I need to start this by saying that I am 5 and half months pregnant, and my ability to parent my child physically, ie. picking her up and removing her from the dinner table, is becoming uncomfortable, strained or painful.
My dd is over three and half years old. I work towards creating a "yes environment", finding appropriate expressions for her needs, removing absolute nos and temptations from sight, and modeling the behavior and speech I want her to use and learn...eventually. I am not perfect all the time, of course, but this approach has been the most fruitful.
In some rare instances and areas we have not been successful at disciplining her around some of her conduct. Because she doesn't nap anymore, or very rarely, I do expect her to play on her own for one hour a day in the safety of her room. This meets a need primarily of my own as a sahm, who needs a little mental space, but it is also helpful in smoothing out the rest of the day for her, giving her a chance to integrate and be reflective through imaginative play.
When she is upstairs in her room, she will often ask for help to get started with activities to keep her interested, but sometimes it goes on and on, and the distinction of "quiet time" gets muddy. I want to be clear with her. And I tell her that mama needs quiet time too.
Today she came downstairs after half an hour. When I told her gently it was time to go upstairs she screamed "nooooo", and after much insistence from me, and refusal from her, in frustration I delivered the consequence of losing a swimming lesson she has lined up for today. She has three more this week, which she can still go to.
I don't feel great about this, mainly because she doesn't really understand how the two are connected. That said, this kind of resistence from her is a daily ocurrance, and sometimes escalates to hitting, and tantrums when she doesn't get her way. Like not wanting to come inside when everyone is waiting to eat dinner, wanting to drive in the car to the store instead of riding in the bike trailer, or getting ready for bath at bedtime. The above examples, for me, are decisions that she doesn't get to make.
My bottom line is that, I think she is expressing a need to understand the boundaries around her control and influence, and so far, I don't know if we have been successful. Any thoughts or suggestions?
Is this something she will eventually "grow" through?