Yeah, I actually liked NCSS a lot too.
The "nuclear option" she mentions, at the end of the book (while still reassuring the reader "You have been a very attached mama" 
- thanks for letting me know, Liz!) made a lot of sense to me. Honestly, that sounds closest to the kind of "sleep training" that anyone in this thread would be doing.
We can't say that CIO DOESN'T cause brain damage/damage/negative effects, because there hasn't been a study done with a proper control group. The research that has been done indicates that it is a possibility.
ETA: It's also one thing to deny practicing CIO, when one actually is doing so, and another to say, "I feel this is better for our family because of ______(less crying overall/personal coping abilities/work schedule and sleep needs/baby seems happier/whatever works for you).
My all time favorite infant sleep book is No Cry Sleep Solution. For older kids I like Sleepless in America. Although there are things in both that I would not personally try in my family.
Is someone here denying practicing CIO when actually doing so? I found this comment interesting since I am not sure what you are referring to, and I am also curious how you would be certain someone was denying practicing CIO unless you are in their home.
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We certainly don't never ever cry here either. My first cried a lot, because we couldn't figure it out I started doing everything I could to meet as many of her needs as possible and those strategies have helped with my second two who are much calmer individuals.She's fairly anxious at 4.
Which makes me think about correlation/cause. It could be babies that emit more cortisol over stimuli then other babies are just more likely to exhibit problems as adults, or they are more likely to be sleep deprived, and their parents are more likely to need sleep training techniques.
Is someone here denying practicing CIO when actually doing so? I found this comment interesting since I am not sure what you are referring to, and I am also curious how you would be certain someone was denying practicing CIO unless you are in their home.
So what ARE we considering CIO?
My understanding of CIO is intentionally leaving a child alone to cry (for any amount of time) with the purpose of getting them to sleep and to avoid using more hands-on techniques such as rocking, walking, nursing, patting, singing, et cetera.
When I hear unhappy sounds I stroke his head or give him a toy. Again, this is closer to distracted driving than I personally feel comfortable with - but I should also point out that I didn't start driving until I was 38 years old, so I suspect most people aren't as paranoid as me!!
I don't believe it is possible to spoil a baby. Once, a friend's baby was making a fussy sound and the friend was going to her. Reflecting my upbringing, I said, "She's faking it." my friend politely told me that if it was important enough to the baby to complain about it, it was important enough to respond to. That simple idea got my wheels turning. Right, I don't even think they CAN "fake it", developmentally, until they're at least a year old? That's what I've been told anyhow.
I'm curious, what you would do if you child didn't like the car seat, or what your plans are when they get older and noisier?
I don't believe in the idea of "faking it" they may be expressing a need for something in an inappropriate or very strange way, but acting out is almost always some reflection of a need. I mean, just because my two year old is whiny or fussy means I should belittle or ignore her, I should try and address the underlying need. I've noticed when they get older they have needs that CANNOT be met, and wants that aren't always able to be filled, but to tell them they are "faking it" would be incredibly inconsiderate.
So what ARE we considering CIO?
My understanding of CIO is intentionally leaving a child alone to cry (for any amount of time) with the purpose of getting them to sleep and to avoid using more hands-on techniques such as rocking, walking, nursing, patting, singing, et cetera.
Yes, that is how I would define it. I still don't understand your previous comment about denying practicing CIO when one is actually doing so. ???
I also don't think that CIO is inherently evil. Letting a child cry so that a mother can, for instance, cool off and get her bearings is not a bad thing. Many people are in situations far different from mine, and have to make choices that fit their family life. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe I misread what some were saying. I thought I saw several different places with descriptions of CIO, but said it wasn't CIO because it was only for short periods.
I think everyone is making the parenting decisions that are they best they can make, and there is no one perfect way to be a parent for all children for all families. I wouldn't even know what the "perfect" AP mom would look like, because I certainly am not it! I do think that different methods can have different results and it's good to talk about the good and bad sides of all kinds of different ways of raising kids.
