Anxiety over big baby fears, need some advice « Back to Group Discussions

[Ninetales]

I know it's so early to even be thinking of this, and I really haven't been until the last few days.  But with the news that the baby was measuring 2-3 weeks ahead at my ultrasound (20 weeks) I am wondering what I will do when I get closer to birth.  I want to do what's best for the baby and for myself, and I'm nervous about having another severely big baby and having to make a choice between having an elective section early, or waiting to go into labor on my own and doing it then.

My concerns about waiting come from what happened with Elsa.  They assumed something was wrong with her, took her away, and I didn't see her until the next morning.  I was out of my mind from exhaustion and drugs, and since we'd made no preparations for such a situation, neither of us knew what to do, what questions to ask, or our rights.  That was very hard on me.  And I'm sure it was no picnic from her being separated from me, being poked and probably given glucose and who knows what else.

And, probably superficial, but it was really hard to feel like the hospital freak show.  I know we got more attention and doctors and nurses coming to get a look at her.  And I really hate talking about her size with people for the first time.  It's embarrassing, like I did something wrong, and then they ask so many questions.  Plus I don't know if I would even want to have a vaginal birth with another her size.  I know women have managed it, but I can't help but worry about tearing, tailbone and cervical damage, broken shoulders and collarbones.

But an early scheduled section comes with other worries.  He won't get the benefits of labor, I won't know that he's ready to be born.  And I'll really hate myself if I go through another c-section and he winds up being only 9 or 10 pounds, let alone 7 or 8, when I know I could have done it.  There's no way to really know how big a baby is before birth, I know that, and I'm doing my best to stay healthy and keep to a low weight gain, which is all that can be done, and maybe it won't even be a problem, but I can't seem to stop thinking about it right now.

I want to do the right thing, but I don't know what that would be!

[Waffler]

ninetales, i don't have any experience with this but wanted to say something anyway. i can't imagine how difficult your experience must have been, being separated from elsa plus the "freak show" feeling. ugh! it sounds like you've begun to think of all the pros and cons and are trying to keep an eye on things that may be within your control somewhat (weight gain etc). because of that, whatever the decision you make, it will be the right one, because you put so much thought into it. i know that doesn't help much though with the anxiety in the meantime. 

also i just noticed that elsa's middle name is louise...that's mine too, after my aunt. :)

colleen

[LilyTiger]

Ninetales, I second Waffler here in that I have no experience with this, but it seems like you're in a much better position now than you were previously.  You'll have a little more information as you get closer and you're doing what you can now in terms of weight gain and so on, so it may just be a waiting game.  The real place where your prior experience will be helpful is that now you know what your rights are and if the baby is big you can insist that all testing (assuming you ok any) must be done in your room and you can issue orders to keep inquisitive medical staff out of your room.  Your baby's size is nobody else's damn business but your doc's.  So take heart that you're more educated, stronger, and understand the experience better even if this babe is as big as Elsa.  It might be small consolation, but it would make me feel better that some of the emotionally gut-wrenching stuff doesn't actually need to happen this time around.  The pain of birth is always going to be there and you'll just have to make the decision about early C-section when you get as much info as you can toward the end.  Good luck, mama!

[Knitting Mama]

I didn't experience what you did last time around, but I do have a whole list of things I feel like I "should" have done differently or insisted on, etc (things like sneaking food while in labor because it's ridiculous for a diabetic mother to not eat, C-section risk or not). It actually helps me to write them down, because it helps me to reaffirm why they matter to me. And then, when I go into labor this time, I will know that these things matter to me and can insist they go differently. I think you can probably do a similar thing this time, whether you labor naturally or have a scheduled section.

[Thandiwe]

(((((((hugs))))))))
 

My second child was 11.3# and 23.25", so larger than the average though still a couple pounds off from your little one.  If it makes you feel any better, my next was only 8#10oz.  My first was also 8#4oz, so sometimes I think it really is just a weird thing that happens to one pregnancy.  There were no answers for our macrosomia, as I was extensively tested for GD and other hormonal/thyroid issues.  Just kind of a freak thing. 

