Not sure if I should still be here, or not... « Back to Group Discussions

[EnviroBecca]

Because I conceived during a long and confusing cycle, my midwife scheduled an ultrasound to determine gestational age.  That was last Thursday, 5 weeks 6 days if I'm right about the date of conception.  The size was right for 6 weeks 1 day, but there was no heartbeat. :(

The ultrasound tech didn't tell me about the size (I didn't know that until my midwife finally got the results, which took until Monday) but she said she didn't see a heartbeat and would get a doctor to confirm.  The doctor walked in and said, literally in this order, "I'm sorry for your loss.  I'm Dr. Lewis of Maternal & Fetal Medicine.  I'm just going to repeat the scan to confirm."  In other words, he did it certain of what he was going to see.  He spent about 30 seconds on it.

He told me it was absolutely certain that I would miscarry.  He offered a choice between having a D&C or Cytotec right away, or waiting to see if I would miscarry naturally.  I asked if there was any reason to do it right away, like would my nausea go away sooner?  He said no.  I chose to wait.

I was very sad Thursday afternoon, but when I woke in the middle of the night I started thinking, "I still feel just as pregnant as before, and I'm not bleeding at all, and isn't there some chance of a mistake?"  I talked with the midwife and did some research, and there is SOME chance.  5 days later I still have full-blown pregnancy symptoms and no bleeding.  We decided to schedule another ultrasound on the 17th at a different hospital (I am fed up with Magee, for oh so many reasons, and my midwife center has had good experiences with Mercy) and if I still have no bleeding by then, I hope it will show that I'm still pregnant!  I asked about blood HCG tests, but my midwife said they are just confusing and it's only if the level drops to almost 0 that you know it's a miscarriage.

Aware of Murphy's Law of Menstruation, I am wearing a maxi-pad and dark-colored clothing at all times. :D

It's great timing in a way because I am Episcopal, so we went to church Thursday and it was about, "Take this cup away from me. But let not my will but Your Will be done." and I told my pastor and a few friends and they were so, so kind to me...and then I skipped church Friday, but we went on Saturday night and Sunday for all the stuff about hope springing anew and how God can do anything!  I feel so hopeful and peaceful.  The trick is to sustain it through another whole week.

Any advice for me while I'm waiting?

[finnegansmom]

I'm sorry you're going through this.  I think it's kind of sad that they gave up on the pregnancy at 6w1d....not all hearts start beating at that point, and the measurements aren't exact.  We are talking about millimeters and human error on a fuzzy tv screen.

I'm not sure I would be able to wait to the 17th, I think I would have asked for 2 HCG blood levels 2 or 3 days apart.

You might not actually miscarry until the levels are very low but if they are declining or increasing, that would give you an idea.

I had a missed MC at 13 weeks but the baby died around 10-11 weeks.  At that point, I just didn't feel pregnant anymore. 

I kind of knew something was wrong.  I waited 2 weeks for an US and then another week for the D&E.  Worst weeks of my life.

If you still feel pregnant, I think that's a great sign.  At 6 weeks, your levels aren't that high that it would take all that long to drop - so if you're feeling crappy and feeling worse each passing day, I would assume your levels are increasing and things are going to be fine.

Hugs to you mama.

[Marissamom]

just know that no heartbeat at 6 weeks is actually kind of common, and why a lot of people wait until 8 weeks to do an ultrasound. there's a good chance that you still have a viable pregnancy. 

[chrissy]

I agree that there is definitely still a good chance your baby is fine!  I can't remember the exact dates, but I once had an u/s between 5-6 weeks and was not able to see a heartbeat.  That's my almost 5 year old, Rowan. 

And, like another poster said, if you're feeling impatient, I'd ask about the 2 hcg draws too. 

Thinking healthy baby thoughts for you!

[CindyCindy]

I am with the other posters and am glad you opted to wait for a natural miscarriage.  Because there might not be a miscarriage at all, I definitely don't want to give you false hope, but sometimes these guys are just wrong.  I had a friend whose HCG numbers were too low and was told to abort the baby...guess what?  40 weeks later, healthy happy baby girl.  If you do experience a loss, I am so very sorry and hope that you conceive again soon if that is your wish. But for now, just relish in being pregnant.

