What did you notice? - Page 2

[pickle18]

Originally Posted by cloudbutterfly 

I had to work out how to deal with other parents' comments, too, especially when he was about six months older than your little one and signing up a storm.  I think I actually got some good tips out of a post in this forum back then.  My general tactic is not to go out of my way to bring up things that my kid does that are advanced, but not to downplay them, either.

As for my son at that age, he was extremely alert as a baby.  He has always had a long attention span, and loved having multiple books read to him at a very young age.  He was early on a lot of his really early physical milestones, then late on some of the middle ones for the first year (rolling over, sitting up unassisted...I think I may have held him back on these a bit, at least the sitting, out of my first time mom paranoia), but then as soon as he sat up he was the first baby in our moms' group to crawl and then walk, and he's been early or on track with everything since, as far as I know.  To be honest, he almost immediately figured out how to run, and I haven't had as much time to study early childhood development as I once did.  :)  He started life being able to make a number of sounds he wasn't supposed to for months, and he's turned out to be very communication-oriented.

The signing is awesome!   I find it really sad that everything with kids gets turned into a competition - like, if your kid is advanced, then their kid is automatically behind - can't we just respect that kids are kids, that they have different talents, etc. and celebrate them all???

Anyway, cloudbutterfly, your son sounds like mine!  He was the most alert baby, making perfect eye contact and smiling at everyone in the delivery room moments after birth.  He rolled over at his 2 week check-up and scared the crap out of the doctor!    He, too, loves books, and has had a voracious appetite for them since he was just a couple months old - multiple books in a sitting, started "reading along" by 4 months, and he mastered the lift-the-flap kind by 6 months.  He could turn on our cell phones by 4 months, started saying, "Mama!" and standing/walking with support at 3 months, etc.  Naturally, I think he is gifted (haha!) but time will tell - in any case, he is the most awesome, energetic, intense child!  He is just STRONG - personality and physicality!  Everyone is always commenting on how intelligent and different he is (unfortunately, sometimes with a less than totally positive connotation...a lil bewildered, at least!). 

OP, I think it is awesome that you are vowing not to apologize for your child's accomplishments!   I agree with you and cloudbutterfly - no need to rub it in, but no need to be afraid of it!  The fact that mentioning our children's accomplishments is seen as patently insensitive is a sad thing - and it harms the kid.  I was always ashamed - I hid my report cards when my grades were too high, and I failed every spelling bee on purpose at the crucial moment to avoid the (negative) attention - it was really sad and burdensome.

On last thing - as a kid with an eidetic memory, it can come in handy!  I was always in demand to settle toy disputes as a kid, because I was the only one who knew that so and so's Barbie's eyes were a little closer together than the other one, and could always sort out identical toys when they were mixed up and get them back to their owners (based on a tiny scratch, etc.).  I was also able to help my sister with her homework (she is 2 years younger) because I could say, "Ok, turn to this page, third paragraph down, under this heading - re-read that and that's where the answer is" - without ever  looking at the book, because I had used it two years prior.  It also REALLY helps with those last minute college cram sessions - being able to stare at the book and then "read" it later in my head when writing essay answers was essential! 

[ChristaN]

My two HG girls were very different as babies.  One was very high needs, cried constantly, and very intense.  The other was pretty mellow.  The only two things that I can say were pretty similar btwn the two were early language development (they were both saying at least single words by 6 months one one was combining two words by 5.5 months) and alertness, but the very high needs one was probably more intensely alert as she was intensely everything -- lol!

My intense child also had an amazing attention span that didn't strike me as amazing at the time, but in retrospect a baby who would listen to you read for an hour and cry every time you stopped was probably atypical.  I didn't think gifted at the time and don't regret that I didn't know what it was that made dd13, in particular, different.  I did, like you, relate to her different-ness, though and felt like feeling a connection with us both being intense helped me in understanding her.  I saw her as spirited and with high attachment needs, which she is/was.  I only saw and worried about the gifted aspect of it when it became a problem for her in school early on.

Since that point, I've been pretty involved in understanding the gifted perspective on her differences and now in learning about 2e issues b/c that  impacts my other kiddo, who is similar to dh in some important ways.

[pigpokey]

I would say just be aware that many of your friends who have kids around the same age may be uncomfortable on playdates in the early years, say, ages 1-4ish.  If a child is average or slightly behind in something it may have no long term significance, but with families being as small as they are these days, parents are less likely to have that perspective.  You have to keep this in mind in your interactions.  Sometimes it's nice to have playdates with kids who are not the same age.

