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Overwhelmed in the Third Trimester

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 

Is it normal to feel completely overwhelmed in the third trimester? I don't think there's all that much we need to do to prepare for the baby's arrival, but I also feel like no matter what we do, we won't really be ready when the time comes. People keep telling me that our lives "will never be the same" after the baby arrives. I wish they'd stop saying that kind of stuff. I'm looking forward to being a parent, but they make it sound so ominous.

 

How are the rest of you feeling about your little one's arrival?

post #2 of 18

People are damned idiots. They always try and say scary shit about how "oh, haha, well sleep while you can!" and "oh man, well NOW you're life as you know it is over!"- and all of that bullshit. It drives me nuts. I'm expecting my third and people are STILL trying to scare me. I'm like, "hey moron....I have two of them already, I think I know what I'm getting myself into!" - but people still say completely moronic things! "Now you're REALLY going to be busy" - oh, go screw yourself you stupid dummy, I know that already!


Look, everything IS going to change...in that all the things you ever thought you loved (sleep, peeing alone, showering whenever you want to, etc) are going to pale in comparison to how freakin cool it is to have your very own, completely precious little baby.

Don't let people make you feel like you aren't ready for this, you totally are, in every way that you can be. In all the ways you can never be prepared..none of us truly were/are. There is so much in parenting that you can't see coming and when it comes you address it and move on. You just figure it out. It never goes away! Babies/kids are people, every day they are going to bring something new to your life and you're going to have to work it out and you always will. Some of the struggles will be joyful and some will be very stressful....but you'll keep on keeping on.

Don't worry about having everything, doing everything, blah blah blah. Your baby will come and everything will be great, you'll figure out the best way to organize yourself, what kind of "this and that" you like...which brand of diapers work, how/where/etc you like to breastfeed...just every little piece will fall into place, one at a time. That's that. It just works out. You're going to be great.


It's okay to feel overwhelmed in the third trimester. I'm overwhelmed, myself, and this is the third time I've done this in 3.5 years! I'm overwhelmed at having one more soul to care for, at how much I'm going to love this baby...at the knowledge that my existence -even though I already have kids- is about to be shifted again...there is a lot to consider and we're really emotional right now and things are much sharper, much bigger and more intense in our current state.

Embrace that feeling and get lost in it! Surrender to all the unknowns....because quicker than you know it, you're going to find out the secret to parenting...which is: so long as your kids are happy, well and give you that "I totally love you the best in the whole world, don't worry" look....the rest of the shit just isn't going to really matter at the end of the day.

Don't worry mama, everything is going to be great. You've got everything done that can be done and you are ready for this. It's really going to be completely awesome. Hard sometimes, exhausting, stressful occasionally...and truly wonderful.

There are many things about the way your life is now that you will occasionally think back on and sigh and smile about...maybe even miss from time to time....but nothing compares to the fun and joy of children and there isn't anything about your life now that you would EVER trade for one second with your precious kiddo. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 Don't you worry yourself a single little moment.

post #3 of 18

Just want you to know that I am totally overwhelmed and this is my third, too. I totally agree with broody. People say the most thoughtless things sometimes, and yes, even when you have 2 or more they still do!

 

I do think that it is normal, very normal to be overwhelmed in the third trimester. Please take comfort in that we all feel it, and the best thing is to find supportive people who will remind you of that. hug.gif

post #4 of 18

Everything does change, but I think most people will say that it changes for the better.  How rude that people around you are making such obnoxious comments to you!

 

This is my fourth baby and I am beginning to feel overwhelmed, too!  We still have spaces to set up, things to drag out of closets, and a carseat to buy.  And the sewing I have planned...eek!  This pregnancy flew by and I am always a little shocked when I catch a glimpse in the mirror and see how big I am getting.  I'm not quite ready for this to end, yet.  So, you are having normal feelings!  Or maybe me, me and the pp's are all abnormal whistling.gif

post #5 of 18

I'm also on my third and feeling quite overwhelmed.  I think that you can take the "it will never be the same" in a super positive way.  Like you have no idea how much your heart can love and another person.  You can never be the same again and that is a really good thing. 

 

 

post #6 of 18

People are so ridiculous sometimes.  But you know, I just read something about how women who are the most freaked out and overwhelmed going into childbirth/prenatal classes are the ones who do the best in labor and the 4th trimester because those emotions are healthy signs of processing the change we know is coming.  So yay!  I'm not freaking out, I'm preparing!  We're all ahead of the game! 

 

Probably the people telling you these "I know something you don't know" things, were bowled away by whatever it is they're scarring you with -- so it's more about them than you.  For me, a natural emotional progression was: holy f&#k I'm freaking out->- OK, I'm good..everything's gonna be fine--> holy f&#k I'm freaking out--> OK, I'm doing this...this is good--> Aghhhh!  I have no idea what the f&#k I'm doing!--> OK, this is kind of awesome...--> and there's still more than an occasional f&#k! thrown in from time to time, but there's also a LOT of laughter and love and general amazingness.  The relationship you have with your child, and as your newly created family, is something no one else will ever be able to know -- not really.

 

And Broody, that was a perfect and beautiful statement...I totally agree. 

post #7 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by mudhugger View Post

People are so ridiculous sometimes.  But you know, I just read something about how women who are the most freaked out and overwhelmed going into childbirth/prenatal classes are the ones who do the best in labor and the 4th trimester because those emotions are healthy signs of processing the change we know is coming.  So yay!  I'm not freaking out, I'm preparing!  We're all ahead of the game!



Yes, I agree, freaking out means you are being realistic.  Something huge is about to happen and it is worth freaking out about!  It doesn't matter good or bad because it is totally unknown, even the third, fourth, tenth baby is an unknown. 

