Last week, I interviewed for and was offered a terrific job in Washington, D.C. (My family is currently in Phoenix.) I am delighted about so many things: my new colleagues are amazing; I'll be heading up an incredible team; I'm really lucky to get a job at my level in the current economy (I had been applying for things well below my level); I'm super-excited about being on the east coast and getting out of the desert; we'll finally have real health insurance, after a long time on ultra-expensive COBRA; the job will provide tuition benefits for my dependents, relieving my worry about my 14-yr-old's looming college expenses. . . .
BUT -- I'll be moving cross-country and starting a new job at 34 weeks. I also agreed to a mere 4-week unpaid leave after my baby is born in June. The one thing this job doesn't provide is relocation benefits, so we'll be paying out of pocket. . . . and because I'm so pregnant, we'll be hiring professionals to do the actual moving (pricey).
I had been planning a home waterbirth with a CPM here in Phoenix; now I'll be transferring providers. We're going to be renting in Maryland, which doesn't recognize CPMs. It also looks like there are very few CNMs who will do homebirths. I'm in contact with two potential CNM groups, but feeling anxious about what I'll do if neither of them take me on. (I'm transferring so late; I'm 39 and overweight; I had 3 miscarriages previously, so I was on empirical Lovenox, etc. for much of this pregnancy.)
I'm the breadwinner in the family. Right now I'm struggling with a little resentment towards my husband for "making" me give up the midwife, my time at home with the baby, my freezer meals (we're eating our way through them now, pre-move), etc. That's not really how it works, of course. I'm just feeling really stretched and scared about making all of this happen.
I'm trying to stay focused and simply summon up the courage and emotional strength and physical wherewhithal to make it through the next few months. Good thoughts welcome.