Bec - I'm so sorry mama. At least he was where he felt most comfortable.
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Dingoes springing into April - Page 12post #221 of 3314/20/12 at 6:40ampost #222 of 3314/20/12 at 7:55am
bec - I am so sorry for your loss
Nic - nice shoes!!! I am hopeless in the shoe department. I have my Birks in the summer, plain black slip on Clarks in the winter, my felted slippers and running shoes. And snow boots. Everything is as plain as can be to 'go' with everything. One of my dd's has been a shoe lover since toddlerhood - she more than makes up for me! Good for you to go out even though dh had to flex some parenting muscle for a little while. And yummmm on the Indian food with friends!
babybugmama - sorry you've had such a rough week. Are things getting any better?
plady - mother guilt sucks - most of all the fact that it is usually the mothers who should be feeling it who don't and those of us who are genuinely trying to do and be our best get sucked into it and distracted from doing the good work we are already doing.
No running this week but I have been stretching and doing some yoga in between other things. I need to find a good auidiobook - one I don't want to stop listening to - to get me walking for longer stretches. It is mild enough now for me to walk along the shore but I need some extra oomph to get me doing it. The running either will come back or it won't. I still need to keep moving. I wish there was a summer time equivalent of snowshoeing - that is my perfect form of exercise - great workout without hip or knee pain or exercise induced asthma attacks.
Heavy parenting week around here but we made it to Friday and the kids were all warm and relaxed this morning. I am so tired but when I see the results of loving thoughtfully and fiercely it makes it all worth it. Had my last concert band rehearsal last night and realized what a life line that is for me. We have a couple of concerts in the next couple of weeks but then it is done until September. Music feeds me like not many other things do. I will get to play a little in the summer when I take dd to band camp. Since I have to drive her there every day it was cheaper for me to sign up for the adult program than to use the gas to drive back and forth twice a day with her so that will give me a week of playing in a high level band in the mornings and in an orchestra in the afternoons. That is the sparkly carrot on a stick carrying me through this next while. Last night was a lot of fun - playing good music with good musicians feels a lot like having a good run.
I am making Indian food for supper tonight - easiest thing to make gluten and dairy free and pretty easy for me to have completely grain free. Rice is the only grain I seem able to tolerate at this point so I want to go easy on it before it turns on me too! I will happily scoop up my dahl with papadums any daypost #223 of 3314/20/12 at 8:42ampost #224 of 3314/20/12 at 12:25pmpost #225 of 3314/20/12 at 1:21pmpost #226 of 3314/20/12 at 9:46pmThinking of you and your family, bec.
I tried to sleep in this morning, and it was kind of a flop. Apparently getting up early every morning for the past three weeks has (at least temporarily) killed my sleeping-in ability. Oh well. I got a trip to Costco in and a meet-up with a friend, as well as a trip to the Y. I wrapped up the evening with an indoor lacrosse game with my kickball team, which was pretty fun until I decided to be lame and come home instead of go to the bar after. Must get up early to run...no drinking for me tonight!
rr~Get this...I swam! For the first time in at least 6 months! 1000 yds, and I now feel like my arms might fall off, but it's all good. Then it was off to spin class, where we had a sub. Sigh. I really like the guy who subbed, and he's an ok instructor EXCEPT...he's at least 75 years old. So he only teaches stuff that a 75 year old can handle. Today's moment of hilarity: he tells us that you shouldn't go over 100 rpms because it will make your heartrate "explode". Um, yeah. Not so much. I was spinning 100 rpms and not even breathing hard. On top of it, Friday's class is the spin/pilates and this instructor doesn't do pilates. So he pretty much made us do our own pilates. Oh well. I got my workout in, and that's what counts, right?
