Originally Posted by glassesgirlnj
I'm kind of wondering... those of you who won't let your child cry for even 10 minutes, what do you do when you're driving down the highway and LO starts crying in the back seat? I'm assuming it sometimes takes you a few minutes to find a safe place to pull over.
Or what if you're cooking and have a pan of hot food in your hands, and no place to put it down quickly? (This last might be a Northeastern US problem... we tend to have older houses, smaller kitchens and less counter space.)
Or what if you're in the shower? As someone who has personally fallen and hit my head in the bathroom, trying to get out of the bath too quickly, I move slowly and cautiously around slippery surfaces these days.
Is the crying-baby-brain-damage only caused when you *could* respond faster to the baby and choose not to? If so, how does the baby know your intentions? Is a puzzlement.
I never said I don't let my babies cry for 10 minutes, but I did say I don't intentionally leave them alone to cry, so I will answer.
In any of these situations, I have the ability to talk to my babe and comfort him to some extent verbally. Kind of like if I hear a loud noise that makes me nervous, I say, "is everything alright in there?" and if my older children respond affirmatively I feel less nervous but if they are silent I become a little more nervous and investigate.
In the car I talk to him if he is riding back there alone. Most of the time there is a parent or sibling beside him. He also has a mirror so he can look at himself or the driver and smile. When I hear unhappy sounds I stroke his head or give him a toy. I try to intervene before he gets to full fledged crying. I also try to time car rides with happier times of day when possible. We live 30 minutes from everywhere so the car is something we like to make a happy experience.
While cooking I try to keep a clear spot on the stove top. I definitely would prefer a complaining baby over a burned baby, but I don't much carry hot food around. Especially not for 10 minutes at a time, my oven mitts aren't thick enough for that. I generally sit the baby in his high chair when I'm opening the oven. Today he sat with me while I made cookies. He doesn't usually just start screaming, tho. When he gets an unhappy sound to his chatter I try to figure out what's up. I don't wait for him to cry.
The shower scenario doesn't really pertain to us, either. He showers with me or DP or both. If I'm in the shower he is with her, so she can handle any issues that come up.
He cries when he wakes up alone in bed. He occasionally cries in the car. He doesn't cry much. I try to meet his needs as they arise so he doesn't have to cry. I have tried to do that with all my children. I don't believe it is possible to spoil a baby. Once, a friend's baby was making a fussy sound and the friend was going to her. Reflecting my upbringing, I said, "She's faking it." my friend politely told me that if it was important enough to the baby to complain about it, it was important enough to respond to. That simple idea got my wheels turning.
My second child did cry quite a bit. I held her and did my best to comfort her through her tears. It was a hard time for me. As it turned out she had problems with some foods I was eating. No amount of singing, rocking or nursing could take away the pain in her stomach but I don't really think leaving her alone would have either. Once we figured out the problem she was a model child. She still has some anxiety. I couldn't tell you if that's nature or nurture but I feel happier feeling like I'm making an effort than when I feel powerless to help.