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April Chit Chat - Page 22

post #421 of 509

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by TalkToMeNow View Post

 

 

Same here. I have to leave the house typically a minimum of 2x per day. Older kids have to get to school. Sometimes Jasper cries. Luckily, he is getting way better about the car.

 

Ash, I neglected to mention earlier that I'm sorry you are worrying about Bettie. I hope you get some answers, and that those answers are that everything is within the normal range! Also, my dd1 did everything late. She had horrible muscle tone. She still does. She is still the slowest in her class and is the opposite of athletic. But she does okay. She has plenty of friends and has plenty of other talents. We've even managed to find a "sport" (rock climbing) where she can go at her own pace and not feel like she is the slowest or worst in the group. Oh, and she is thin as a rail. She has always been very, very thin. She looks like skin and bones. I took her to the dr several times when she was younger, and they always said she was within normal range. Just barely (lol) but in there all the same. I think the difference in the weight thing between her and Bettie is that dd1 was always super tall. It made her weigh more. So even though she was skinny, she seemed bigger because of her height. (Dad is 6'5). If her dad would have been shorter, there probably would have been more concern over her weight.

 

Thank you for sharing that.  Bettie is proportional height/weight wise- small on both accounts, between 10-15 percentile.  We are not small people- I myself am 5'8" with DH is the shortest of his family at 5'10".  I guess Im less concerned about her size and more concerned about her lack of muscle tone.  I am quickly getting a complex about her size though just from the constant badgering Im getting from strangers.  I wonder how often people actually think before they open their mouths!
 

Her doc should be calling back today.  He was considering whether the best option is for him to evaluate her or for her to be referred to OT.

post #422 of 509
Jaimee, I totally understand. My point was that most people will not respond the way you did, IME. A lot of people are unable to recover from what they see as an attack.

Abra, I agree that not everyone is doing the best for their babies. I don't believe that at all. But what I said is that I believe all of us in this DDC are doing the best for our babies. That's all.
post #423 of 509
So, I want to say that I read PaigeKitten's posts without malice. Perhaps because I feel similarly about parenting my own children. I'm of a phone and can't pick posts apart but I think the mood I'm in when I read something really changes the way I interpret it.

Jaimee, I didn't think you thought I had those feelings about diapers, but since I was about to tell someone to take her kid's diaper off, I thought I would clarify.

In other news, Sara is term today. I'm very excited and also nervous. We experience and express pain very differently. I've never been labor support before and I don't know how I'm going to be able to encourage her to stay strong when I already have such a hard time understanding her discomforts. I remember how intense transition was for me this last time. Part of me wants to be able to protect her from that. Does anyone have good links for pain management in labor or ideas for what a good birth partner should do? Also, we are practically packing for a voyage, but what weird things should go in a hospital bag?

Oh, and she is dilated to a one, very soft cervix, about like the inside of my cheek.
post #424 of 509

How exciting Sera!  Just follow her cues, and be to her what she needs you to be in that moment.  You will rock at it, Im sure :)

post #425 of 509

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

In other news, Sara is term today. I'm very excited and also nervous. We experience and express pain very differently. I've never been labor support before and I don't know how I'm going to be able to encourage her to stay strong when I already have such a hard time understanding her discomforts. I remember how intense transition was for me this last time. Part of me wants to be able to protect her from that. Does anyone have good links for pain management in labor or ideas for what a good birth partner should do? Also, we are practically packing for a voyage, but what weird things should go in a hospital bag?

Oh, and she is dilated to a one, very soft cervix, about like the inside of my cheek.

 

No advice, because I've never been on the other end of the spectrum. I honestly just appreciated my DH being there for me through the entire thing. He was always on my bedside and only left when I asked him to get something for me. *Shrugs*

 

BUT THAT IS SOOO EXCITING! YAY! Good luck to you two!

post #426 of 509
One complication that may arise is that I will have to pump sometimes unless she has a crazy short labor. It's crazy to think about.
post #427 of 509
Thread Starter 

Yay, Sara!!  That is SO exciting!  What a wonderful break from the other conversation.  smile.gif  I'm sure that you'll do wonderfully.  You always have great advice and say things in helpful ways here.  I can only imagine that you're equally wonderful IRL.  I'd say just be what she needs and help her to know that she can do it and when she thinks she can't, that's when it's almost over. 