I'm curious, what you would do if you child didn't like the car seat, or what your plans are when they get older and noisier? Well, you know what they say about "Man plans, God laughs" ;) -- but if I were alone in the car with my child (which happens pretty infrequently, same as your house), I would start looking for a safe place to pull over so I could attend to whatever need they were having. If my child were old enough to understand, I might say something like "I'm sorry you're upset. Mommy is looking for a rest stop," just so she knows she isn't being ignored.
You have older children already, would this technique work with them? Or should I start thinking of other strategies?
I don't believe in the idea of "faking it" they may be expressing a need for something in an inappropriate or very strange way, but acting out is almost always some reflection of a need. I mean, just because my two year old is whiny or fussy means I should belittle or ignore her, I should try and address the underlying need. I've noticed when they get older they have needs that CANNOT be met, and wants that aren't always able to be filled, but to tell them they are "faking it" would be incredibly inconsiderate. All this makes perfect sense. That being said, I've watched my friends' three-year-old fall down, LOOK AROUND TO SEE IF ANYONE HAD NOTICED, and THEN start crying. Of course his dad checked to make sure he wasn't really hurt, but then he informed the kid that he was fine and there was nothing to worry about (and I informed the kid that the Academy Awards weren't for a few more weeks.) ;) Honestly, the kid seemed to calm down pretty quickly once he realized the adults around him weren't concerned...
Again, you have older children, how would you have handled the situation in your house?
I wanted to respond to this last night, but needed to go to bed instead, but I see now that many have answered it in mostly the same manner I was going to! But I figured I should lend support to the conversation since I've been a part of it from the start. 
I'm kind of wondering... those of you who won't let your child cry for even 10 minutes, what do you do when you're driving down the highway and LO starts crying in the back seat? I'm assuming it sometimes takes you a few minutes to find a safe place to pull over.
Or what if you're cooking and have a pan of hot food in your hands, and no place to put it down quickly? (This last might be a Northeastern US problem... we tend to have older houses, smaller kitchens and less counter space.)
Or what if you're in the shower? As someone who has personally fallen and hit my head in the bathroom, trying to get out of the bath too quickly, I move slowly and cautiously around slippery surfaces these days.
Is the crying-baby-brain-damage only caused when you *could* respond faster to the baby and choose not to? If so, how does the baby know your intentions? Is a puzzlement.
Driving... I avoid long drives whenever possible, but since this is obviously not always possible in today's society and with older kids, I do my best to keep the baby comforted while driving. Sometimes this meant putting a finger in his/her mouth or stroking his/her head (yes, I could do this while still keeping my eyes on the road). Sometimes this meant shaking toys or putting toys on the car seat handle to provide distraction. And most often this meant playing music, singing, talking, etc. to reassure him/her that they were safe and I was there. When dh and I drove together, I would sit in the back seat for long trips or move to the back seat if the crying was not solved with any of the above solutions. Now the older kids are back there and can make faces at the baby, too.
Cooking.... If baby was not content in the bouncy seat, I would put him/her in a carrier. While baby is in the carrier I would not attempt to pour large amounts of boiling liquid or stand in front of a spitting hot skillet, but many other kinds of cooking can easily be accomplished. Once I can get baby on my back it's all much easier. If I had to do something more dangerous, I would provide baby with a distraction, sing, etc. while quickly accomplishing the task, which would likely take less than 2 minutes.
Showering... I shower mostly when dh is around. I get up early before he has to leave for work or I shower at night. If I needed to shower without him around (like now that he's out of town), I put the baby in a bumbo or bouncy seat next to the shower and talk/sing, etc. I also provide him with toys to grab at. I actually have more issue showering with my older two unattended!
I don't find any of these situations any where near the same as CIO b/c a care giver is trying to reassure the baby at all times with talking or touching and is doing everything else they can to ease the baby's distress until they can be picked up safely. CIO is when baby is purposely left to cry with little, decreasing amounts, or no reassurance at all.
Katie, I hope you don't leave, though I have been in your shoes several times before with AP groups and understand your desire to leave. I have often found myself neglecting other responsibilities to type out an involved post about a topic such as this one and wondering why I do it, why I let myself get sucked into the debate. But for me, there is a valid reason in the end. I think it is so important that we challenge each other. How else do we grow except by having our ideas of what is normal, acceptable or right questioned? How else would we break out of the status quo and try new experiences? How else could we learn to be more tolerant or to come to better understand the situations that others are experiencing? No, it is not better to remain quiet when you feel differently. I want to hear those points of view. I want to understand. I may not agree, but I am a better person for hearing it.
