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April 2012 Rockstar Mamas and Their Babies (better late than never) - Page 7

post #121 of 244

I do, I try to do a few playdates per week (which are really mom dates) and it does help.  Breaks up the day!  It's nice and wonderful and I like doing that.  It does help with the loneliness a lot.  Plus just having people to chat with and text and all, it makes me feel less isolated and part of the world again.

 

post #122 of 244
Thread Starter 
Yeah, your FIL needs to stop saying stuff like that to you. Have you told him that you've invited her over but she's busy a lot of the time? Or, why doesn't he come over to help or come with his wife? I think you've said you've done this before, but have you asked her when she could come over instead of asking her to come at certain times?

You wanting her to help may mean her taking care of the kids to her. Sounds like you all are getting mixed messages. Maybe you need to have a talk with them about all of it. Or, maybe Chris does. I guess it depends on how close and comfortable you are with your ILs. I usually leave stuff with Sean's family up to him and I take care of stuff with my family. Try not to assume that it means they don't care because it will only make you feel bad. There may be other stuff going on with them.

I wouldn't say I'm fine without help. It would be nice to have it. I am used to doing everything on my own, though, yeah, but I wouldn't say I do it well. winky.gif I just do it. I get lonely a lot. I'm not very good at making and keeping up with friends, mostly because I'm such a homebody, I think. I'm not a get up and go kind of person and I don't like to commit to things because I never know if I'm going to get enough sleep the night before and feel up to wrangling the 3 kids out the door. Just the other day I was outside with Dylan and thought about going next door to see my neighbor. Then I realized I didn't have a bra on and felt weird about going over like that so I just didn't. eyesroll.gif

Or like today. It was bowling day with the homeschool group. A new unschooling mom who contacted me through an online group asked if I was going because she needs someone to sponsor her to get on base to get to the bowling alley. I told her I wasn't feeling up to it because I'm so sad about Sean leaving so suddenly and unexpectedly. Everyone in the group said that meant I really needed to get out and go but I don't think I'm like other people. If I'm feeling bad and I force myself to get out and socialize, I usually feel worse afterward. It's better for me to seclude myself for a while until I get over the worst of my feelings.
post #123 of 244

Yes, I agree with MW about the mother and/or IL's and childcare. 

 

My MIL.......ummmmm yeah, I have nooooo idea how she had three kids!! She acts like she has no idea how to take care of a baby and/or holds them at all. She really doesn't interact with them until about 2ish. 

I really don't care - it's not like she is being standoffish, I just think she really isn't a kid person. She just happened to have kids. 

 

My mom on the other hand is really very helpful. I try not to take advantage of it like I think some of my siblings do. (not saying anyone here is trying to take advantage either). She truly does love babies though lol.gif

 

I also feel like I am more like MW with the IRL friends. I feel like I am pretty close to my sister and my SIL (my husbands only sister) but I have no want or need to meet random people. I hardly ever *feel* like going anywhere.

 

I also very rarely feel like wrangling the kids out of the house. Maybe when A is bigger, but right now it is just waaaaay hard.

 

Carrie - I feel like your FIL needs to stop hinting about you hanging out with your MIL if SHE is the reason you aren't! I could understand if you weren't fond of her and he was trying to guilt your or something.

I also agree that we do NOT have the village that we need. To me though, I envision a village like a freaking village. The way it used to be. A small town where your kids can roam free and all the adults help to keep an eye on them. And/or a network of people who bring meals to a new mom, etc. 

 

OMG - I got the worst freaking pink eye! I tried to take care of it without antibiotics for about 5 days but it just got worse and worse. Sat I went and got the antibiotic eyedrops and it still isn't 100% Probably about 80% Yuck

post #124 of 244
Thread Starter 
Ugh, pink eye! Yuck! Hope it clears up soon.

I don't have direct experience with a MIL but there seems to be a difference in the way most grandmothers help their DDs or DILs. Grandmothers seem to be less likely to jump in and help DILs than their own DDs. Makes sense since they would most likely have a more comfortable relationship with their own DDs. I hope I can be the type of grandmother who will be available to help any DILs I have in any way but not get in the way.

