Everyone has some great advice. I know that both Joanie and Christina have responded to the advice "Get OUT" but I just want to emphasize how important that is. And it doesn't have to be anything social, and goodness knows I don't go anywhere near retail stores. But my spin on the advice is this - don't just make sure you get out every day, but use getting out as a way to work through a difficult patch - a crying jag or a lapse in patience on your part. I remember saying EVERY TIME I was having a particularly bad hour/morning/day, and then just dropped everything to walk to a coffee shop or the library or something, "oh my goodness, why didn't I do this EARLIER." Every time. I had a family and baby friendly restaurant/cafe that could accommodate my dairy-free-ness, and I went there and spent money I didn't have on flourless dairy-free chocolate cake and decaf americanos. And it made me feel SANE. No need to wait for nice weather. Wrap the carrier in a poncho or a shower curtain, put on your partners rain coat over top, grab your wellies and an umbrella and embrace the climate! 3-yo DD, 4.5 mo Oren and I go out every day, rain or shine. The rain doesn't faze DD - we've always been out in the rain. Oren LOVES to look up at the umbrella getting rained on when we walk. There is no such thing as bad weather, just bad clothing, right? At least in the PNW (I'm originally from Northern Ontario, and there is just not enough wool and fleece for -45C winter days.)
Are your babies social? Even if Mama is an introvert and a homebody, baby might be an extroverted socialite, and that realization might help with the crying. Even as young as 3 months my spirited daughter needed to be around other people in order to not be bored. Just getting out on the grass was not enough. She had to watch kids at the park, or people on the bus (she was an extremely serious, non-smiley, never-laughed kind of baby, but she would BEAM at all the crusties on the bus. The crustier the better.)
And as far as getting things done goes - sometimes they just can't get done, and I guess that's where the patience comes in? How productive are you being when you're all strung out and the baby's screaming? Why not drop everything to talk a walk in the rain, and come back refreshed and try again? I know that handstands are exhausting, but are they more exhausting than being driven bananas by the piercing shrieks of a spirited baby?
One thing that really helped my patience was trying to empathize with baby. She was crying because she was tired and her tummy hurt because I ate dairy and we didn't make it out. Of course she was sad. Then it went from "Why are you doing this to me?" to "Poor baby." Even if you don't know what it is, SOMETHING is wrong, and they just need love. And when I thought about this, I could find more love, even if I thought there wasn't any more to give. I'm rereading "Raising Your Spirited Child" right now, and it's reminding me that the traits that we find so difficult in children and babies are ones we value in adults, and after all, we are trying to make great adults, not good children, right? I always felt so much better when I thought about how well my DD's persistence will serve her in her life, or what a gift it is to feel so keenly. There is a 5-point mantra at the beginning of the book that I'd like to type out for you, if you haven't read it, but it's bedtime.
But can I just say that you AREN'T a bad mom, and it isn't your fault, and it wasn't the birth or pregnancy - babies are built with their temperaments, and it's our job to help them develop and understand and use those temperaments to make them the best people they can be. Take my kids - DD had an uneventful pregnancy, and a pretty straightforward delivery, and is spirited. With baby O I was super stressed (to the point of feeling crazy) for the whole pregnancy and we had a less-than-ideal delivery (though he was OK) and a pretty stressful 1st 10 weeks of his life too, and he's SO chill, and SO happy.
The one thing I found DID affect DD was my own emotional state - the more frazzled I was, the more she fussed and screamed. Hence why it seemed I could never get anything done when I needed to. So making an effort to calm yourself, in whatever way works for you (and if it's alone time, and your DH is not around or not helpful or whatever, then get someone else to help you get that time. Seriously. SO IMPORTANT. And people kept telling me this too, over and over, and I never listened. I had to learn it myself.)
And no, depression won't just go away on it's own, no matter how stubborn you are. I still had it when DD was 2 and I got pregnant again. And I regret it, because I think it was not good for her, me or our family.
Must go to bed, goodnight. It's so hard ladies, and you're doing great.
I think it'll really motivate me to get on the reading bandwagon!
It's just so hard to do sometimes! I've gotten more and more used to half finished tasks and finding ways to get bits of things done throughout the day until things actually get completed hours or even days later.
I am SO not an angels singing kind of parent. Parenting is hard for me on so many levels. Perhaps one of the most annoying questions in the entire world is "don't you just LOVE being a mom?" You know what? I go through days and weeks where I absolutely do NOT love being a mom and wonder why in the world I did this to myself and to my marriage. But then I lay in bed many nights just thinking how sweet they can be, how amazing they are
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