 

I remember having a major freak out around 37 weeks into my second pregnancy, like all out panic that I did not want him to come out. I actually asked my midwife to check me and tell me that I had plenty of time left. That's what I asked for. So she did.  I was 0 cm, high and closed, baby not engaged. She said to take Tylenol PM because I hadn't slept in days. The next day my doula came over and totally calmed me down.  She was awesome. I went into labor two hours later.  I did not freak out during labor, I was ready, it went smoothly and pretty fast.  So I highly recommend being realistic and getting all the panicking out of the way now!

post #8 of 18

Broodywoodsgal....your post totally made me tear up! (damn pregnancy hormones! lol) this is also my third, altho my partner's first and I find that it is such a mix of emotions this time around. My older two are now 7 and almost 5 and I feel like this time around I have such a different appreciation of how amazing/terrifying/exciting/precious/and everything else this time is. In some ways I think "I know just how overwhelming/stressful/life changing this whole thing is going to be...what am i thinking doing this again?!" but then i look at my boys and see that "I totally love you the best in the whole world, don't worry" look that you mentioned and I know that every moment of stress, worry, hardship, change is 1,000% worth it. You get through the tough times, you always do, no matter how tough they are (and with the situation with my ex, there were MANY VERY tough times). 

So, OP, yes your whole life is about to change, every aspect of it, but that's what life is, isn't it? it's all about change, growth and evolution. Sure I miss the days where I could party till 4 am, or do things on a whim, or not have another human being entirely dependent upon me. But would I change it for anything in world? Absolutely not. 

I was at the grocery store the other day and the cashier said "oh hunny, it looks like you're going to have to learn a little patience with a little one on the way" I smiled and said "I have plenty of patience, thank you. this is my third" Her response was "You don't look old enough to have three kids" people will be insensitive, people will make rude comments, people will try and scare you and say dumb things. for some reason in our culture people think it is their right or their duty. but at the end of the day, you will always have what it takes, even when you don't feel like you do. and the love a child has for his or her mother will always overshadow even the most negative of comments. i think that the feeling of being overwhelmed in the third trimester is nature's way of preparing us to have our hearts ripped open so that it can grow enough to love a child we have created. i so often look at my partner and think "you have no idea what you are in store for. you have no idea how much you are going to love our daughter" because there is nothing, absolutely nothing in the world, like that moment you first lay eyes on your child. enjoy the ride mama!

post #9 of 18
I totally agree with Broody. Yes, your entire life is about to change... in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE. You are going to know BOUNDLESS LOVE and the kind of PURE JOY that you never thought yourself capable of feeling. I am actually really jealous of first-time pregnant women, because your life is about to go from good or okay or pretty cool to ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. So excited for you! joy.gif
post #10 of 18
Thread Starter 

Thank you all so much for your responses! It's really helpful to hear other women talk about becoming a parent in a positive way. I don't know why, but the people I talk to tend to gloss over that whole "boundless love" and "pure joy" part.

post #11 of 18

most people i talk to gloss over the happy too. it is like they are trying to scare you on purpose but they arent. i agree with all the pps! esp the one who said that the things people say are about them or for themselves. i try not to listen too much. i already know how this is going to go anyway. lol. i am an old hat. i still get comments but most of them are "are you done now?" "do you know what causes that?" "they make birth control you know." ii am overwhelmed. but in a good way i think. i have learned a long time ago how to take the overhwelming tasks and break it down. just do 15 min at a time. start anywhere and do it for 15 min. it helps with the feelings to. it didnt help with the things i had to pay for bc i had to wait for the money but the cleaning and organizing and stuff, that it helped with. i think i got that from flylady. a list goes a long way. ii keep adding to the list but actually seeing a list makes it easy for me to remember that i have it under control. every time i cross something off, even the littlest things, helps. and i do write down little things that are important, just so i have stuff to cross off. :)

post #12 of 18

LionessMama--yes, Lists! I love them and they help so much. Sometimes I finish a task that wasn't on the "list" and I actually write it in just to cross it off--call me crazy. But, hey, whatever helps you feel accomplished and less overwhelmed is a good thing. :)

post #13 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by sraplayas View Post

Sometimes I finish a task that wasn't on the "list" and I actually write it in just to cross it off--call me crazy. But, hey, whatever helps you feel accomplished and less overwhelmed is a good thing. :)


When I took a time management class once, the instructor said that when you check or cross something off, it releases endorphins. So I definitely think there's something to that. ;-)

 

post #14 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by joyfulmomof2 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by sraplayas View Post

Sometimes I finish a task that wasn't on the "list" and I actually write it in just to cross it off--call me crazy. But, hey, whatever helps you feel accomplished and less overwhelmed is a good thing. :)


When I took a time management class once, the instructor said that when you check or cross something off, it releases endorphins. So I definitely think there's something to that. ;-)

 



 

must be why i do it! lol. 

post #15 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by sraplayas View Post

LionessMama--yes, Lists! I love them and they help so much. Sometimes I finish a task that wasn't on the "list" and I actually write it in just to cross it off--call me crazy. But, hey, whatever helps you feel accomplished and less overwhelmed is a good thing. :)



That's so funny! I do the exact same thing!! Hahahah

post #16 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by sraplayas View Post

LionessMama--yes, Lists! I love them and they help so much. Sometimes I finish a task that wasn't on the "list" and I actually write it in just to cross it off--call me crazy. But, hey, whatever helps you feel accomplished and less overwhelmed is a good thing. :)



I do that too!

post #17 of 18

I also mark tasks on a list after I've completed them, just so I can cross them off.

post #18 of 18

Too funny about it releasing endorphins! I do that too. Sometimes you don't realize you are going a task exists until it's done! It's more efficient that way because you didn't take the time to think of it and put it on the list!   thumb.gif

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