I posted on FB about Dylan napping for something like 4 hours. I finally went to check on him and he was awake. Just sort of lounging in bed. He didn't even know I checked on him the first time. I saw him move around, look up, lay back down, move around some more but he seemed content and I wasn't sure if he was fully awake so I left him. After a little while I started to wonder again so I went back to check. Again, he was just lounging in the bed. He did hear me that time and sat up and looked at me so I got him and brought him downstairs. He looked very happy to see me but a little sort of wary or confused. I'm worried that maybe he cried and I didn't hear him and so he sort of just stayed there by himself. confused.gif He's very happy and quiet and calm now, even more so than usual.

Did you all see the photos of Ryan's cloth diapering attempt that I posted to FB? I know Carrie did. I'm posting them here because I think it's hilarious but I love that Ryan even tried. He babysat while I went to acupuncture yesterday. It was nice but I won't be doing it again. When I called afterward to check on everything and see if I had time to pick up some dinner on the way home I could hear Dylan really crying in the background. When I got home Ryan said he "just" wanted to be held but it was tiring so he put him down and left him to cry while he did his own thing. greensad.gif Anyway, here are the photos.

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post #125 of 244

Thanks, I hate pink eye. I got it chronically when I was a young teenager (not really sure the cause, but colloidal silver drops usually cleared it up) 

I was so proud of myself for not running and getting the antibiotics and "waiting it out" but alas.......it wasn't meant to be orngtongue.gif

 

I have a baby monitor and 8 times out of 10 the baby (not just A, but M and J before her) don't wake up and cry. They wake up and talk to themselves and chill out. I usually just go get them so I don't miss out on their good mood lol.gif If they wake up crying I feel like they didn't get a good nap. And usually they are alot grumpier when they wake up crying.

Anyways - my point is that if I didn't have a baby monitor I wouldn't even hear them wake up and if I went to check on them they would just be chilling in their bed. I think it just means he had a super good nap!

 

I feel like sometimes that is the relationship between a MIL and DIL, but I don't think it has to be that way. (obviously Carrie is proof of that!) MIL was a *little* more hands on with her daughters twin boys, but not by much. Like I said, I think she really just isn't a kid person! LOL

 

My mom is really close to my oldest brother and she is really close to his wife as well. She took care of their baby basically for them for the first couple weeks, and she ended up breastfeeding for a year and a half because of her and my brother (who obviously saw my mom nurse 5 younger siblings). 

Obviously nothing is guaranteed, but I think you might end up with a DIL you really like.

 

OMG! Those pics are hilarious!! I love that he tried too, but bummer about the crying. At least Dylan isn't a newborn. 

We should all move next to each other, then we would have a REAL village!

post #126 of 244


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarineWife View Post

I don't have direct experience with a MIL but there seems to be a difference in the way most grandmothers help their DDs or DILs. Grandmothers seem to be less likely to jump in and help DILs than their own DDs. Makes sense since they would most likely have a more comfortable relationship with their own DDs. I hope I can be the type of grandmother who will be available to help any DILs I have in any way but not get in the way.

 

I agree with this in theory, except in my case it just hasn't panned out that way.  I'm really close to my MIL.  She calls me the "daughter she never had" and, probably b/c I don't have a relationship with my own mother, I turn to her for wisdom, for venting, for friendship, sometimes parenting advice but not usually.

I think what makes our relationship work is that I never comment or advise her on parenting or on her marriage, and she does the same.  She doesn't comment on how we raise the kids, or ask about our marriage or interfere at all.  It's nice.  (I had a friend tell me once that her MIL was so pushy about grandbabies, she was disrespectful toward her and told her to "open her legs and give [her] grandkids!" at her WEDDING.  I was horrified.  I couldn't imagine my MIL ever making any kind of crass statement like that, or just being that involved in our personal life!)

Anyhow.  I know she has a life, and I know she's perfectly allowed (for lack of a better word) to work and do as she pleases.  But don't forget that Nora used to spend 3 days a week at her house since she was 3 months old til 14 months, and then 1 day a week EVERY week, when I worked at the spa.  They have a real connection. Nora misses her.  She misses going to grandmas.  That hurts more than any silly petty business I could possibly have with her.

 

It might also have to do with how long your son is seeing the girl.  If they meet and get married within a year or two, it would be hard to really work to be close, MW.  But, I've known my MIL since I was 17...so...we knew each other for 8 years before Chris and I got married.