[Bella Catalina]

Wow. *jaw drop* What a phenomenal bedside manner that doctor has. I am curious to know just how many u/s and patients a M&FM specialist sees at 6w anyway.

Mama, do NOT give up hope. So many mamas don't see at hb that early. And it *is* early. T&P for you.

[tibris]

Hope the u/s on the 17th gives you good news! I don't see why you can't do the HCG test over the next couple of days, if the number is decreasing then you can be prepared for what you might see at the u/s. I know it's hard to just sit and wait at least if you did the blood tests you would feel like you were actively doing something. With my last m/c the numbers went down slowly, but they did go down.

[greenmamato2]

I am SOOO glad you didn't give up and rescheduled another ultrasound at a different hospital.  6 weeks is EARLY to detect a heartbeat, and I can't believe those doctors!!!  I hope your scan on the 17th goes perfectly, and that you can march back into that other hospital and tell those other doctors off.  Seriously.  I am so mad  for you that they acted that way and that they gave up on your baby SO early!!  That is ridiculous.  Hang in there mama!!

[EnviroBecca]

Thanks for all the encouragement!  So far, so good....

I have done some online research and found that the average embryo's heartbeat is visible on transvaginal ultrasound (which this was) at 5 weeks 3 days gestational age (that is, time since conception, not since LMP).  But of course averages are different from individuals.  I think my embryo might be a little bit late with its heartbeat and/or a little bit tall for its age.  I also found a study that estimated that 8% of miscarriages diagnosed by not seeing a heartbeat (before 7 weeks) are false diagnoses. 

I'm boggled that the hospital would be so quick to diagnose with such certainty.  My mom suggested they are worried about liability if I have complications from a miscarriage and they hadn't offered to "manage" it for me right away.  But shouldn't they also be worried about patients finding out that they may have aborted a healthy pregnancy?!  Isn't it in their financial interest to keep me coming back for more tests as long as possible?  I just don't get it.  If I turn out to be still pregnant, I certainly will write that hospital an angry letter!!  I got a good response when I wrote to them when I was expecting my son and took the expectant parents' hospital tour, and the tour guide bashed breastfeeding and the lactation consultants like crazy--they called me for more details and later told me the tour guide was on unpaid leave and they were investigating.

[greenmamato2]

It is good to know that hospital has good patient care reps.  I would write/call regardless of what the next ultrasound says - their bedside manner, and quickness to jump to conclusions was way over the top IMO. (((HUGS)))

[EnviroBecca]

Well, the ultrasound showed that the embryo had not grown in the 12 days since the last one, and it still had no heartbeat. So that is that. I am going for a D&C today.

I am glad though that I waited and had another look that made me feel more sure. If I had ended the pregnancy based on that first scan, I would always doubt and wonder. It is also good to know that Mercy hospital has a much better atmosphere. That is where I am going today.

The amniotic sac did continue growing, and that may be the reason for my continuing pregnancy symptoms. Now I am eager to get the symptoms over with.

Thanks so much to all of you for your support!!

[Therese's Mommy]

So sorry for your loss 

[Simonsez2u]

I am so sorry.

[franjapany]

Oh no, I was hoping with you for better news. So sorry! :hugs

[finnegansmom]

I'm so sorry for your loss but it is a good thing you are making a confident decision.  I hope it goes as smoothly as it can and you are feeling better soon.

[greenmamato2]

I am so so sorry. :(  I know it is absolutely no consolation, but I hope you will be able to find the comfort in the resources here with the pregnancy loss message board.  Sometimes it just helps to know you're not alone.  It was the only thing that helped me at all when I went through it.  (((HUGS)))

[abouttobe5]

So so sorry for your loss.  :(  What an emotional roller coaster this must have been for you.  But a mama's love for her child will never falter.  hugs.

[Era28]

So sorry. I hope you can recover quickly. huggs