I'm having trouble understanding my (internal) reaction to 6yo DS, who has never been an early milestone kiddo. He does things at his own pace, whether it's riding a bike, learning to tie, warming up in a social situation, or anything else. Intellectually, I am aware that it is important to allow him to be who he is; I acknowledge that life is not a race, it's not a competition, and I am already nostalgic for some aspects of his babyhood, so I should feel no rush for him to grow up and become more independent. I hope that I exhibit this patience and acceptance to him and to others. However, on the inside, I find myself feeling inexplicably frustrated and even angry when he won't try something or when I see that he is "behind" his peers. This is such an ugly feeling and seems so ridiculous that I am unable to talk to anyone about this in real life.
I'm posting it here because this is not really about his development and whether it's normal--it's about my reactions and emotions. I was making some progress on this and some other issues with a therapist, but I am no longer seeing her. I suspect that some of this stems from feelings in my own childhood that I had to be perfect, that I had to be smart, and that I had to be happy at all times (or at least present that face to the world). I am attempting to avoid exerting that pressure on to him, but it is welling up in me instead. Maybe I am secretly one of those competitive parents looking for gratification in who my child is and what he can do. Well, if I am, I am not getting that gratification.
Please help if you have any insight on being more accepting or any thoughts on where this is coming from. I am very committed to fostering an emotionally healthy environment for him, and my feelings are interfering with that.