I am feeling very ineffective as a parent lately. I have a 9, just turned 6 and 2.5 year old. I have always tried to talk to my kids about trust, honesty, respect etc., and I'm finding my older two to be particularly sneaky and disrespectful. My 9 year old is horribly sneaky (girl) and outright defiant when I am not around. Case in point, we had 2 of my friend's kids spend the night, they are 7 and 4.5, last night. The kids were watching a movie and I went to bed with my 2 year old just down the hall. We had all eaten and they had drinks--all was well. I specifically told her "no more food, no more drinks, watch the movie and go to bed." This morning I came out to find a entire box of strawberries gone and the package/greens laying on the floor and a mountain dew that I had bought for a science experiment, empty laying on the floor. I would find it funny if she weren't constantly sneaking food and other things.
There are a lot of other examples, but basically I don't feel like I can trust my kids. I hold honesty to be very important. their dad (who I divorced last year) is the farthest from anything honest (which was the cause of our divorce), so I really have to wonder how much is my ineffective parenting and how much is him.
I model, I teach, I reaffirm...what else can I do? Their dad is pointless in this, so it needs to be me. Help?