post #428 of 509

How exciting, Sara! Will there be anyone else present during her labor? I attended a good friend's homebirth two summers ago. I've been present for several births since my teenage years, but they were all hospital births, most with an epidural so I hadn't been a support person so much. I was there to take photographs, but it became a wonderful female bonding experience the way every person there stepped up as support people--physical, mental, emotional. There was no way to not be involved. Her midwife had a 5 month old at the time and left the room several times to pump throughout the night/morning. It was really okay. If she was gone, someone else stepped in to support her. She was really great about teaching all of us the techniques she was doing while she did them so that we could take over when she went to pump. If you're not sure what to do for her, just ask her what she needs from you. In my experience, women in labor tend to be very up front about what they do and do not need in the moment. She'll let you know if you're doing it wrong!

post #429 of 509

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

 

Amanda, in the past I would have 100% agreed with you and, for the most part, I still do.  I generally like to hear things presented nicely and in a positive light.  It feels good.  And, when this extreme mother made her comments about EC (and some others about other controversial topics) I was turned off.  I wondered to myself why in the world she did that (especially b/c I had seen her kids wearing diapers at playgroups) and dismissed her thoughts as crazy.  But I did not take offense.  She wasn't attacking me personally.  And I should insert here that it took me a while to no longer take things so personally.  This is something the east coast did manage to teach this west coast girl.  LOL.  Anyway, a different friend of mine who was also part of the group and a mom that I greatly respect got me to look at her posts in a different light.  She explained how the posts had challenged her.  She brought up the point that if we all ride in the middle lane how will we ever get somewhere new?  That made me pause and think.   I went back and read them again trying to see them as my friend did.  Suddenly I understood.  I had literally NEVER thought of things they way she was presenting them and I felt like my brain was expanding to think down this new line of thought.  It didn't matter that I didn't fully agree with it- I was challenging myself to examine my own practices and come up for valid reasons for why I was doing them, what I was okay with, and what I was not okay with.  And in the end, I did change how I had been doing things.

 

Looking forward to moving on, but just want to say that I totally agree with Amanda.  That said, most of the great progress I have made as a person and as a parent came when someone boarded the crazy train and made me rethink what I was doing.  It's just as Jaimee says, at first you think, wow, what crazy is this person talking?  But when I've stripped down the snark, attitude -- or even just the challenge to my conventional wisdom -- and listened to the message, I have really grown. 

 

BUT, not everyone can take the step back that Jaimee can, and see the message for what it is, and not everyone has the energy to strip out the negative.  It is important to understand this because as Amanda pointed out, the message of your friend gets dismissed by 99% of people.  How much good is that really doing if only 1% of the people she meets is open and willing to get her message?  If one really wants to help people see the light, one has to think about the most effective way to reach people.  And when it comes to parenting, approaching things with dogmatism, snark, and the like will unfortunately most likely be ineffective.   

 

Just my two cents.  Ready for the next topic!

 

post #430 of 509
Thanks. It will likely be at the hospital. She wants to stay home as long as possible so I'll be alone for a while, tho probably not the hard parts. The thin that bothers me about leaving to pump is that she will be alone (unless I pump in the room with her, I suppose. There won't be doctors and nurses around constantly, right?)

And Jaimee, I'm an ass. I kid you not. I try to be kind and gentle, but I have a certain obliviousness that doesn't help much. I'm kind of hoping I can stay her partner and not go into nurse mode and just be all practical. Unless that's what she needs.
post #431 of 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Thanks. It will likely be at the hospital. She wants to stay home as long as possible so I'll be alone for a while, tho probably not the hard parts. The thin that bothers me about leaving to pump is that she will be alone (unless I pump in the room with her, I suppose. There won't be doctors and nurses around constantly, right?)

And Jaimee, I'm an ass. I kid you not. I try to be kind and gentle, but I have a certain obliviousness that doesn't help much. I'm kind of hoping I can stay her partner and not go into nurse mode and just be all practical. Unless that's what she needs.

No, there will certainly not be nurses around often. In fact, when I was in labor with Jasper I had to call for the nurse every single time I wanted her. I don't know where she was! I was unable to get up to use the bathroom by myself, so I had to call a lot. You will probably have plenty of alone time once you are in a labor room.

I second, third, whatever the just being there advice. Just listen. Try not to offer too much advice. Ask what she wants.

