Temper Tantums with my 9 month old! HELP!

[LaynesMommy]

Prior to my son turning 9 months he was able to play by himself and let mommy do things around the house. Lately, he has been grunting and throwing these temper tantrums. I've noticed he is better if I take him outside or if I am helping him pull up, stand up, or walk. He wants absolutely nothing to do with crawling. It actually makes him upset if he has to. I try to ignore it but it's so hard. I don't know what else to do. He is driving mommy a little crazy!

[pickle18]

First of all ->  Seems like you could use one!

You mentioned he doesn't like to crawl - is he crawling proficiently now, or still learning?  When my guy was learning, he went through a long stage of preferring to walk with assistance/stand/etc.  I think it's just part of the process, and normal to get frustrated if he can't do it really well yet.  If he is a good crawler, maybe he is just concentrating on learning to walk?

My son has always needed to be close to me, gets easily frustrated with developmental milestones, needs lots of supervision (total daredevil!) etc. so I haven't had much time to do housework overall, but even so, I've noticed a definite ebb and flow over the past year based on where he is at developmentally/teething/etc.  Sometimes I can get things done, sometimes I can't.  

It's been a hard adjustment.  When he was around 6 months, he wasn't crawling yet, so I could sit him nearby with toys and get dinner started, etc. (at least for a few minutes).  But once he became mobile - all bets are off!  Now I've had to take a serious chill pill and go back to expecting not to get much else done beside watching him.  It's hard, but taking care of your baby and being there for him is serious work!  And it's much more important than dishes and laundry.

DS won't take a nap without me right there nursing him - does your lil guy take naps by himself?  Or will he nap in a carrier so you could still get things done?  You could also try putting him in a sling or carrier while you are doing chores when he is awake.  I used to put DS in a carrier and vacuum around his naptime - he would pass out, and I got to clean!  

I've also set him on the bed and let him play with a pile of clothes as I was folding, singing silly songs to keep him happy.  He has a cabinet in the kitchen where he can play with soup cans and such, which sometimes lets me get a few dishes washed. 

It sounds like he's going through a tough time (developmental milestones or teething can cause that) and needs a lil more of his mama right now.  It's hard to drop your expectations of what you can get done down a notch, but with a lil creativity and patience you'll get through it.  I would definitely pay attention to his tantrums, what seems to be triggering them, etc. and find ways to help or at least distract and redirect him.  Hang in there, mama!

[MrsGregory]

Mine is very hands-on as well.  People will tell me how happy and well-behaved she is, however, they only see her when I'm holding her.  For a reason.  Leave her to her own devices a second longer than she likes, and it's purple-faced indignant screaming time.

Also, she hates sleeves.  I dunno...  But recently, when we are trying to slip her arms through her sleeveless onesie, she struggles, and when we're done she throws herself backwards screaming.  A tantrum if I ever saw one.  She's 6 months.  We're so screwed when she's a toddler.

I have to get dinner and the house done.  I flat out of have to.  I do the housework in spurts throughout the week when she's napping.  For dinner, I've got her in her high chair, with her sippy cup.  I introduce each item to her and talk to her while I cook.  There are still plenty of nights when husband is home and waiting for dinner for a while, because little Miss didn't care to sit and watch Mama cook.

She also gets very, very frustrated with milestones!  She can't push up onto her hands and knees yet...  and I don't think she is behind at all there...  when I try to show her, help her, she clearly wants to, can't, and then it's frustration time.  It's not just me - complete strangers have remarked that she clearly wants to be a big girl.  And she doesn't want help, she wants to do it.

(She's killing Mama!  Mama is still not sure she's ready to have her be born...)

I'm happy she's a pisser.  It's a big world, and it's hard for women out there.  (My opinion, others may vary.)  I'm glad she's got some nerve to her.  I don't want to squash it.  I do, however, want to stop being the target of her unmitigated rage when she is not granted her wish 3 seconds before making the request.

But the day-to-day is a bit... intense sometimes.

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by MrsGregory 

Mine is very hands-on as well.  People will tell me how happy and well-behaved she is, however, they only see her when I'm holding her.  For a reason.  Leave her to her own devices a second longer than she likes, and it's purple-faced indignant screaming time.

Exactly!  So many people think I'm nuts or just being "possessive" or "overprotective" when I'm always wearing him - they have no idea that this is critical to keep the peace. 

Also, she hates sleeves.  I dunno...  But recently, when we are trying to slip her arms through her sleeveless onesie, she struggles, and when we're done she throws herself backwards screaming.  A tantrum if I ever saw one.  She's 6 months.  We're so screwed when she's a toddler...

Same here.  Sleeves are the worst thing ever - actually, clothes in general are just not tolerated!  Ever since he was tiny...you have no idea how many times DH and I have said the same thing!  "How did we get a two year old at 9 months???"

