My dd has always been a loner. Even as a toddler she played by herself for long stretches. But for the last year she has been isolating herself more and more, to the point that she hardly talks to anybody at all. This wouldn't worry me as much if she had friends that she was talking to, and just ignoring her family, but she doesn't. She goes to a tiny school, so she doesn't have a lot of social opportunities, but honestly if she did she probably wouldn't take them. She literally stares at the floor if anyone talks to her. In a social situation she finds something to do by herself.
The other aspect to this that is a red flag to me is that she doesn't have any involvement in activities. She used to be so active and creative- her nickname is "idea girl" because she is so inventive. Now she doesn't do anything. She plays on an online website, listens to music (her collection of music never grows or changes, she's been listening to the same songs for months). She has an imaginary world she calls her "mind world". She used to talk about it, all the characters and their adventures could fill a library. But she doesn't talk about that anymore, she's not interested in writing, drawing, or recording her stories in any way. This whole thing just shouts to me that she is overwhelmed by life and is trying to hide from living.
We have a large family, and she's the oldest, so it seemed natural when she started spending a lot of time in her room.
I've checked in with her a lot to see if she seems depressed, and for a long time she didn't, but in the past couple of months she has seemed more grouchy. She's 13, so I'm sure a lot of that is age appropriate. I hated it when my mom interrupted me at that age!
I am going to have her sign up for a couple of classes, and try some day camps this summer. I'm thinking about getting some counseling for her, but we are on medicaid and our choices here are very dismal. Plus, in order to make these kinds of changes, the person herself has to want them, right? When I try to tell her that what she's doing doesn't seem healthy to me, she says she doesn't want to think about it, and she's sure I'm going to just end up lecturing her. I feel like talking about it is not helping- she's getting the idea that I want to fix her. I just want her to find her passion and engage in life again.