By the time kids are 6 or so, it's not as big a deal because parents who are concerned about early childhood "acheivements" and milestones have usually explored enough activity areas with their child that he or she has shown an aptitude in that area and responded to training, and gifted children have also started to specialize and thus have things that they are bad at.  For example, my exceptionally gifted athlete (currently 7) could play tee ball (focus and skills) at age 2 better than most 4 year olds, but has not trained in baseball and now struggles with ball handling. 

[Claire Lamont]

I had no inkling that my son was gifted till (maybe) kindergarten.

When he was a baby, he wailed often and for seemingly no reason. I would make sure he was changed, fed, burped, rocked, etc, then I would give up, shut the door and go in the other room turn on the TV and ignore him.

He cried often, even in public, loudly and seemingly in outrage. When he learned how to talk, he stopped crying and just yapped all the time. He talks to the point where people are afraid to interact with him knowing it will result in an endless stream of passionate one-sided discourse.

Now what would you know, his special abilities are in language.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by Claire Lamont 

When he was a baby, he wailed often and for seemingly no reason. I would make sure he was changed, fed, burped, rocked, etc, then I would give up, shut the door and go in the other room turn on the TV and ignore him.

He cried often, even in public, loudly and seemingly in outrage. 

My mother said the same of me and that she did the similar: went in another room and put a pillow over her head b/c it was so loud and she couldn't calm me.  My oldest dd was deemed "payback" b/c she, too, cried seemingly constantly and was very, very hard to console if not impossible.

I would say that, with this being a board that encourages attachment parenting and responding to our children's needs, the general approach that is likely to be supported here is different than that.  I carried dd around constantly, nursed her constantly, co-slept and probably lost some of my hearing with her screaming in my ear while I paced the floors with her at night trying to comfort her.  While she may not have stopped crying, I do believe that she knew that I was trying and she wasn't alone in her intensity of distress, whatever was causing it.
 

[Cathlin]

Thanks guys! There's so much to respond to here!

@Casha'sMommy Congrats! That's so awesome!!!

@pickle18, couldn't agree more about "competition. I believe this is tied to the growing cultural fascination with autism and Asperger's, people are determined to label and categorize that they can't leave room for people that just think differently.  

@ChristaN I appreciate you mentioning both her intensity and "high attachment needs". Ellie is very cheerful and sweet, as well as very intense and very much in possession of "high attachment needs"! Where we are, there's a bit too much babywise pressure and I need these subtle pep talks from moms like you that remind me that I'm not failing if I'm responding to baby's needs, whatever they are. She is happiest with me, walking around, checking things out, talking, nursing, sleeping...and that's ok. Erg, hope that made sense.

@pigpokey good tips! She has a ton of older cousins (aged 9 months-9yrs) so that may help. Today is mommy group day, eek! I do enjoy it but often feel on edge - like two weeks ago when the mom thought Ellie was "perfectly normal for a seven month old" (and I awkwardly said, "thanks! She's 3 and  a half months."

@Claire LOL so cute, reminds me of my niece - her teacher confessed that she can't always call on Greta b/c there often isn't time for her detailed answers. :) I bet your son is a blast in conversation!

So, yep, we're having a great time! Her first spoken word is "mama" ( :D )! It's definitely not just syllable experimentation, she knows what she wants and demands it! She's sleeping in my arms now, I'll never get enough of these sweet baby snuggles.

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by Cathlin 

@ChristaN I appreciate you mentioning both her intensity and "high attachment needs". Ellie is very cheerful and sweet, as well as very intense and very much in possession of "high attachment needs"! Where we are, there's a bit too much babywise pressure and I need these subtle pep talks from moms like you that remind me that I'm not failing if I'm responding to baby's needs, whatever they are. She is happiest with me, walking around, checking things out, talking, nursing, sleeping...and that's ok. Erg, hope that made sense.

I got a lot of grief about spoiling my oldest dd when she was a baby and how I should let her cry it out, etc.  I can say, though, now that she's 13.5, I don't regret it for a moment and I think that it helped her develop as a secure, centered person.  She's an awesome teenager and I hear nothing but compliments about her from adults including her teachers, who generally love her.  She's also not babied or immature.  She was young for grade and skipped a grade in an area where it is not uncommon to hold out younger kids for a year to start school.  Many of her 9th grade teachers were shocked to learn that she wasn't even quite 13 @ the start of the year this year.  She was assumed to be one of the older kids & has had people ask her if she is 15 or 16, a freshman or a sophomore, a few times this year.  

