I just kind of wanted to share and maybe solicit a little advice.
I'm 32 and am not a mama yet. I spend waaaay too much time on mdc for someone who doesn't have a baby. I'm getting married in May and we're going to start TTC right away (he's 37 and we don't want to wait). I know all about the physical part of babies and creating them (I know more than my mother who had 4 babies), it's the emotional/psychological angle I need some help with.
I want to be pregnant/deliver a babe/raise a child (hopefully more than one!) so badly that some days it absolutely consumes me. I am jealous of friends who have LOs and I positively gush over baby clothes. I adore children (I'm a children's librarian) and just can't wait to be a mommy.
And then I realize that I am terrified. I'm terrified of infertility, miscarriage, pregnancy complications, emergency c-sections, not being able to breast-feed, genetic disorders, birth defects, special needs, diagnoses, not being able to find suitable work/life balance or appropriate childcare options (we both work), bad schools, bullying, paying for college, etc. My best friend lost her first pregnancy at 20 weeks and I know a family who just lost their 6 year old to cancer. I hear horror stories about pregnancy and birth and sick babies. It seems like every child now has a diagnosis of some sort.
How do you come terms with these things? I know I have some anxiety and I can fixate on the negative (despite being an optimistic person) Do you just tell yourself that it will be perfect and just figure out how to deal if it isn't? I know this is something I want so very badly (so does my amazing fiance and he will be an amazing dad) but I'm still scared of it. Any books or suggestions or words of wisdom? how do you reconcile your fear with your desire?