Partners mother doesnt want to let him and the children go....

[MsLondon]

Hi everyone!

I have a 4 year old DD and my partner has 7 year old twin boys, who he has full custody of, (their bio mother lives 1000 miles away). For the past 5 years, my partner has lived in jointly rented accomodation with his mother who has obviously helped tremendously with child care and raising the boys.

Anyway, my partners relationship with his mother is getting increasingly difficult over the last couple of years as she is quite controlling with a very strong character. (I want to say more, but Im sure you get the picture)

This has only got worse since I came along and now we have decided to move in together.  He is moving out with the kids and we have found a new home.  We are very excited. Unfortunately his mother is not.  She has told anyone and everyone that hes 'kicking her out on the street' and 'I raised those kids' and 'they are taking my babies away' and 'he has been brainwashed and is a puppet' and so on and so on.

Now I completely understand that she is scared and probably feels that she has no role now and we have tried talking to her and telling her that she is still a part of their lives and that her son needs to move on with his life (he is 40!) and that surely she had to know that this situation wasnt going to last til the boys went to college! But to no avail.

She has tried every last thing to sabotage our relationship and to keep this from happening but its happening in a couple of weeks, despite her best efforts.

And I do have empathy for her, I really do, but things just seem to be getting more and more poisonous, the things the boys have repeated what she has said is really quite concerning.  To the point where I dont think I want DD around her and certainly not alone! I dont think I even want her in my house :(

Does anyone have any advice? This is going to be hard enough blending us and the kids without this over our heads too.  Thanks all

[-Resque-]

We experienced pretty much the exact same situation with DH and his mother, although they did not live together, and DH does not have full custody.

Long story short, it ended with DH having to completely cut his mother out of our lives entirely. She forced him to make a choice, and truly believed he would choose his relationship with her over our relationship. Needless to say, that didn't work out for her.

Good luck in your situation. "Leave and cleave" is a saying for a reason.

[MsLondon]

well both DP and I think this really is a problem with her and something she will come to terms with in time, our main concern are the children and the affect her negative remarks and bitter comments will have on this major transition.

They are great boys and have been through alot already and have proved to be quite resiliant thus far, it seems they have become quite used to her rantings, which in one way is a relief that it seems to roll off their backs but in another way makes me rather sad they have been exposed to it and are now 'immune' - for want of a better word.

Anyway, Im sure all will be fine in time and Im even more sure I will be posting in this forum rather frequently now!! ;)