Nursing, ttc, and infertility....struggling with decisions

[2cutiestolove]

Hi all,

Just wondering if I could join in as well. I don't know where to post.... ttc nursing, infertility?? Who knows! I have a soon-to-be-6 this month DS and an almost 15 month DD. DS was a very easy conception but DD was a whole other story. I BF DS until he was 2.5 years (15 month PPAF, annovulatory for almost 6months, short luteal phase for another 6 months). Overall, we tried for 3 years for DD, had a laproscopy (found minimal endo), got pg, had a m/c, did 3 IUIs, and then had a successful IVF cycle. While there are blessings to having a wider age gap we are hoping to add to our family sooner (and avoid a long heart-wrenching, invasive ttc story). Given how sensitive my body is to prolactin, we nightweaned DD at 11months (Dr. Jay Gordon with dad helping...worked really well). I just started my third cycle (previous 2 were 46 days, and 30 days but both annovulatory). We are going to try on our own for awhile as we've gotten pg twice before and are really "unexplained" for the most part. This board seems so supportive of each other. How have some of you who have struggled with infertility and cutting back/ weaning to get pregnant went about making decisions? I already feel the pressure to cut back because our kids would be 2 years apart already if I got pg this moment which is not very likely. For most people I know they wouldn't think anything about weaning at this age (i.e. baby should be finished already anyways) and the others who do extended BF have gotten pg easily so sometimes I feel like an island. Anyone have any experiences or thoughts? I know at LLL (which I've been very involved in for many years) says to look at the needs of your baby at the breast now vs the baby who want but may not have; that your body will accomodate another baby when your body (and your now-baby) is ready. I'm not sure I can totally agree with this now.

Thanks!

M

[hope4light]

Hi There.

Sorry for all that you've been through!  We struggled with Primary IF and are now trying to get pregnant with our second.  I actually had to make the gut wrenching decision to wean my DD at 19 months because we have to have IVF with ICSI to get pregnant (we have pretty severe MFI).  It was before I was ready to wean her, and very difficult, but I know that I made the right decision.  Plus she is still getting frozen milk that was pumped and kept in a deep freeze every night.

I just wanted to say you're more than welcome to join us, and I hope that it all works out quickly for you.

Good Luck!!  Stop by the ONE thread too :-)

[2cutiestolove]

Thanks hope4light. I really appreaciate you sharing your experience. It's a unique and difficult situation to find oneself in. I had DD down to 3-4 feeds per day but she is battling an ear infection so we've been nursing a lot more. I find myself thankful that I can provide her comfort but sad because I know I'll have to wean her before I'd like too. I really want my kids closer in age (4 years 9 months is a pretty large gap). Any tips or suggestions on how you went about cutting out feeds? I want to do it as gently as possible!

I see you are near transfer (following you on the ONE Thread). Awesome news so far. I wish you nothing but the best. Hoe many cycles did you have to wait before weaning and cycling? Best of luck!

[junebug1]

hi M,

first, sending you a   on the difficult decision. sounds like you've done an amazing job nursing your little one!!

i weaned my 27 month old in january in preparation for an IVF cycle.  at that point, she was only nursing a few times a day, so we initially cut it back to just morning/bedtime. she caught on quickly that "nursing is for night night time" and accepted it.  a few weeks after that, my dp started putting her to bed at night instead of me, so that eliminated the nighttime nursing.  it was hard for a few nights, but i'd go up after books were read and tuck her in and hold her.  a few weeks after that, we stopped the morning nursing too.  i think my milk had pretty much dried up at that point, so it was an easy transition.  i just distracted her with blueberry muffins, her favorite morning treat!

as for the time in between weaning and doing an IVF cycle, it was a matter of days for me.  i knew i wanted to start the ivf cycle when my next AF showed, so i timed the last nursing session with that. 

good luck in your decision.  it's a hard one...do what you feel comfortable with!

[hope4light]

Like Junebug, I just did 1 at a time.  I had hubs put her to bed at night to cut out the before bed nursing, and he took care of her MOTN to cut out the MOTN nursing.  I would try to distract her when she started showing signs of wanting it, offered milk instead, etc.  Sometimes hubs would have to distract her, and that typically worked better for us, if I was trying she just wanted what she knew was there.  The morning was easier for us because she just wanted to get up and get going.  It was a very tough decision, and she still likes me for comfort, now she just puts her hand down my shirt LOL.

For the IVF it was also the same, I timed it pretty good, and we stopped nursing and went pretty much right into our cycle.  I did it about 2 weeks before AF showed, just in case.

Let us know how everything goes!!

[tracyamber]

can i join?

i cry as i write this. i am nursing my 12 month old. we got pregnant through icsi. we want another baby but i can't stop breastfeeding. my son loves it and i see not signs of him giving it up. i wanted to night wean but i do nurse to sleep so how do i make a 1 year  self sooth himself back to sleep? not gonna happen. im an older mom. i met my love when i was 36. i am faced with deciding if this will be my only child.  uh i though we had it all planned out......does anyone have or know any success stories of fet while breastfeeding? i am about to do some research.

thanks 2cutiestolove for starting this thread.

boy,life can sure throw some curves.

[2cutiestolove]

Tracyamber- thanks for joining in. Although I'm sorry to hear you're in a similarly difficult situation. Your LO is still young yet. You might be surprised that his nursing patterns may change as he gets more mobile. My first loved loved loved breastfeeding. I had to help him finish at 2 1/2 so we could try for another with my hormones being a little more stable. Now, my DD (15 months) is more independent and nurses less. In some ways I think I approached nursing her a little diffirently once she was an "older" baby. I didn't offer the boob right away at any sign/sound of unhappiness and tried other strategies to help her first. She has an ear infection now so we're nursing lots and while I loved being able to comfort her it makes me sad to think I'll have to stop sooner than we'd both like too. I don't know what else to say but to offer hugs and say that it's really such a personal decision and one that you need to find peace in. I have read of moms who have done an umedicated FET when breastfeeding. Although you might be getter older, your embies are still "younger". As your LO gets older you might be able to nightwean to get your cycles going. Let us know how you're doing!

[tracyamber]

2cutiestolove

thanks for your reply. i appreciate it.

i know my baby is young( 12 months) and though he is majorly walking he just loves to nurse. i think i have decided to wait. as you said,my eggs are younger..... lol.

i think we'll have to wait till maybe he is two. then i won't feel so guilty about taking his boobie away. maybe it is for the best anyway..he is a hn baby. 

thanks so much and i will keep ya'll in the loop.

tracy