Tomorrow: long run, for which my friend has already ditched me. I need to make some running friends who don't ditch me...post #227 of 3314/20/12 at 10:24pmI had the worst visit with the in-laws. I cannot even begin to explain but it was stressful. Majorly stressful. When someone asked how I was at school drop off yesterday I started bawling. It was that bad. After we dropped them off dh's only comment was that the visit was above and beyond. When pushed he explained that I tolerated more than should be asked of a person and they delivered even more $hit than we expected. MIL had so much helpful advice she lost her voice. They left this morning and I celebrated all day. We opened champagne this evening. My parents arrive Wednesday.post #228 of 3314/21/12 at 3:35am
"playing good music with good musicians is a lot like having a good run" - I think anything we do with passion gives us those oh so lovely warm fuzzies. I'm glad that in the midst of this fierce loving, you are able to care for yourself as well.
Bec I'm still thinking about you. I still miss my honey dog. I had her for 17 years, from the time I was 11 until I was 28. She was the dog of a lifetime. She has a place in my heart and my soul, just like your baby. Hugs again.
I don't know if it's been better, yesterday definitely was...but I think I'm working really hard on identifying what I will and won't tolerate in others. It is leaving me lonely, but I won't settle as lonely. If that makes sense. I'm not sure if I'm high maintenance, difficult, or if I have unrealisticly high expectations of others, or I'm just the freaky kid who wets herself ;). But I think I have to get more comfortable with the sense that if others don't want to be around me, mis-perceive me, there's nothing that horribly wrong with me. I'm working on it. If I can find that sense of peace, I truly believe everything else will settle into place. It's almost like you have to embrace the loneliness in order for it to dissipate. That and find people with similar values? I dunno.
Mommajb - wow. just wow. That will take a bit to de-tox from. Could dh have stood up more for you? Would that have been his place? I have to do that with my parents sometimes, but since I've set some incredibly rigid boundaries life is easier with them. Albeit we don't have that kind of grandparent relationship I see others having that I wish I could have. I'm still wow. I'm so sorry your heart got stretched so hard.post #229 of 3314/21/12 at 7:13am
reading along. trying hard to be productive at work, dealing with my family and also feeling a lot like BBM described. Also bracing myself for the inlaw visit that mommajb described, minus my dh picking up on anything.
Driving my beater car to work this morning, brake light comes on (again, we had the brakes worked on about 3 weeks ago). Call spouse, collectively we decide if we can limp through three weeks with one vehicle (we each work ~10 miles from home) then we will and then park said vehicle in backyard for summer. (I live in a neighborhood with an alley and detached garages so it isn't as ghetto as it might sound). Hanging up and I say to dh, "It doesn't feel like we make over four times as much as we did in graduate school, does it?" um, no. Why are we both phds, with jobs in our fields and we still can't drive a car with less than 100,000 miles on it? oh right. we have as much debt as your average physician and about 1/3 the income.post #230 of 3314/21/12 at 7:18am
Bec, so sorry for your loss. RIP doggie.
Mommajb, . Ugh. Champagne is a good detox...can you get in some alone time this week to regroup?
BBM, I am working on the same thing, regarding other people. It's hard to get to that place where you *truly* feel that you can not only survive but celebrate when those who can't/won't accept you for yourself flake off from your life. I'm not there yet but am also working on it.
I must have had a gluten infiltration yesterday because I was overcome in the evening with that horrible foggy restless rage...ugh. However. I got in 11.5 miles of hilly, rocky trails this morning and my legs and quads are trashed in that totally awesome way.
Now, on to some shopping (dd needs some stuff, and my mom is getting me my mother's day present today...a new pair of running shoes!! For now I"m sticking with my trusty 2170s and when I get paid finally for my project, I'm going to splurge on a pair of speedy kickers for racing and speedwork. My mom told me, "I got you the sparkly shoes for MY mother's day present because I want you to wear something besides clunk...I'm getting you the running shoes for YOUR mother's day present because that's what you want."
My mom can be...well, whatever..but she is at heart a really loving mom. I'm lucky to have her and I"m sure that not long in the future I'll be back here venting about something about her anyway.post #231 of 3314/21/12 at 7:30am
MelW - Wow is right! I'm glad your dh at least sounds understanding, even if he wasn't able to reduce the impact. Will your family's visit be easier? I hope so!
Shanti - So cool that you're getting band camp too! That's so great! I hope it fills you up and then some.
