Potty Training - Can't seem to get started

[BlueWolf]

I need some major help when it comes to potty training. Every time I think about restarting potty training, I'm instantly stressed out and irritable. I just can't seem to get the process started.

DD is 32 months old. We were going to start potty training in December, but ended up moving so we delayed it least we face regression. Now its April and we've false started a couple times, and its been crazy frustrating.

Problem #1 - How do you actually get the toddler to pee or poop on the potty seat?? She'll sit down on the potty for a few seconds, then she's off and running. I've tried rewards, but it doesn't make a difference. In fact, she'll throw hour long tantrum for not getting the reward if I even mention or show it to her. She doesn't understand that in order to get the reward she must do X. I haven't even be able to reward her at all yet, because there's been no pee or poop on the potty.

Problem #2 - She's defiant. She tells me "No!" or "No potty!" but a few minutes later, she pees or poops on the floor. How do you potty train a kid who's dead set against not doing what you're asking?

She's showing a ton of ready signs. Tells me when she has gone pee or poop in her diaper. She's dry all night long. She knows how to ask for food or water, etc.... I just can't seem to get past the point of "Oh we're ready, now what?"

So... help! PLEASE! I'm worried my kid will still be in diapers in her teens.....

[Lulu0910]

Bluewolf Don't worry!!!  First things first take a deep breath.  Forget rewards.  Approach it as matter of fact after all it is a normal part of life.  It seems to me that you are putting way too much pressure on her.  That is backfiring big time.  Stop using diapers and learn her cues of when she has to go.  With my DS he will do two things:  he runs to hide and he has a faraway look in his eyes.  At that point I take him to the washroom close the door behind him and he goes.  In your case since she is much older and can understand in a matter of fact tone say "it's time to go to the washroom" only when you know it's time.  If she says "no" allow her to go through her rants do not talk or say anything at all.  Be persistent!  Good luck and keep us posted!!! 

[violetflapjack]

I've heard of a lot of success with getting kids to hang out on the potty by reading books while sitting there.  For me, the thing that really worked was me taking DS to the bathroom with me every time I went.  I set up his potty across from the toilet and would sit  him down on it (while he was still in diapers, so I put him down with his pants on and everything) while I used the toilet across from him.  Eventually I started taking his pants off too.  So it was kind of an imitation game for him... I don't know if any of that would help in your circumstances, but there's just some ideas.

[BlueWolf]

Thanks ladies. I have a feeling that the rewards might be an awful idea. I'm not sure how to not put pressure on her or not stress her about the issue, though. I guess I just need to come to terms that the first week or so will be none stop messes to clean up?

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by BlueWolf 

Thanks ladies. I have a feeling that the rewards might be an awful idea. I'm not sure how to not put pressure on her or not stress her about the issue, though. I guess I just need to come to terms that the first week or so will be none stop messes to clean up?

I took a very laid back approach to potty training. It worked for us, in that I wasn't super invested that he learn right now, but learn eventually. My main goal was to avoid power struggles - which is pretty hard to do at that age! My ds ended up deciding on his third birthday that he was a big boy, and then the very next morning he decided that he had to wear underwear to daycare. It worked for me.

We did naked time, if he peed on the floor I said, "next time please pee on the potty" (this worked for me because we have hard wood floors - I don't do carpet because its too hard to clean, and if we did have carpet there is no way I would have tried to train him!). After a few accidents he started getting it. I also put him on the potty first thing every morning, and last thing every evening before bed. I would also time from his last drink - if he drank a big cup of water at 1pm, around 1:30 I would start getting him to sit on the potty every few minutes.

The BIG thing that REALLY worked though, was putting his little potty in the main room of our apartment. This made it easily accessible, it was in sight all the time, he was constantly reminded of its presence because it was right there, and it gave him full control over going potty. I did do rewards, but I used stickers with Cars characters on them, he could wear them like little badges of honor. He didn't need them everytime after a few days, and after a month he didn't ask for them again.

I also stopped working on training him anytime *I* got too stressed to worry about it. I ended up having a big custody fight with his dad during this time, and then I moved, started a new job, ds started a new daycare - he became resistent and I was stressed to the max. We stopped, and while I still had him potty in the morning and right before bed, he wore diapers, and I just didn't worry about it. Then we moved again 3-4 days before his 3rd birthday, and he trained right then.

I do not believe a child is ready to train if you have to notice their cues and then physically take them to the potty - when they are ready they will sit on the potty themselves. I'm big on, when they are ready they will use the potty. It is not worth a power struggle.

[Steve Hodges]

Please don't stress about it at this point, most kids just end up going on their own when ready, usually due to peer pressure (kids at preschool making fun of pull ups). The few stubborn ones still refusing at 4 may need to be forced to go and it's not pretty, but at least they are well prepared to deal with it then. If you google Steve Hodges and potty training or toilet training you'll see some recent articles I wrote on babble.com and the huffington post in this very topic.

[orthodoxmom]

I know I read a lot of books to my older kids when they were at this phase and it worked.  We're doing a lot of reading now with our two year old but nothing has happened so far.....other than a lot of great books!  We'll just keep trying!

[milk monster]

I'd say you don't need rewards (though we do say, "good peeing!" Or "good pooping"!). One way might be to just stop using diapers, put her in undies, explain the fun, big-girl new way we're going to pee and poop, and--go! I think you'll be fine.

[~Adorkable~]

this is a very old thread.  

so how did it go?