It always seems that the those that reside comfortably and confidently on opposite ends of arguments come off more harshly b/c those people do not accept a different way of thinking for themselves making it more difficult to put things lightly. Those that fall in the middle tend to be more easily affected from either side and prefer to hear things couched with more understanding, exceptions, and tolerance. I have found myself in both places and therefore strive to write my responses with sensitivity no matter where I stand so that they are more easily heard. I have a friend that always finds herself in the extreme and I asked her why she doesn't soften her words so they reach farther. She replied that she felt her words needed to remain strong so that her strong stance was more easily seen- if her words did not compromise then others would be challenged more by her statements. I found this an interesting perspective. And she took a beating for it from the group and was eventually kicked out despite long debates on whether her words were in fact hurtful or simply stating her own truth about herself. My point here is that I don't want to see anyone kicked out or feeling as though they should leave for fear of offending anyone when it was never the intention to offend. We can all agree that there are many ways to parent and we can probably further agree that within AP there is a pretty wide spectrum as well. I come to MDC b/c I know it as a place where like minded individuals can find support, but also where people can voice their opinions, get advice, and learn knew things. I want to hear from the person that thinks diapering is child abuse and EC is the only way to parent b/c that makes me think about my own elimination practices. I want to hear from the person that believes TV is detrimental and has a TV free home b/c it challenges me to think about my own TV watching and how I could do things differently. And I want to hear from the person that believes CIO causes brain damage b/c it might and I would want to be aware of that.
So I urge us all to keep voicing our thoughts and to do our best to be sensitive, but also remain open to the challenge.
I have tried the little foot rattles. I know she hears them, but she cannot seem to get her legs up to a point where she could see them or recognize them on her feet. She can "find her feet" when sitting and chew on them, but is unable to bring her foot/leg up to be able to grab at it...or even see it.
Her upper body strength is great, and she can almost sit unassisted, its just her lower body.
Here is some final food for thought:
You might consider having her eyes checked as well. When I was a baby I didn't bear weight on my legs and I ended up walking really late (although I did walk on my own). It turns out that I needed glasses. I walked at 15mo, but before that my mom tells me that I just sat like a lump and everyone was SOOO sure that something was wrong with my legs. I got glasses shortly there after and have been wearing them since I was about 17mo. Both of my parents said that I was so happy to be able to see that I never took my glasses off! :)
I have tried the little foot rattles. I know she hears them, but she cannot seem to get her legs up to a point where she could see them or recognize them on her feet. She can "find her feet" when sitting and chew on them, but is unable to bring her foot/leg up to be able to grab at it...or even see it.
Her upper body strength is great, and she can almost sit unassisted, its just her lower body.
Really, I don't think that our babies know anything about object permanence yet. I'd say that comes later and reasoning skills come way later yet. While I do agree that at some point children have to go through all of these things you mentioned (being a little uncomfortable while they wait for something), I still feel that all of our babies are way too young to be expecting this of them. They have zero rational thought yet and can not understand.
I did CIO with my DS when he was 12mo. At the time, after it worked, I thought it was great and really backed my decision to do it. In retrospect I realize that it was an AWFUL thing to do to him, even at 12mo. It was 3-4 days of crying and crying and then another 2 weeks before he finally accepted that he had to fall asleep on his own. However, after that he always went to sleep easily and effortlessly. He had given up hope that I would stay with him and accepted that he had to be alone. Now at 8yo he still takes forever to fall asleep and wishes someone would be with him, he really doesn't like to be alone and hates going to bed. Did I do that to him? Maybe, we'll never know, but I do know that CIO was a bad choice for me in the end and something I will never do to a baby again.
There is a point in a childs life, when they have enough reasoning to learn a new still, like sleeping alone, even if it does involve crying. However, I think that comes between 2-3yo for most kids, not in infancy.
Yes, children do cry when they get older to manipulate. That doesn't mean that they don't NEED some attention for whatever reason. It might sound like fake crying, but it is actual distress and an actual need for some interaction.
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