If that gives you any long term perspective that responding to high needs doesn't necessarily lead to immature kids who are unable to self regulate later...

[Cathlin]

Originally Posted by ChristaN 

I got a lot of grief about spoiling my oldest dd when she was a baby and how I should let her cry it out, etc.  I can say, though, now that she's 13.5, I don't regret it for a moment and I think that it helped her develop as a secure, centered person.  She's an awesome teenager and I hear nothing but compliments about her from adults including her teachers, who generally love her.  She's also not babied or immature.  She was young for grade and skipped a grade in an area where it is not uncommon to hold out younger kids for a year to start school.  Many of her 9th grade teachers were shocked to learn that she wasn't even quite 13 @ the start of the year this year.  She was assumed to be one of the older kids & has had people ask her if she is 15 or 16, a freshman or a sophomore, a few times this year.  

If that gives you any long term perspective that responding to high needs doesn't necessarily lead to immature kids who are unable to self regulate later...

It definitely helps codify my belief that I can't "spoil" her with love! 

[expecting-joy]

We "knew" from early infancy. They were just different from other babies around us and EVERYONE commented on how old and wise and peaceful they seemed. Neither really ever cried and they always seemed able to communicate their needs to us. They smiled early, signed early, talked early, walked early. Then they did nearly everything else very early and with cheerful inquisitiveness. We very much believed in responding to their needs as infants and co-slept and EBF on demand, etc. 

For me, dealing with other parents with kids 0-4 was the hardest. It is so true that once elementary-school age, that is so much easier. Now we just struggle with getting appropriately challenging work in school. It was hard for me that the other moms could talk about everything their kids were doing, but it was socially unacceptable for me to do so. And I got evil looks when my six-month-old was walking at a playspace - stuff like that.

Finding YOUR core values and building YOUR child's love for learning and encouraging HER independence and happiness are what matters, not the labels.

I found Maria Montessori and Alfie Kohn helpful in sorting out our parenting beliefs. It is so great that you and your dh have started the important dialogues. Your daughter is lucky.

Edited by expecting-joy - 8/27/12 at 11:07pm

[Cathlin]

Originally Posted by expecting-joy 

We "knew" from early infancy. They were just different from other babies around us and EVERYONE commented on how old and wise and peaceful they seemed. Neither really every cried and they always seemed able to communicate their needs to us. They smiled early, signed early, talked early, walked early. Then they did nearly everything else very early and with cheerful inquisitiveness. We very much believed in responding to their needs as infants and co-slept and EBF on demand, etc. 

For me, dealing with other parents with kids 0-4 was the hardest. It is so true that once elementary-school age, that is so much easier. Now we just struggle with getting appropriately challenging work in school. It was hard for me that the other moms could talk about everything their kids were doing, but it was socially unacceptable for me to do so. And I got evil looks when my six-month-old was walking at a playspace - stuff like that.

Finding YOUR core values and building YOUR child's love for learning and encouraging HER independence and happiness are what matters, not the labels.

I found Maria Montessori and Alfie Kohn helpful in sorting out our parenting beliefs. It is so great that you and your dh have started the important dialogues. Your daughter is lucky.

Thanks! 

I plastered on my proud mama smile this weekend and would not let it waver when she showed off her new crawling skills at a lowcountry boil for our friends' son's baptism. It only got weird when people asked how old she was - good thing she's kinda tall for her age!

I admit, sometimes the discussions seem a little cart-before-the-horse, but I'm grateful we're beginning them now - particularly as my husband and I haven't found common ground on things like skipping grades. :)

[expecting-joy]

Originally Posted by Cathlin 


I admit, sometimes the discussions seem a little cart-before-the-horse, but I'm grateful we're beginning them now - particularly as my husband and I haven't found common ground on things like skipping grades.

I think there's time yet for that decision!

[ChristaN]

Originally Posted by expecting-joy 


I think there's time yet for that decision!

It will also depend on your kiddo.  I have one highly gifted child (99.9th+ IQ) who is not grade skipped b/c there were other reasons for which it was not a good fit.  I have another who is grade skipped.  Intelligence alone won't be the deciding factor.  Good luck coming to the point of seeing eye to eye, though!