 

It's probably immature but I send my MIL pics of the kids on her cellphone with phrases like, "We miss you!" just to make her see.  It works.  She shows those pics to her boss and complains...yet her boss won't hire anyone new.

I do wonder how it'll work out in the summer.

They have a pool and say we are welcome to it.  I won't go if they aren't there, tho, I feel weird about that!  But again, my FIL says, just come over and go in thru the garage and use the pool if we aren't here.  Idk.  Am I being weird?  Would you guys do that?

 

Yes, annie!  We need a commune!!

 

I've been watching Sister Wives and lately it's not sounding so bad!  j/k -- but the idea of having a bunch of other women around sounds heavenly.

 

Sorry about the pink eye.  That is the WORST.  I'm sorry it isn't going away on its own!!  Boo!

 

 

 

post #127 of 244

To clarify - my SIL nursed for a year and half because of my mom and brother's influence. She wasn't really sure about it at all, and would only commit to three months of trying it out. I'm sure you all knew what I was saying, but it just read weird orngtongue.gif

post #128 of 244


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post
.

They have a pool and say we are welcome to it.  I won't go if they aren't there, tho, I feel weird about that!  But again, my FIL says, just come over and go in thru the garage and use the pool if we aren't here.  Idk.  Am I being weird?  Would you guys do that?

 

 

Yes, annie!  We need a commune!!

 

I've been watching Sister Wives and lately it's not sounding so bad!  j/k -- but the idea of having a bunch of other women around sounds heavenly.

 

Sorry about the pink eye.  That is the WORST.  I'm sorry it isn't going away on its own!!  Boo!

 

 

 


Yes! I would totally use their pool! Especially if you have a good relationship with them so you don't feel weird at their house or something. OMG - pools and swimming knock kids out so effectively!

 

Weren't we having this conversation on FB? I would love sister wives if it didn't involve the weird same husband bit! LOL

 

post #129 of 244


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by annie2186 View Post


 


Yes! I would totally use their pool! Especially if you have a good relationship with them so you don't feel weird at their house or something. OMG - pools and swimming knock kids out so effectively!

 

Weren't we having this conversation on FB? I would love sister wives if it didn't involve the weird same husband bit! LOL

 



Ok then maybe I'm being weird.  Thanks!

 

Oh yes we were!  And yes I totally agree!!

post #130 of 244
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

That hurts more than any silly petty business I could possibly have with her.

I get that. My kids don't really have any kind of relationship or connection with their FIL but it still hurts me that he doesn't seem to make an effort to see them. I think I told you all how pissed I was that he hasn't done that but still asked us to stop to see him on the way home from New Hampshire. I was like, "Really? Does he have any idea what it's like to travel with little kids and he wants us to go out of our where to see him when he can't even make the effort to drive a couple of hours to see us?" After I got over my anger I told Sean it was up to him since it's his dad. We did stop to see him and he was so sweet with the kids. And, he said his wife told him to make sure he got photos. This is the woman who supposedly said she couldn't accept us as part of the family! If that's so, why is she telling her husband to make sure to get photos of us? None of it makes sense. It really made me wonder wth is going on with him. He is a good guy in many ways and it does hurt me that my boys won't have a closer relationship with their grandfather. But, there's nothing I can do about that if grandad won't make the effort.

My parents, on the other hand, seem to totally get what a hassle it is for me to go anywhere with the kids. They always come to me even though they are in their 70s. We don't see my dad as much as I'd like but that's life with old people and living so far away. I keep thinking that pretty soon I won't have that luxury. I will have to travel to see them because they just won't be able to come see me. Last time my mom visited her dog got and loose and she tried chasing after her. In the process my mom tripped and fell, broke her glasses and got two black eyes. It really scared me. I told her she was too old to go chasing after a dog like that anymore!

And, yeah, I would use their pool when they weren't home if they said it was cool. As long as you don't leave a mess and don't break things I think that's fine.