Gaye - Hey! Careful dissing the 70+ set, it'll feel like the blink of an eye before we're all there! Hopefully still moving it.
BBM - I'm sorry you're feeling alone, I hope that you find a like-minded friend soon. So far 2012 seems to me like a bit topsy turvy on the friends front, maybe it's just a passing cycle? And thank you again, I'm enjoying some Highlander Grogg right now and I feel so much more sophisticated than I usually do this time of day!
Bec - Thinking of you mama.
Kerc - Younger cars are overrated.
RR: Nope, just boxing, but at least I got that. Today I'm going to do some weights while Ali G has a swimming lesson.
NRR: Got lots of work done yesterday, mucked out the house, mucked out the donkey pen, the chicken coop, the yard, swam with Ali G. Today I've got more cleaning on the schedule and need to make a dessert for a fundraiser for this afternoon. Now that we've moved our laundry setup the dryer is so much more efficient it's amazing! And I've scored a much nicer space to do it all in so that was a good move.
Still haven't come up with a response to therapist. I don't think she was trying to harsh on me, we began this whole thing as friends and I don't want to lose another friend this year (especially due to circumstances relating to dd) so I'm slowly formulating how to move forward with care.post #232 of 3314/21/12 at 8:04am
Isn't that stuff awesome Plady! I lovesss the highlander grogg (be forewarned if you drink too much you will be in the bathroom a lot, and not to pee).
Given what you said, I would make an appt without dd and talk with her about the impact of her words. I have had parents talk with me about their interpretations of what I've said and many times they don't quite perceive it accurately. But if I were in her shoes and realized that my words were perceived too harsh, or misperceived, I would really want to rectify the situation. Hugs mama.post #233 of 3314/21/12 at 8:21am
Thank you so much, mamas. Your support has touched me and my family. Yesterday was rough. But, I managed to run my errands, and while I looked far from normal, I wasn't sobbing in public (saved that for the car, and wore dark sunglasses). Anyway, a good friend came over yesterday afternoon, and we talked, had wine and just took our time absorbing the change in our lives and the loss of Gromit. I have been surprised at how many lives this one dog has touched. He was a remarkable creature, and we will all miss him. The kids spent the afternoon writing poems in tribute. They all read them in the evening, after dinner, where I video taped them. They said whatever words they wanted to about him, and then that was it.
Today, the 5 of us ran a 5k. We decided in the car that we were going to dedicate our run to Gromit. Because he always gave 100%. He never gave up, he never complained, and he just kept on going. Till the very end. I felt it was a good tribute.
Which brings me to my RR: It was a beautiful, if chilly day for a run. I made sure the kids all had gloves, though, so there was no complaining about temperature. We did a nice little warm up, stretched, and got ready for the race. It became clear, pretty early on, that there were several different paces that needed to be met. So, Katie and Emily (11 and 8), ran ahead with the strict instruction that they were to stay together, no matter what. DH was running at his own pace, sometimes behind, sometimes ahead. And, I ran with Abby (6). She did amazing, but was petering out a bit at around mile 2. That happens to be at the beginning of about a quarter mile steady hill, so she needed some encouraging to keep going. But, she did. A couple of walk breaks, and keeping an eye on her pacing, she ended up finishing strong in about 43 minutes! Not bad for a 6 year old's first 5k. And, it was the longest she had ever run. I'm very proud of my family!
And now, I need to prepare for my big kids' bronze award event. We are hosting about 30 daisy and brownie scouts, talking about bullying and positive strategies to combat it! We have all been working really hard towards this day.post #234 of 3314/21/12 at 8:26amBBM - I am also sorry for that alone feeling. I know it well, I think it's part of my constitution, but I have never had hat kind of interaction with someone else and can imagine how much it would hurt my heart, especially as I feel alone in general (dont need it confirmed, thankyouverymuch) and
MelW - That is insanity. I am all the more in total of how you managed this past year
RR: I wish.... I have some hamstring thing going on. So, during the week my hamstring started hurting, like I pulled it but of course I didnt. When I press on a certain point (mid-way lateral side, left hamstring) it hurts like there's a big knot, so I thinking maybe i can roll it out? But in the meantime, Im scared to work-out with it b/c what if I make it worse?!
