Sunflwr and Tulafina- Yeah, sex has never worked for me in the past, getting other labors going. But it hasn't appealed to me for much of the 3rd tri and for some reason does today, so we're taking advantage ;) Last attempt a couple weeks back was a fail... difficulties achieving connection for liftoff IYKWIM, and sorry if that's too gross. But we have since figured out new positions to try, so here's hoping.
Adoremybabe, meant to say thanks for liking my post :)
REadingREnee and Aletheia- agreed on both counts; DH has seemed more excited lately which I highly appreciate. At the same time, yea I do feel some weird pressure to go into labor. Nothing terrible, just mild, but still. Like he really wanted me to go this weekend, so he could not go to work tomorrow and just start his week off, lol, w/o starting back, then maybe work 1,2 days and then I go into labor. Oh and Renee, as you probably know, adrenaline can be a labor inhibitor, so maybe you were really starting something but the fight killed it. Sorry. I have wondered if the long drive to the birth center may stall/stop my labor when it actually starts also.
By the way, all this 'prelabor' or 'prodromal labor' or 'false labor' that I've had going on. I've determined that it actually probably is early labor starting. Acc'd to my midwives, and sources I've read by other midwives, apparently it is common to have a few, or even several, "false starts" to labor. Especially this is common to women who have had multiple births. Thought it meant that it was a fake out, but have since learned it is perhaps genuine early labor, that never takes off due to a variety of factors. Maybe including stress, situation, fear, and not yet activating whatever balance of hormones (probably not too much adrenaline is key) is needed for the labor to really take off and end in a baby coming out. Does explain why many womens labors stop or stall when they go out of their 'nest', drives, hospitals etc. Makes me want to just stay in my cave. For me, and midwife agreed, probably getting in my own way due to anxiety over the drive. Can't help it. It's an hour drive, and in my first pregnancy the drive to the hospital (during transition!) was so unfun I never wanted to get in a car in labor again. I do feel calmer about it now, at least consciously, but whenever I feel the ctx, I feel nervous it won't continue, and nervous it will. Am trying to just focus on opening and welcoming it.
That's the space I had to get into when DS was born-- and apparently I had to be 41 weeks along to get to that place. Far easier when it was a planned homebirth to not worry about going out of the nest. And that was before I actually had him, with an amazing, wonderful labor, and rather traumatic last few minutes when he seemed to have shoulder dystocia and the end of birth changed from a magical timeless relaxed quality to a rushed air of emergency. He was fine, btw. Still not sure if it was a true dystocia or just he was sticky due to position (was in a tub, couldn't get comfortable pushing position) and then the ctx stopped when the midwives immediately seemed panicky, I definitely got panicked too, and DH. A flurry of nightmarish action took place in the next few minutes, them having me leap out of the tub, but did not help me out so DS got his head (already born underwater) bonked on the way out, them having me try 3 different positions for 1 push each, (but pushing without the urge), having DH rub my nips (felt very out of place and an odd violation of intimacy in the context) the apprentice mw shoving on the fundus, them yelling at me to push (so not helpful--I've always had this uncontrollable urge to push that my body did the work of birthing. Having to push without the ctx was just crazy and painful) the whole thing really felt impossible, and excruciating, but he popped out after 3 minutes of this... felt like forever. The whole thing was such a stark contrast to the labor up til then. I still have flashbacks of how it went down at the end of DS' birth the closer this birth gets and have worried a lot that something similar would happen again. Had damage to the perineal wall that took a long time to heal after that birth. Also noticed a new fear in this pregnancy, that I never had before, since my daughters came flying out in a few pushes: that I would be inadequate to birth, my pelvis would be too small to pass the baby, or baby would be too big. Basically that something similar--or worse-- would happn this time. Used to trust my body to birth, as I was fortunate with my girls that it was very smooth and instinctual, with quick births. Now sadly missing that trust. DS was not large, only 1/2 pound more than my girls. All kids less than 8 lbs. My current midwives have agreed with me that it seemed to be more circumstance/pressure/fear/reaction on the part of the midwives than a true dystocia. But who knows. At least they have assured me they have experience with dystocia, that they would react in a calmer manner should (godforbid) it occur. Plus I never even got to try the Gaskin maneuver for SD, but if they had suggested it, that would have been the first thing to try, and probably the most effective. Weirdly, with DS for much of my labor I wanted to be in hands and knees position during ctx and probably would have continued to do so for the birth, had I not had other suggestions given by others present. I kind of felt obligated to get in the tub we rented, since I had loved the idea of waterbirth before, but when the time came I didn't really feel like getting in but did anyway. I also know that if you have SD happen in one birth, your odds are quite small that it will happen again. I know this. I've done the research. I've tried visualizing a smooth birth. But I admit it: I'm still scared.
OK didn't know I was going to write that book. If I have already detailed that story here in the last couple weeks... sorry! Didn't mean to repeat myself. And have no memory these days so don't know if I already shared or not. Now that I've talked about my fears (again), maybe labor can start?