The whole village thing...hmm...I don't know. I guess I think of that as more of a community like annie described than as family taking care of each other. Of course, in a tribal community, family and community are the same thing. Everyone is related one way or another. I do think our modern, nuclear family is missing out on a lot of help and wisdom from not having elders around. I wish I had that kind of community.
post #131 of 244

My mom is close by (less than 30 mins away) and she helps out a lot but sometimes it ends up being more of a hassle for DD because my mom likes to go to bed early so if DH needs her to watch DD in the evening while I'm at work, he usually takes DD out to her. So then DD has to get driven home at 9 PM or later and I think that just stinks. But I feel bad asking my mom to stay out at my house past 8 PM or so because I know she likes/needs to go to bed early. But she does help a lot. She's a nanny for twin girls that are 11 so she's able to take DD during the day when her babysitter can't. My MIL is 84 and living in an assisted living facility. She can't help. But DD loves to see her. We take her to church with us some weekends.

 

After following this conversation, I guess I'm really lucky in the set-up that we have. I'm home a lot during the day but I get out of the house and get to interact w/grownups in the evenings. DH takes care of DD a lot and he actually does a pretty good job with her. I have friends and family that can help out if we get in a pinch. I guess my only issue right now is I'd like to find someone to cover the couple of hours in the afternoon at my house rather than taking DD out to the babysitter. I'm having to interrupt her nap now to leave and that stinks. Plus her babysitter is due in October and I don't think she's going to want to watch her 2 yr old, my 1 yr old and a newborn.

 

Used the rice paper liners in DD's dipes this morning and they worked out well. Caught the first poop on the toilet and then the second poop was in the liner. Pretty easy cleanup!
 

post #132 of 244

Ok - now can I be a little annoyed?  She has a wake and a funeral to go to this week.  She just text messaged me, "Hope all is going well.  Can you print out recent pics of the kids so I can show relatives?  I have hair and nail appointments tomorrow.  I can pick them up tmw afternoon."

 

 

Cuss.gif

 

There is so much I find wrong with this that i can't even type it all out. 

post #133 of 244
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby_Cakes View Post

Ok - now can I be a little annoyed?  She has a wake and a funeral to go to this week.  She just text messaged me, "Hope all is going well.  Can you print out recent pics of the kids so I can show relatives?  I have hair and nail appointments tomorrow.  I can pick them up tmw afternoon."

 

 

Cuss.gif

 

There is so much I find wrong with this that i can't even type it all out. 

Oh yes, that would send me over the edge! Good grief! It's like she wants the grandkids to show them off but not actually interact with them.
 

 

post #134 of 244

MIL LOVES showing the babies off. I get it - all grandparents enjoy a little bit of that. It is so sad that Nora misses her so much. Can you guilt trip her by putting Nora on the phone? (I am serious - parents guilt trip kids all the time)

 

I am so fortunate to have found some great IRL friends, as well as my online friends to keep me sane. My parents help, but they have to work too; They aren't 50 yet, either of them (though dad will be the big 5-0 in October). I like being on my own, and having a level of independence and autonomy, but it's nice having friends you can count on also.

 

I want to make a temporary dietary change, to see if I can, and what difference it makes, I am just trying to decide what. Thinking about going vegetarian for the month of May . . . not Vegan, because I'm unwilling to use substitutes of some things, like butter and cheese. It won't exactly be a detox, but I think it will make a difference. If I can do it and like it, I might keep with it. Ideally I want to eat meat no more than one meal a day (as a long term goal). I just don't think it's necessary. And maybe I will lose some weight in the process!

post #135 of 244


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by akind1 View Post

 

I want to make a temporary dietary change, to see if I can, and what difference it makes, I am just trying to decide what. Thinking about going vegetarian for the month of May . . . not Vegan, because I'm unwilling to use substitutes of some things, like butter and cheese. It won't exactly be a detox, but I think it will make a difference. If I can do it and like it, I might keep with it. Ideally I want to eat meat no more than one meal a day (as a long term goal). I just don't think it's necessary. And maybe I will lose some weight in the process!



Great idea!

FWIW a few of my friends do Meatless Mondays, or only have meat once a week - something totally doable and very healthy.  But your goal is good too, once per day only.  Better than every meal, right?  Every little bit helps.

 

Teething is wrecking Finn's and my sleep!  Ugh.  Pretty rough night again.

Though, I can't compare to Lauri.  I hope you're having some better nights with ava already.  