Speaking of freak show, I really do get it.  In our birthing community (which spanned a couple of counties since we were rural), it was kind of the "it" birth for a while.  We birthed at home, but I would meet someone at an LLL meeting or playdate, and they would go, "Oh, yeah, I remember that birth."  In fact, as we were wrapping the birth up, our doula was on the phone with a different m/w talking about how big he was.  I totally get the not wanting that much attention again.

I wish I had answers about which choice is best for you... I'm not sure what I would do if I were in your shoes.   Did you have warning (non-u/s) last time?  For us, I measured about 7 weeks ahead by fundal height at the end and he was soooo low and sooooo high.  My womb was just massive.  Can you wait until the end to see if you start hitting those warning signs?  I watched closely the next pregnancy, and I measured within 2 weeks by fundal height until the end, then right on target at the end. 

I'll be thinking about you as you make these decisions!

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by Knitting Mama 

(things like sneaking food while in labor because it's ridiculous for a diabetic mother to not eat, C-section risk or not)

I *do not* get this.  Every time I can, I encourage moms to bring healthy food in, hide it if they need to, but just refuse the whole not eating thing.  There's no way that's healthy; it is a marathon your body is running, and you have to starve it??  Good for you for choosing to buck that dumb rule that's clinically been proven to not even matter anymore.

[FeralFox]

Ninetales, I share part of your fears.  If I manage to carry this one to term, I have no idea how big she'll be.  She's already over a week ahead (and we're sure of the exact conception date, so she really is that far ahead) and her father is a giant of a man, so I have ever reason to think she'll be on the big side.  But in my case, I couldn't even push out my under 6ish lb baby the first time, without vacuum assistance and a huge episiotomy (my home birth midwife, who transfered with me, said my birth made her a believer in episiotomies), so how can I even push out an 8 or 9 pounder without damaging myself?  We, too, are keeping the elective section option open, just in case.  Obviously I don't want to go that way, but I also want a functional pelvic floor and a baby who has all her bones intact, you know?

The "freak show" thing would bug me too, and I'm sorry your nurses didn't have the good sense to protect you from that.  It was pretty heartless of them to allow a parade of gawkers through your room when you were trying to recover from giving birth and bond with your baby girl.

I wish I could reassure you that the first time was a fluke, and you won't grow another baby that big.  But you might, and (with exceptions, of course) women who grow big babies tend to grow big babies.  But big could just be 9 or 10 this time.  It's such a tough decision, and I really feel for you.  I understand exactly what you're going through as you try to make it.

[Harmony08]

Thank you for starting this conversation.  My first son was 8 lbs at birth but my new son is measuring 2 weeks ahead and we're sure of the dates.  So i am starting to think that I may need to be flexible about our options in the end.  I like hearing all of your experiences.

[pure]

My first was 8-8. My second was 9-11. If i keep up this pattern this one will be 11 lbs. I have been trying to research how to not have a huge baby. To top it off, my friend has me terrified that I was an undiagnosed GD, so I have been monitori g my sugars since 6 weeks (all normal so far).i just would like a smaller baby and a shorter labour!

[Honey693]

My first measured 3 weeks ahead my whole pregnancy and my MIL kept telling me how her 4 kids were all between 9-10.5lbs.  DD came out 7lbs, 7oz.  I measured right on with my second and she came out at 8lbs even.  I hope you get a slightly smaller baby this time.

[Knitting Mama]

Yeah, I forgot to mention that my sister measured 2-4 weeks ahead, depending on where she was in the pregnancy, with both of her kids and they were in the 6-8 lb range. So measuring ahead doesn't necessarily mean that there's a huge baby in there, though I totally understand your concern given Elsa's size.

[sallyrae17]

I measured 4 weeks ahead with my first and he was 6 pounds 9 ounces...just a little peanut! It all has to do with my body shape, though. Baby has nowhere to go but out. As for the weight measurements on ultrasounds, I don't trust them. They can be waaaaay off! I completely understand your fears as well, though. I'm going for a VBAC, so there's also this part of me that's afraid that I'll go for a natural birth and end up with another c-section anyway. 

I second other people's comments that you are more informed this time around. You can be very adamant about your birth plan and have a doula on hand to back you up if need be. I really hope this birth is easier for you!