Are you flipping out with excitement?? I can't even imagine. Two babies! It's going to be so amazing.
post #432 of 509
Thread Starter 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZippyGirl View Post
... most of the great progress I have made as a person and as a parent came when someone boarded the crazy train and made me rethink what I was doing.  It's just as Jaimee says, at first you think, wow, what crazy is this person talking?  But when I've stripped down the snark, attitude -- or even just the challenge to my conventional wisdom -- and listened to the message, I have really grown. 

 

 

That's just the thing... I'm not sure that I would have really grown had she sugar coated it or put it in a positive light.  Yes, she alienated most of the audience, but I have to wonder, would most of the audience done anything anyway and if she hadn't shocked me, would I have done anything?  It seems that when I'm most dumbstruck by something that some one has said, that's when I need to most closely look at myself and my beliefs.

post #433 of 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mal85 View Post

How exciting, Sara! Will there be anyone else present during her labor? I attended a good friend's homebirth two summers ago. I've been present for several births since my teenage years, but they were all hospital births, most with an epidural so I hadn't been a support person so much. I was there to take photographs, but it became a wonderful female bonding experience the way every person there stepped up as support people--physical, mental, emotional. There was no way to not be involved. Her midwife had a 5 month old at the time and left the room several times to pump throughout the night/morning. It was really okay. If she was gone, someone else stepped in to support her. She was really great about teaching all of us the techniques she was doing while she did them so that we could take over when she went to pump. If you're not sure what to do for her, just ask her what she needs from you. In my experience, women in labor tend to be very up front about what they do and do not need in the moment. She'll let you know if you're doing it wrong!

 

Sara - Mal is right! The best thing is to focus on taking your partner's cue in the moment and ask her what she needs from time to time. It sounds like you two have a very strong and in sync relationship, so I have no doubt you'll be able to give her whatever she needs from you. thumb.gif

 

Here are some specific things that I remember my DH doing that made the experience so memorable for me:

  • He kept the mood light and never failed to insert humor here and there to distract me from the pain. Some (most?) women don't find anything funny when they're in active labor and/or close to transition, but at least during early labor I found it so helpful to be laughing and connecting with him in a playful way while the pain was still manageable, especially since the labor was long.
  • He was my "DJ" for the event. He made a playlist on the spot of music he knew I'd like to listen to and added some songs that meant something just between us that nobody else knew about. Some of the songs surprisingly sent me into memory-land where I was imagining where we were when we listened to them... Concerts, weddings, early dates in the beginning of our relationship, etc. Does your partner like music? My DH even held me and sang some of the songs to me (we're big Michael Buble fans, so it worked). 
  • He never left the room unless I had someone else to be with me in his absence for a short time. During active labor, I couldn't even tell you what happened around me during most of it... I was in a total zone and laboring in a primal intuitive way that just came from within, but I can tell you that what meant most to me during that time was that my DH was sitting there watching me the entire time. He was probably ridiculously bored redface.gif but just knowing he was a few feet away and watching me if I needed ANYTHING at any moment was priceless. He was my safety blanket in the background. smile.gif
  • Now, for pain management ideas... Do you have a rice sock? My DH repeatedly heated mine up and held it against my back wherever I needed it. Or I held it in my hand a few times just to concentrate on the feeling of the heat and zone out. Will your partner have a birthing ball? My birthing ball was the single best tool I had during my labor, besides my husband of course. winky.gif I squatted on it, bounced on it, rolled on it... I specifically bought one that has some bumpy texture around parts of it and I ran my hands over that to concentrate on texture sometimes. The best position I used it for was hanging over it like I was hugging it with my belly hanging freely while my DH applied counter-pressure to my back. Read up on counter-pressure, pronto! It probably exhausted my DH to keep pressing so hard into my back to the point of even giving me bruises, but WOW did that help immensely!!! Imagery also helps. I had my eyes closed through so many of the contractions, and he laid behind me coming up with places to imagine... The images he painted for me made no sense, LOL, but they incorporated all of my favorite things that make me light up! (Tennis courts, animals/birds present, favorite music playing, etc...) And of course, if your DP likes massage, definitely read up on the best ways to incorporate that into a labor.
  • Remind your DP how to breathe if you notice she's losing focus! I'm so dang glad both my best friend and my DH reminded me from time to time because some of the contractions got so intense that I was tensing up and forgetting to breathe how I should've been. I damn near would've hyperventilated a few times if they hadn't been there to lead me back to the deep breathing and mimic how I should do it so I could look at them and copy them.
  • I don't know how sappy you are with your DP, but this one was gold... When I was in transition and inconsolably crying, I said to DH that I didn't know if I could do this anymore (as if I had a choice, ha!). He stood over me, held my hand, stared into my eyes, and kept telling me words of affirmation and love. He kept reminding me why I decided to go through a natural labor in the first place. Those are things that you just seem to forget about when you're in such a bad state of pain, so having someone reminding you helps. In a calm, steady, low and reassuring voice he said things like, "You can do this. We're going to meet our baby soon. You wanted to birth naturally for her, and you're so close. You ARE doing it! Remember what comes at the end! You're going to be a mother!"