NRR: Am having a stress-overload about kids and school. Can I vent?
Our school has had more budget cuts to the point that teaching performance may be affected. I learned this a few weeks ago. Yesterday, my friend, DD1's best friend's mom (DD1 and A are in the same class, and on the climbing team together. I LOVE their family, and A - she is a great partner in most every way to DD1) says she is looking at other schools for next year - she has been unhappy with this year (yes, me too, but I attribute it to the teacher and am *hopeful* for an improvement next year) and just wants more for her DD. This hit a nerve as I have been quietly second-guessing my decision to move DD1 from the private where she has been until now, to this charter, where DS has thrived but I wasnt sure whether DD would.
The Philosophical Maze: I know there is no ideal. I MUCH prefer the social scene at the charter - these are my people (public school, more working class - however this translates to how well one gets along with others I dont know, but I know I feel more comfortable here), but the academic culture at the private is so rich (ha ha), and I miss all that DD1 was exposed to. I also miss that all her peers there (more on them later) had high standards for themselves. Obviously, it's private, there are not many kids there whose parents have not been reading to them since they were in utero, right? The peers at the private are also more private-y - these are the ones who all but ignored her at the birthday party. Maybe her current friends would have done the same. Anyway, I dont love them.
BUT, how much does this matter? If she stays at the Charter and is not exposed to all that she might otherwise be, will it really make or break how she sees the world and herself as a learner/student? Will she learn to ask good questions in the next two years ... or not? I dont like saying "I went to public school and wasnt supported much and I turned out to be a life-long learner..." bla bla bla. True, but how might my sense of self been different if Id been pushed more?
You see the circle of logic.
DD1 misses the private school. It hurts every time she says it.
She has also been recommended for gifted testing. Now, I dont think she is gitfed, but I would sure be one of *those* parents to take advantage of the system and get my kid on that track. If she did meet the designation, the regular public school in the district we are moving into (new house) is one of the *best* (bla bla bla) in our city, and has pull-out gifted. Maybe that's the right balance (public school culture with access to advanced curriculum. Then again, do I need to switch schools so many damn times? Again, when and where does it matter?
Meanwhile, I do feel that DS is having his needs met (he is high skilled, and highly reactive when things dont go his way, so he will always get what he needs ) at the Charter, so I dont feel inclined to move him (he doesnt do well w/ change anyway), so then I would have my kids at different schools ...... which maybe makes sense, as they are very different peoole, but also seems utterly ridiculous.
So what balance is right for all of you in deciding what is worth fighting for/against and what isent. It's possible I could volunteer more in her class next year and add some enricnment that way, but really? I'd rather just focus on my grad program. Then again, if DD1's friend leaves, that will be a big mark against the Charter, as they are the top students in their class and really keep each other pushing.... not that they will be together next year (they move from the 1-3 plane, to the 4/5 plane next year.... which could help the curriculum problems right there, as DD would have access to 5th grade works....)
Aaaaah. Upper-middle class white person with too much choice angst - I am at myself FO' SHOpost #235 of 3314/21/12 at 8:31ampost #236 of 3314/21/12 at 9:53am
Sparkle - Yeah, I hear that. I took the kids to a book reading the other night, it was a book written by middle schoolers from the local private school. I don't know too much about their philosophy but I know they have small class sizes and that the kids I know who go there are enthusiastic about it. Enthusiastic middle schoolers. Yes, that's what I said. I don't really think that in America it should be necessary for children to go to private school to get a decent elementary or even high school education but the more I see how dd is faring and the more I hear about how other kids are experiencing the public school in later grades the more I wonder if this is actually the time to make that choice (I don't even know if it's remotely affordable but I imagine we could find a way). Or if it's time to actually think seriously again about homeschooling. So anyway, no answers but a lot of similar questions.
post #237 of 3314/21/12 at 3:16pm
Bronze award, done! We ended up with about 20 little girls that showed up. It went off without a hitch, really. My 5th grade girls kept these kids engaged, active and thinking for 2 hours. To say that I am amazed and in awe is a gross understatement. They did fabulously. They took a topic they were passionate about, researched it, developed an age appropriate presentation and just tore it up. Seriously, this was amazing!
