I so don't get what is going on? Sorry OP, do you want advice? You seem to not like what anyone is telling you so why do you keep asking? They're telling you what you need to do and the best way to get through it all, but you're getting defensive. It really isn't a good idea to talk to the mother right now, it could actually hurt things. You don't have to believe me or get upset because I said it but it's pretty accurate. I would step back and let things unfold, while I get you're upset that you don't feel included it's not about you OP, and while you feel it should be since you'll be doing the care giving it's just not how it works. While I admit it doesn't' really make sense as you'll be part of his care however this situation is really different than just a normal fostering. You're not his biological family and to the courts you're not even an after thought right now. I think you need to realize that and let go a little. If you find this offensive flag away but I don't think I've said anything inflammatory.
I do wish your family luck and blessings.