 

Those are some of the immediate things I thought about. I also labored in water a bit, but that didn't require my DH to help me. You said your DP will be in the hospital? Will they allow her to drink fluids? If so, I'd always have those handy and frequently ask your DP if she wants any. I would've forgotten to stay hydrated had my DH not kept on top of asking me.

 

Sorry I rambled so much. I hope this stuff helped! redface.gif

post #434 of 509
Quote:
Originally Posted by seraf View Post

Thanks. It will likely be at the hospital. She wants to stay home as long as possible so I'll be alone for a while, tho probably not the hard parts. The thin that bothers me about leaving to pump is that she will be alone (unless I pump in the room with her, I suppose. There won't be doctors and nurses around constantly, right?)
And Jaimee, I'm an ass. I kid you not. I try to be kind and gentle, but I have a certain obliviousness that doesn't help much. I'm kind of hoping I can stay her partner and not go into nurse mode and just be all practical. Unless that's what she needs.

 

I'd just go ahead and pump in the room with her! I see no reason why you couldn't.

 

My DH is usually an ass too, lol. He doesn't know anything about romance or sharing feelings, but I'm actually glad he wasn't overly bearing during the whole process. He only got sappy a few times when I was breaking down and then was his normal "behind the scenes" kind of guy who just helped me silently the rest of the time. I think you might actually have an edge with your practicality. You don't need to talk to your partner nonstop. I bet she wouldn't even want you to. I think I would've killed my husband had he talked to me nonstop. Most of what he did was silent actions and just being present.

post #435 of 509
I wanted to be alone for my labors. My first I liked the counter pressure so I know what that's all about. Thanks to everyone who replied. Especially to Joanie for all the concrete ideas.
post #436 of 509

You know, Sara... It's been such a long time since we've heard a birth story in our group... and they are sorely missed... I think you might just have to have your DP share her story in detail, complete with photos. winky.gif Eh? Eh?

post #437 of 509

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

You know, Sara... It's been such a long time since we've heard a birth story in our group... and they are sorely missed... I think you might just have to have your DP share her story in detail, complete with photos. winky.gif Eh? Eh?

 

yeahthat.gif clap.gif

post #438 of 509

Speaking of newborns, kind of... Are your guys' LO still sleeping like one?

 

Here's a day in the life of Conner...

 

7am, awake.

 

830, sleeping.

 

1030, awake.

 

1230, sleeping.

 

2, awake.

 

3, sleeping.

 

4, awake.

 

5, sleeping.

 

6, awake.

 

7, sleeping... Until 7am... Sometimes there's a feeding at night, but most of the time he's STTN.

 

Anyone? It kind of sucks, because we still can't go anywhere for more than 30 minutes to an hour because then it's nap time again. O_o

 

He was going 3ish hours in the afternoons without a nap there for awhile, but he's regressed back to this in the last couple of days.

 

This is what it takes to have a happy baby. If he misses even ONE nap, he's straight up mean/grumpy until bedtime.

post #439 of 509

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaimee View Post

 

 

That's just the thing... I'm not sure that I would have really grown had she sugar coated it or put it in a positive light.  Yes, she alienated most of the audience, but I have to wonder, would most of the audience done anything anyway and if she hadn't shocked me, would I have done anything?  It seems that when I'm most dumbstruck by something that some one has said, that's when I need to most closely look at myself and my beliefs.

 

Ahhhh, I get it.  I'm the same way you are, I think.  I just don't think I'm the kind of person who gets upset if someone challenges me.  It might take me awhile to process things, but I eventually see the light!

post #440 of 509

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by birdhappy85 View Post

You know, Sara... It's been such a long time since we've heard a birth story in our group... and they are sorely missed... I think you might just have to have your DP share her story in detail, complete with photos. winky.gif Eh? Eh?

 


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