She also gets very, very frustrated with milestones!  She can't push up onto her hands and knees yet...  and I don't think she is behind at all there...  when I try to show her, help her, she clearly wants to, can't, and then it's frustration time.  It's not just me - complete strangers have remarked that she clearly wants to be a big girl.  And she doesn't want help, she wants to do it.

DS was this way since he was tiny - he used to get soooo pissed when trying to roll over, did NOT want me to show him - would yell at toys when he couldn't get them in his mouth - when he finally took his first few "crawls" and they weren't perfect, but we applauded anyway, he burst into indignant tears!!! He also has always wanted to do things himself - he started trying to walk at a few months old.  Now that he just learned to walk, there is a lil bit more peace in the valley.  Hang in there!

MrsGregory - your LO sounds so much like mine!  A positive perspective is a lifesaver - focusing on the good side of his traits (persistent/tenacious instead of stubborn, confident in his needs instead of pushy/demanding) helps alot.

Also, picking your battles really helps. Right now climbing the stairs is HUGE - once I learned to just get off the couch and follow him instead of CONSTANTLY fighting him, our days go MUCH more smoothly (and other no's aren't met with a totally insane tantrum, because he gets to do this one big thing).

As far as entertaining your lil one, OP - I just also started letting DS play with water in the bathroom when I'm in there or a pan full of steel-cut oatmeal with spoons, scoops, etc. in the family room or kitchen to entertain him.  It can make a mess, so a blanket or something on the floor helps, but clean up is pretty simple and it buys you some time!  Just make sure it's nothing they can choke on.  That and having cabinets available in different rooms that are "theirs" that they can go through helps me get a couple things done here and there.

Also, in general, I recommend any of the Dr. Sears books (The Baby Book, Fussy Baby Book, Discipline Book) - since we are entering toddlerhood, I'm getting alot out of Raising Your Spirited Child at the moment.

[MrsGregory]

pickle18 - Why be anything but positive?  I figure, my outlook won't really change most things, including my sweetum's personality, but my outlook does affect how I experience these things.  And I like control. 

The oatmeal idea is a good one, but does yours eat it?  Raw?  Mine puts everything in her mouth.  Or is this cooked oatmeal?  If he's eating it, it doesn't hurt him I imagine... good to know!

The yelling at toys...  she has this toy octopus that I don't give her anymore.  Don't know what that octopus said to her, but oh man does she hate that octopus.  She will yell until she's crying. 

She also yells when she can't quite figure something out.  She can't quite open her toy cell phone and if I don't open that cellie for her, she throws a fit of biblical proportion.  I wish she's understand, she's still tiny, the toy is meant for year-olds, of course she can't quite operate it yet!  (I know, I know, but I'm on my cell a fair amount and she wants it.  And conversations are hard to have with a screaming baby.  So I bought her a toy plastic cellie and, seriously, she gets on hers while I'm on mine.  It's insane.  She's 6 months!  She just wants whatever Mommy has.)

[pickle18]

I actually use the raw, dry oatmeal.  He still puts most things in his mouth, but isn't so interested in that (I suspect he may have tried a tiny piece and decided against it!).  It's really teeny tiny, too, and kind of rough - maybe that's part of it...you could probably also use the powdered baby kind or rice cereal if you were worried - maybe just give her a smaller amount (could get pricey quick!).

I love the image of you both on your cell phones!   DS has an old phone that's not in service anymore - he still wouldn't play with it, until DH was smart enough to charge it so it lights up and everything - now it's "OK", but he usually still wants ours (preferably the one we are on, so he can carry it around the house with him babbling to people!).  And if we hang up, especially if he didn't get to talk, look out! 

Pretty much the same with coffee mugs, etc. - he wants ours, nothing else will do!  Quite discerning.  When he was a few months younger, an identical one would pass muster, but not now.  I can sometimes keep my cup if I let him play the grown-up giving Mommy a drink - he thinks this is hysterical. 

ETA - he has always been so mad at toys that are above his age level - even when they are brand new - like he should somehow already know how to do everything! (my mother says I was like this with games, homework, toys and everything else - I would say, "But I'm so frustrated because I should know how to do this perfectly already!!!" - she'd say,"Um, no, that's why they gave it to you, so you could learn!" haha )

[MrsGregory]

Good to know about the oatmeal. 

I do give her kitchen toys when she has to be in her high chair, waiting for dinner.  She LOVES wooden spoons, the can opener, a can of dulce de leche sauce... whatever I'm working with, she gets it when I'm done, or before I need it.

Yours is awful smart if he noticed the lights.  Darling has an identical remote control to Papa's, but with no batteries.  She has yet to catch on.  I know she's not supposed to see any TV, but he will flip it on in the evening, and she's not in front of it very long.  Anyway...  it's really very cute to see them both there, on the cough, each holding a remote, concentrating on some horrible comedy.  Most recently, Animal House.    The shame.