so thankful and hope it lasts!  I'm still looking forward to my two bodywork appointments later this week.  I don't want to take feeling good for granted!

I am now finished writing evaluations for my students and officially on summer break!  While it doesn't feel very summery out here yet, I am relieved to have time to chill, get creative, and start thinking about more planning type things we can do before it's baby time.  Summer vacation, yeah!!!

[carmen358]

Originally Posted by AmandaHope 

Honestly, I don't know if Z wants a closer relationship.  I'd ask her, but she left this morning for 2 weeks of sleepaway camp (!).  My guess is that she'd say no.  I do think that more frequent short visits might help them just get to know one another better.  D did say that he might be able to come back through town briefly later this summer. We'll see.  How old is your DD again, Carmen? Three ish?  By then we were definitely talking about D as Z's donor. I've seen various folks suggest that it is good to tell them early so that there is never a surprise factor.  Does your KD live nearby?

DD is 2 1/2 at the end of this month....wow, 3 seems so young to be telling her that she has a "donor." I don't know that she'd really get what that means! Yes, our KD lives in the same city as us...very close. We're actually going to his wedding this August.