[Cathlin]

Originally Posted by ChristaN 

It will also depend on your kiddo.  I have one highly gifted child (99.9th+ IQ) who is not grade skipped b/c there were other reasons for which it was not a good fit.  I have another who is grade skipped.  Intelligence alone won't be the deciding factor.  Good luck coming to the point of seeing eye to eye, though!

Yes, thank you, definitely need to remember to tailor things to her. That is, after all, what we're battling with all the "expectations" of friends, family and other parents!

[Treasuremapper]

It didn't seem that odd at the time, but my husband I used to spell words to each other to keep the kids from knowing what we were saying. I have our daughter on tape catching on and knowing the words we were spelling in a conversation when she was 17 months old, still a toddler running around with curly hair in a diaper.  Another time when she was late three or early four, we were at the library and she was outraged by a sign on the wall and threw a fit about what it said.  Only years later, watching the tapes, did I realize that was a big sign.

[inlovewithsophi]

She sounds like she is healthy, very self, and environmentally aware. This is a really good sign, though not necessary to be categorized as "gifted". "Gifted" is technically a term used for describing when a human being is advanced in 1 (one) or more areas. For example, I have seen kids that are advanced in vocabulary, but not mathematically and vice versa. I read that most professionals think that looking at a baby and projecting out if they are gifted is difficult, but looking back is 20/20 when combined with an interview.

To answer your question, my narrow opinion is that they are good signs. They resemble my daughter, but not my son, though both my kids are ahead in many areas.

[Cathlin]

And in the meantime, she's a blast! Definitely having fun watching her learn - and watching how she learns, fascinating! I gave her a clear plastic tube with a couple measuring spoons in it, she had figured out how to open and get the spoons out lickity split! 

[pickle18]

  So cute!  And that is my favorite thing - and why I'm so glad I can be home with DS!  I love seeing the crazy tasks he comes up with for himself, how his brain works, how he problem solves - even how he follows directions, the words and phrases he comes up with - it's all beautiful. 

That's where my interest in giftedness comes from - just a place of amazement, coupled with my own and others observations of how he is so different from others - but it's just a natural recognition of the little person he is, kwim?  Not really into the label as such.  More just in awe of this lil miracle dude (as I'm sure every mother is! ).  

At this point, we are planning to unschool him, to keep the focus on him as an individual just like it is now, so he can keep learning and loving it like he does now - and avoid the need for pigeonholes and measuring sticks.  I grew up in gifted programs at school and was less than thrilled with the label and experience.

[Cathlin]

Originally Posted by pickle18 

  So cute!  And that is my favorite thing - and why I'm so glad I can be home with DS!  I love seeing the crazy tasks he comes up with for himself, how his brain works, how he problem solves - even how he follows directions, the words and phrases he comes up with - it's all beautiful. 

This is it exactly!

Yesterday she said "cat" a couple times (my name, but she meant the kitty variety since she said it to a picture of a cat :P ), and today was "woof woof" to her stuffed dog, lol. 6 months next week, yay!

[GratefulGifts]

Ohh, yes signing completely changed my relationship to my first child. It was like opening up a whole new world. I was so happy to have a family that was willing to learn with me. Now that my son is getting all grown up it's so hard to not to recall those early times. Cherish them. A gifted child can come with their own unique challenges. No, really dear, you need to stop reading that textbook and go to bed, the math olympiad is tomorrow.

Your child probably is smarter than average. That he is smarter than you is less likely. Are you familiar with regression to the mean? You'll just have to wait and see =)  

[Cathlin]

Originally Posted by GratefulGifts 

Ohh, yes signing completely changed my relationship to my first child. It was like opening up a whole new world. I was so happy to have a family that was willing to learn with me. Now that my son is getting all grown up it's so hard to not to recall those early times. Cherish them. A gifted child can come with their own unique challenges. No, really dear, you need to stop reading that textbook and go to bed, the math olympiad is tomorrow.

Your child probably is smarter than average. That he is smarter than you is less likely. Are you familiar with regression to the mean? You'll just have to wait and see =)  

Ha! I got into so much trouble for reading as a kid! One of my favorite Christmas presents was a book light....ah, memories.

Yes, and if my husband and I each represent extreme variables, well...I look forward to our very own probability experiment? :P