And, now, I am ready to collapse!post #238 of 3314/21/12 at 4:39pmThread Starter
bec, congrats on finishing the bronze award and on a terrific 5k with your family. What a wonderful way to honor your pup.
mommajb, I'm glad you survived the IL visit and that your husband is on your side, if not outwardly defending you. Good luck with your family, too.
sparkle, we're essentially taking the charter route with our new school (technically distributed learning, but with three days on site it's more there than home). Our village school has a lot of parents that I'm compatible with and kids that I like, but at the new school it's even more "our" people. I have a bit of angst about how white middle class it all is, and the impact of pulling my kids away from the mainstream public system instead of working from within for change. When I looked around the room at the new school orientation I felt creeped out by the similarities of us all and the lack of exposure to diversity. But ultimately I'm making the decision on a "what works best for my kid" basis, and for right now it's the fine arts school. We'll see....
Plady, hooray for all of the getting stuff done!
Gaye, congrats on the swim. Good luck with the non-ditching running friends. I tried to join a trail running group last fall, but after two solo runs where the organizer bailed and the rest of the group didn't show I gave up. Though with busy lives I'm as often guilty of canceling plans as I am of getting canceled on.
RR- Missed bootcamp on Friday with sick youngest (see below).
NRR- Still dealing with the aftermath of the massive allergy from two weekends ago with my youngest with her face almost healed and her hands still pretty rashy/itchy/bruised from scratching. She got a cold on Thursday and made it through last night only with a lot of Benadryl and ventolin. We went to the walk-in clinic for a nebulizer this morning, and are headed back for another in a few minutes before it closes for the night. She's tough and doing remarkably well for a kid who keeps wheezing.
Between clinic visits we fit in grocery shopping, nap, lunch, hair cut and fiddle recital. None of the gardening and bike riding that I had originally planned for the day. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.post #239 of 3314/21/12 at 6:59pm
MelW, that is distressing. It has been a long time with the reaction, and now a cold to fight. Not fair, and I really, really hope she's on the upswing soon. And also that you get your biking.
Nic, my mom is hugely opinionated, very different from me in many ways, but also incredibly helpful when I really need her. Sigh. Moms.
mommajb, At this point I'm pretty over trying to make nice or pretend I feel anything positive toward any of my ILs, and yet some part of me somehow has some expectation of respect every time I'm forced to go back there. And it is crazy-making. I hope the visit from your folks is at least not a hostile attack on your way of doing everything. Would be nice if MIL could lose her voice ahead of time next time.
bec, to you too, mama. I can't imagine handling a pet's death with that kind of grace. Sounds like what went down in your house was about as perfect as it could have been for such a painful parting. And congrats on finishing the bronze with your young ladies.
sparkle, I share your stress over all the switching, the quality questions. As is, how good is good enough? Is good enough the right criterion? What's the deal with the friendship issue? Can I make up for this with that, and vice-versa? It's exhausting. My kids constantly miss their old school, which of course has me second-guessing the choice to school at home (I'll have to actively go out and find people to be friends with! ), and then thinking, if we decide to do school after a year at home, that'll be 4 schools in 4 years and what kind of mom am I? Ugh. I'd probably do the TAG testing and new school and see what happens, and try to stay connected with A. And keep ds in the charter, at least for now. My sister had, at the height of things, kids in 4 different schools. She is excited to be down to 2 this fall. On friendships, both my kids' best friends are not schoolmates. In fact, even if they were in school together, due to age differences, they would probably hardly know one another. I'm freaking a little about setting them up with extracurricular activities and finding nice kids to hang out with, but I'm encouraged by the contact I have had with a few of the HSers.
Dd brought home a cold and I guess I decided to catch it. So, ventolin, allergy meds and a walk on the beach where the fine dust isn't as bad. That's the plan for today. Cannot wait to get back to some fresh air, manure smell and all. Tickets have been requested for the last week of May.
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