 

Hope everyone is doing well!  

post #136 of 244

I want to try to do Vegetarian (OK, pescetarian, because I love fish and think it's very good for you, not to be classified with other meats) for a month, and then introduce meats back.

 

Generally, I probably only eat meat at most 2 meals a day. Breakfast is usually carbs and peanut butter or cream cheese for protein, or sometimes eggs. Lunch . . .is sometimes meat free. So it's not a huge departure.  I would love to try to give up added sugars, but that would mean giving up ice cream, and I am just not willing to do that!

 

Norah has decided to remain toothless. LOL her drooling has really stopped the last few days. IDK why, but it's ok with me! I am sorry you are having rough nights! Pour the coffee!

post #137 of 244
Thread Starter 
I didn't say you couldn't be annoyed. You can feel however you want to feel. winky.gif I still don't get why that would be so annoying. I send photos of the boys to my FIL every time we get them. I might be a little annoyed to be expected to print the photos out myself because that's more work for me. I might suggest that I email them to her so she could print them out herself, unless part of the reason for her to pick them up from you is so that she can see the grandkids for a bit.

I think if it's upsetting you so much you need to tell them how you feel. Explain that you get overwhelmed by yourself when Chris is gone and really feel like you need their help. Certainly tell them that Nora misses them but not to guilt trip them, just to let them know how she feels, too.

One thing I'm still curious about is why Grandpa isn't factored into this more. Seems to me that, if the main purpose is to foster a relationship between the kids and their grandparents, both of them would be equally considered in your plans and your annoyances.
post #138 of 244

Carrie - I also would be slightly annoyed if my MIL just wanted me to print out pics for her. Like MW I might be like "I'll text or email them to you" Unless I had a cool printable machine where you can hook your camera right up to it and print out the pics (I've had one before, they are pretty nifty). Even then, I might not just out of annoyance :P

 

Thinking more about what I eat has made a world of difference for me! I'm not sure if I told you all this before, but my sister got GD when she was pregnant and had to take her blood sugar. I pricked my finger once when I was feeling like I did alot of the time (really, really had no energy and just felt like I was in a brain fog) and my blood sugar was only 64. And I had just eaten. Yuck. (70 is supposed to be lowest it ever goes and that is like after fasting all night)

 

So, I did some research and found some things that were supposed to help you stabilize your blood sugar and started eating smaller meals more often. (the meals were more personalized to low blood sugar, like almonds, greek yogurt, protein cereal and protein shakes, and it has made a HUGE impact on how I feel. 

 

Obviously I am still tired from having a ton of kids, but I don't get the bone crushing exhaustion I used to get and I don't crash after eating. 

 

Also, I lost like 20 freaking pounds in 3 months!! Without even trying! lol.gif I am down to about my teenage weight........crazy. I feel bad when people are like "wow, you look great" because 1. I didn't really do anything like hit the gym and 2. What, I didn't look good before??? headscratch.gif and 3.  I don't really know if I will gain it back. I don't think I will because it really was a lifestyle change not a diet. I did it to FEEL better and I did start feeling better. I don't want to ever go back to the way I was.

 

I've learned that for every person/diet/meal plan that tells you this food is good, another will tell you its bad. I learned to listen to my body (I still am) and go by that. Carbs make me feel pretty crappy, (but not all carbs, like greek yogurt and cottage cheese rocks!)

 

Anyways - I have gone off on a tangent, but I just wanted to share that food REALLY is the root of getting better. It makes sense that it is, since it is how our body is fueled. 

post #139 of 244
Thread Starter 
So much for seeing Sean on the weekends. He just called and said it looks like they'll be working every Saturday except this one, maybe. I'm planning to drive up Friday so we can at least see him once. I'm scared to make the 6 hour drive myself.

Annie ~ how close are you to dumfries? i'd love to see you, although i don't really know if we'll have any time. i have something to give you.
post #140 of 244

MW, I would LOVE to see you! I'm about 2 hrs from Dumfries, and unfortunately it's out of the way from where you will be driving. You guys will come up 95 for the last bit right? I'm home all day Friday...hahaha!

 

Annie, that's so great that you feel so much better from your food changes! I hate the feeling that comes with low blood sugar...blech!
 

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